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You didn't do anything wrong as a parent. Your daughter didn't make a huge mistake either...it was a ten dollar mistake, easily fixed, and I'd bet she thanked her dad several times for coming by to help her out. He got to feel like she still needs him, she probably felt a bit silly but will never make the mistake again.
My husband and I were late to our own wedding because we didn't have any cash on us for parking It happens. After that, we always made sure to have a few dollars stashed in the glove compartment.
When I first started driving my Dad gave a $20 bill, which he taped inside the glove box. That was ONLY for emergencies, like, running out of gas, or parking, unanticipated tolls, etc. Guess I was raised wrong? Just depend on the $20? No....I always checked the gas gauge before taking off, even if for a short trip. There's NO excuse for running out of gas, unless you get lost, gas gauge isn't working.....hey, stuff happens. I highly respected that $20, and never touched it. When I sold the car, I forget it and it went with the car. Guess they found it by now. See, the problem is, my dd is irresponsible because she was raised by an irresponsible parent, who, in turn, was raised by irresponsible parents. My dad gave me emergency money, although I ever touched it, I knew it was there, so I didn't "take responsibility" for myself, therefore, I passed my attitude on down to my DD.
Funny, how "bad parenting" has somehow been turned into good parenting, and vice versa. Ignore the kid, let whatever happen, tough, they'll learn the next time, pat yourself on the back, my what a good parent am I.....while you "spot" your friends another round of drinks, and kid has to go bum "help" off someone else. I'd rather have my kids come to me than a stranger......
Oh, here's how my "upbringing" shaped my deviant character. My mother was elderly, living alone, in another state. Long story short, I got a phone call she was having serious problems. Well, many were of her own doing, she hadn't planned, prepared for the unexpected, etc, so, let her learn the next time, right? No, I did the "wrong thing, just like my parents would have done. I hung up the phone, grabbed my purse, along with my cache of credit cards with high limits, jumped in the car, drove to the airport, caught the first plane home---to hell with the cost, FF miles, yadda, yadda, got home, rented a car, drove to Mom.......and stayed two weeks straightening out her problems. Helped I didn't work or have kids then........guess I was raised wrong.......
She's 19. It takes a while to get it all together, but she will. I imagine she was distracted thinking about the job interview for the better job, and the other part just isn't automatic yet. I wouldn't make much of it unless it continues.
When I first started driving my Dad gave a $20 bill, which he taped inside the glove box. That was ONLY for emergencies, like, running out of gas, or parking, unanticipated tolls, etc. Guess I was raised wrong? Just depend on the $20? No....I always checked the gas gauge before taking off, even if for a short trip. There's NO excuse for running out of gas, unless you get lost, gas gauge isn't working.....hey, stuff happens. I highly respected that $20, and never touched it. When I sold the car, I forget it and it went with the car. Guess they found it by now. See, the problem is, my dd is irresponsible because she was raised by an irresponsible parent, who, in turn, was raised by irresponsible parents. My dad gave me emergency money, although I ever touched it, I knew it was there, so I didn't "take responsibility" for myself, therefore, I passed my attitude on down to my DD.
Funny, how "bad parenting" has somehow been turned into good parenting, and vice versa. Ignore the kid, let whatever happen, tough, they'll learn the next time, pat yourself on the back, my what a good parent am I.....while you "spot" your friends another round of drinks, and kid has to go bum "help" off someone else. I'd rather have my kids come to me than a stranger......
Oh, here's how my "upbringing" shaped my deviant character. My mother was elderly, living alone, in another state. Long story short, I got a phone call she was having serious problems. Well, many were of her own doing, she hadn't planned, prepared for the unexpected, etc, so, let her learn the next time, right? No, I did the "wrong thing, just like my parents would have done. I hung up the phone, grabbed my purse, along with my cache of credit cards with high limits, jumped in the car, drove to the airport, caught the first plane home---to hell with the cost, FF miles, yadda, yadda, got home, rented a car, drove to Mom.......and stayed two weeks straightening out her problems. Helped I didn't work or have kids then........guess I was raised wrong.......
And see, I'm learning from your story...when my kiddos start driving, I'm going to stash a couple of
$20 bills in the car in different places. Then if they ever call me for an emergency that can be fixed with a few bucks, it will be there for them instantly. So I'm planning to be irresponsible too.
Actually, I'm already a "bad parent" because I took my kid out of the school where she was getting bullied and let her switch to online school. And because I buy hand sanitizer by the gallon and diaper wipes by the case for my other kid who has OCD, instead of forcing her to skip her cleaning rituals so I can force her to "just grow out of it". And I'm a bad daughter to a different group of people because I had to choose between seeing my parents all the time and keeping my kids safe (dad with dementia chases the kids around the house swinging his fists to try to punch them) and I picked my kids. So what does it really mean? In the internet court of public opinion, we're all guilty and all the Monday morning quarterbacks know what we should have done instead of what we did do. Either we're neglectful or we're helicopter parents and sometimes we're both at the same time.
Oh, here's how my "upbringing" shaped my deviant character. My mother was elderly, living alone, in another state. Long story short, I got a phone call she was having serious problems. Well, many were of her own doing, she hadn't planned, prepared for the unexpected, etc, so, let her learn the next time, right? No, I did the "wrong thing, just like my parents would have done. I hung up the phone, grabbed my purse, along with my cache of credit cards with high limits, jumped in the car, drove to the airport, caught the first plane home---to hell with the cost, FF miles, yadda, yadda, got home, rented a car, drove to Mom.......and stayed two weeks straightening out her problems. Helped I didn't work or have kids then........guess I was raised wrong.......
That is what love does It seems to me that many posters under the advice of "tough love" and "letting them deal with it" are hiding simple heartlessness and desire to deal with their kids as little as possible.
But I also think you should have explained to your daughter about parking and payment before you ever allowed her to drive out in the city. Just driving her around in the car when she was a kid and hoping she will pick up how to pay for parking just by watching you do it, does not work. You should have been talking to her and actively explaining things all the time. When I was little, my mother would take me everywhere with her: to the grocery store, to the bank to pay for utilities, almost any place she went. As we went, she would talk about traffic signs and what they mean, how to use public transportation, how to choose groceries and how to pay for them, how to calculate the energy bill - explaining pretty much every part of daily routine... Of course you cannot do this now once she is grown up.
People like to make "big deals" out of parenting, at least on this forum. Its some sort of nasty "competition". I am a target here, and have been over the years. Because my kids have made some bad choices, I am somehow to blame. She does have an ATM card, guess she just didn't have it with her that day? Why? The answer's obvious, I never taught her to always carry it Although I was the one who had her set up a bank account, direct deposit, ATM card, savings account, etc, guess I did something wrong there, too?
I've learned over the years she's not the only one who "disrespects" me. So do many "perfect parents" here on this board. I've learned once a person is labeled as a "bad parent" ---deserved or not---the label sticks. Why don't some of you stop and take a good look at yourselves before you go casting stones?
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII
When I first started driving my Dad gave a $20 bill, which he taped inside the glove box. That was ONLY for emergencies, like, running out of gas, or parking, unanticipated tolls, etc. Guess I was raised wrong? Just depend on the $20? No....I always checked the gas gauge before taking off, even if for a short trip. There's NO excuse for running out of gas, unless you get lost, gas gauge isn't working.....hey, stuff happens. I highly respected that $20, and never touched it. When I sold the car, I forget it and it went with the car. Guess they found it by now. See, the problem is, my dd is irresponsible because she was raised by an irresponsible parent, who, in turn, was raised by irresponsible parents. My dad gave me emergency money, although I ever touched it, I knew it was there, so I didn't "take responsibility" for myself, therefore, I passed my attitude on down to my DD.
Funny, how "bad parenting" has somehow been turned into good parenting, and vice versa. Ignore the kid, let whatever happen, tough, they'll learn the next time, pat yourself on the back, my what a good parent am I.....while you "spot" your friends another round of drinks, and kid has to go bum "help" off someone else. I'd rather have my kids come to me than a stranger......
Oh, here's how my "upbringing" shaped my deviant character. My mother was elderly, living alone, in another state. Long story short, I got a phone call she was having serious problems. Well, many were of her own doing, she hadn't planned, prepared for the unexpected, etc, so, let her learn the next time, right? No, I did the "wrong thing, just like my parents would have done. I hung up the phone, grabbed my purse, along with my cache of credit cards with high limits, jumped in the car, drove to the airport, caught the first plane home---to hell with the cost, FF miles, yadda, yadda, got home, rented a car, drove to Mom.......and stayed two weeks straightening out her problems. Helped I didn't work or have kids then........guess I was raised wrong.......
I must have missed the multitude of responses calling you a bad parent because your daughter didn't have $10 to pay for parking.
No, not one person in this thread has called the OP a bad parent or claimed to be a perfect parent.
Any of us who has raised children at all knows that parenting is only one of many factors in how the kids turn out. They have their own personalities and they want to make their own decisions. Some are highly thoughtful and responsible from an early age and others take a long time to get there, if they ever do!
One mistake parents tend to make is in praising themselves when their kids make great decisions, and blaming themselves when their kids make bad decisions. We parents take it all way too personally. And frankly, society does the same. There is a whole lot of "blaming the parent" going on in our culture, with the result that even though no one here actually blamed this parent because her daughter went out with no way to pay for parking, she assumed that everyone WAS blaming her!
There is also a fine balance between being there for our kids and helping out when they truly need us, and being available 24-7 for every little thing. If this incident with the parking was a one-off, it's not a big deal. If it's part of a larger pattern in which the parents are constantly being called upon to rush over and pick up the pieces because daughter just never thinks about the consequences of her actions, then it's time for them to start backing off and let more responsibility fall on her shoulders.
I must have missed the multitude of responses calling you a bad parent because your daughter didn't have $10 to pay for parking.
That's because there were none. She has been called out in other threads for other things she did or did not do when she posted about them.
In this case, I think dad did the right thing and her dd will learn from this small mistake. Kids should be able to call home for help, imNsho. I do think that if the parents were working and not able to take off, they might not have been able to go and help and in that case, we can't know what might have happened.
That is what love does It seems to me that many posters under the advice of "tough love" and "letting them deal with it" are hiding simple heartlessness and desire to deal with their kids as little as possible.
But I also think you should have explained to your daughter about parking and payment before you ever allowed her to drive out in the city. Just driving her around in the car when she was a kid and hoping she will pick up how to pay for parking just by watching you do it, does not work. You should have been talking to her and actively explaining things all the time. When I was little, my mother would take me everywhere with her: to the grocery store, to the bank to pay for utilities, almost any place she went. As we went, she would talk about traffic signs and what they mean, how to use public transportation, how to choose groceries and how to pay for them, how to calculate the energy bill - explaining pretty much every part of daily routine... Of course you cannot do this now once she is grown up.
We didn't know she was going until she called for help. Like I said, she doesn't live with us, she lives with BF, and was using BF car.
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It happens. After that, we always made sure to have a few dollars stashed in the glove compartment.
Either we're neglectful or we're helicopter parents and sometimes we're both at the same time.
It seems to me that many posters under the advice of "tough love" and "letting them deal with it" are hiding simple heartlessness and desire to deal with their kids as little as possible. 
Although I was the one who had her set up a bank account, direct deposit, ATM card, savings account, etc, guess I did something wrong there, too? 
