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I am the OP and I plan on sending my niece the same amount of money as in previous years. I will mail her card early so she can have the money for her vacation. She's visiting relatives, so it's all good. I thought it was very bold of her to ask family to finance her vacation. Yes, she's a good kid, has a job and attends church regularly but I can't wrap my head around why she thinks this was okay. She's being raised by a single mother who has played the "I'm a single Mom" card all her life. My grown children didn't vacation alone when they were her age. My husband and I raised our children to never ask for hand outs and if you want something, you work for it. I really want to email her back and ask her why she thought this was okay.
In the past two years my husband and I have been asked to loan his brother money to pay his back house payments, finance a nephew's move, finance another nephew's last semester of college and give someone a break on a family vacation. Need I say more?
Thanks for your input. I'm happy to see that other's agree with me.
I'm curious. Did they really ask for a "loan" or just for the money as a gift?
I would give her the same gift as always. Perhaps include some pretty Thank You stationary to remind her to be grateful she is receiving anything at all.
I am the OP and I plan on sending my niece the same amount of money as in previous years. I will mail her card early so she can have the money for her vacation. She's visiting relatives, so it's all good. I thought it was very bold of her to ask family to finance her vacation. Yes, she's a good kid, has a job and attends church regularly but I can't wrap my head around why she thinks this was okay. She's being raised by a single mother who has played the "I'm a single Mom" card all her life. My grown children didn't vacation alone when they were her age. My husband and I raised our children to never ask for hand outs and if you want something, you work for it. I really want to email her back and ask her why she thought this was okay.
In the past two years my husband and I have been asked to loan his brother money to pay his back house payments, finance a nephew's move, finance another nephew's last semester of college and give someone a break on a family vacation. Need I say more?
Thanks for your input. I'm happy to see that other's agree with me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626
I'm curious. Did they really ask for a "loan" or just for the money as a gift?
Quote:
Originally Posted by elise61
Germaine2626 the brother asked for a loan which we knew would never be repaid. The others asked for the money via Gofundme, an email and in person.
Just to show you how families are different, my husband and I got into financial trouble a couple of times due to serious health issues resulting in job losses. While my siblings were happy to loan us money, we always signed some type of legal document and we paid interest on the money we borrowed.
Even when I needed to borrow some money from my brother (who has upwards of two million dollars in assets) when my husband became disabled I worked a second job, in addition to my full time job, and even babysat & tutored for extra money to pay him back every dime that I borrowed in record time.
My parents would roll over in their graves if one of their children or grandchildren asked someone for money for a vacation or a frivolous expense like that or borrowed money and did not pay it back.
Guess everyone and every family is different. In my family, this is pretty normal. Probably would have even been sent to everyone via our family WhatsApp group. We were raised that you ALWAYS help family if you can and not embarrassing or seen as uncouth or anything like that. I have a lot of siblings and every single one of us has gifted or loaned another money over the years and when it's a loan, it's always been paid.
Lots of nephews and nieces as well. A niece just turned 18 recently and she wanted a new iPhone and my sister told me and my mum, one brother and went 3 ways to buy it for her. For us, we expect to ask each other for help rather than outsiders. We are also pretty open about money and finances and discuss it pretty openly
Its also not a problem in my family when the person asked is not able to help. Having said that, we are all doing reasonable okay but things do come up like unexpected loss of a job, business deals, divorce etc. If this were my family, between the 10 people that seems to be on the OPs email, if we can afford it, then it's like $50 or less each.
So for me, the way I see it, if OP can afford it, then she should help if she wants to, otherwise just tell niece that she can't and no biggie either way.
I'm really surprised by the people who think it is rude! actually I was impressed that being 17, she asked nicely and wrote a really polite msg. She is only 17, and even if what she did seems wrong to some people, she is still 17, doing mistakes and learning.
My family runs in the same way cocue family does. I don't know what I would do if my family wasn't as helpfull as it is with money. From time to time almost everyone in my family has had to borrow money from someone in the family that has had the extra cash.
As it is now, my transmission went on my only car and im borrowing my dads motorcycle and my aunts suv. When close friends needed a place to stay my dad would let then move in rent free with a stipulation that they have to save. When I go on vacation with mywife and son my dad usually gives my son a couple hundred just to make sure he can get suveners or what not.
In this case I would contact everyone involved and see how much everyone else is kicking in to judge how much it would take to get close to the goal. It's just money.
I am the OP and I plan on sending my niece the same amount of money as in previous years. I will mail her card early so she can have the money for her vacation. She's visiting relatives, so it's all good. I thought it was very bold of her to ask family to finance her vacation. Yes, she's a good kid, has a job and attends church regularly but I can't wrap my head around why she thinks this was okay. She's being raised by a single mother who has played the "I'm a single Mom" card all her life. My grown children didn't vacation alone when they were her age. My husband and I raised our children to never ask for hand outs and if you want something, you work for it. I really want to email her back and ask her why she thought this was okay.
In the past two years my husband and I have been asked to loan his brother money to pay his back house payments, finance a nephew's move, finance another nephew's last semester of college and give someone a break on a family vacation. Need I say more? ~totally separate issue, apples to oranges with what your niece is asking for
It doesn't sound like the e-mail was even aimed at you, just part of a group e-mail so that no one would feel singled out. I'd be willing to bet that there are family members in the habit of giving 'less useful' things (tacky sweaters or books that will never be read kinds of things) and the teen was hoping to redirect those gift givers to a gift of cash that she would find more useful. It does not appear that she is looking for a handout, just a switch to cash for anyone that would have considered giving her a birthday gift in the first place.
I assume that the recipients are in the habit of sending her a gift for her birthday? If so, I see nothing wrong with what she did. If my granddaughter sent me this email, I'd send her money instead of a gift for her birthday.
If she sent this to folks who do not customarily send her money for her birthday, then no, she shouldn't have.
Just because you received a gift before you shouldn't assume you are getting one this year.
If a niece needed money that's one thing but for a vacation I wouldn't give. 17 year olds shouldn't travel alone.
Rude.
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