Teacher Kissed Son on Lips (teaching, 5 year old, grandpa, students)
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At 5, kissing on the lips is often normal...not usually in a school setting. But if a kid felt it was dirty, they might report an accidental encounter.
Yeah I def considered that he is not saying accurately what happened. But two things lead me to believe it is the truth. The first being he offered this info to me unprompted. The second being I have seen her ask for hugs from him. In a forced kind of way that was unnatural. But I agree I have to bring this up tactfully and see if they can investigate it. However I am going to make it clear that I don't want teachers asking my son for a hug or kissing him at all. Unprompted genuine affection prompted by the student is fine. But asking kids for affection seems needy and unprofessional.
I get it. My kids went to a very good preschool. One teacher (that I was able to side step) insisted daily on a hug, high five or a hand shake. I felt no child should be forced into any type of physical encounter. Even a High-5. But it seemed like I was the only one to suggest that wasnt ok.
Oh I see!! It is a small chain daycare. It is accredited. You are right, they should have protocols. I plan to speak to the director tomorrow. There have been other issues lately and I am thinking of moving my kids. They love it there and I hate to upset their routine but some of these things are big issues (the kissing issue, missed medication, consistently failing to put on sunscreen for outside time). I am getting tired of trying to address things.
I would address all these issues with the director. Then depending how you feel after talking to the director...make your decision.
At 5, kissing on the lips is often normal...not usually in a school setting. But if a kid felt it was dirty, they might report an accidental encounter.
Women can be pedophiles too.
Its a 50/50 issue.
Go with your gut.
Agree with most of this, but as OP acknowledged, kids don't always have an accurate account of things happening. I've learned - I know mine didn't and a few times I was going to act on some things that turned out weren't 100% accurate. If you're going to leave the pre-K anyway, just leave. Accusations especially as serious as this should have proof.
So OP, you're saying that two people kissed your son on the lips? A teacher and this other woman? Sounds like a whole lotta kissin’ at this school. I too would find that very inappropriate and uncomfortable. But sounds to me like it’s an issue of someone who lives with a different set of behaviors and maybe a personality issue. Is this person of a specific culture – there are cultures who this would be appropriate with. I’m not sure if I’d go to the director, I may just ask the woman if it were true and if she confirmed, I would casually tell her that it’s not something we do. Aside from that...
In terms of it being unsanitary - that's a weird thought.
In terms of it being a health issue – that’s a weird thought.
In terms of it being a germ issue – that’s a weird thought.
In terms of not knowing her health history – that’s a weird thought.
So you have a good dose of weirdness going on too. It’s just a different weirdness. That said, I wouldn’t like it and would address it.
Please talk with the other teacher/staff member that went on the field trip to see what she observed. I used to teach children that age and sometimes they misunderstand or misinterpret things that happen. In addition, sometimes a parent may ask leading questions that the child doesn't understand or the child will say "yes" to please the parent.
I am not saying that your child lied about what happened but remember that he is only five and is thinking and remembering things like a child. Before you rush in and get someone fired or arrested try to get more information from the other adult/adults who were there.
You would be amazed at how many parents call the police, or the TV stations or other parents to report a crime before they even talk to other adults who were present at the time to see what they observed.
If this woman is too "touchy-feely" others would have noticed it. Please follow through on this matter but get more information before getting too upset. I bet that it was just a misunderstanding or a joke or something completely innocent.
OP, I second the suggestion that you first talk to the other adults on the field trip. Then talk to the woman herself. You don't have to be accusatory (remember, you attract more flies with honey than vinegar), just say this is what my son told me and I'd like to confirm what actually happened.
Advocate for your son. Tell her to stop hugging him and definitely no kissing. Such displays of affection from non-family members are uncomfortable for him.
Your germs and health concerns are non-issues, really. The only issue is that behavior is inappropriate and not welcome.
None of OP's thoughts are weird. Mononucleosis is spread by kissing. Std's,warts other such gross things are rampant these days.
I volunteered at my kids preschool, and would not dream of kissing another person's kid on the lips. Talk to the director.
I don't think kids should ever be forced into physical contact with adults against their will. But......for many cultures kissing on the lips is commonly accepted and not taboo or considered sexual in any way.
I agree with op and Petite Jean. Kissing on the lips by anyone other than family is weird and insanitary. I am an educator and years ago I taught preschoolers in a preK setting. The classroom teacher was a young, new teacher and she would kiss one little girl on the lips and I would cringe. The little girl was special needs and didn't know any better, but as an adult the teacher should have. The thought of the germ exchange was one thing but the impropriety was just repugnant to me and so I spoke to the teacher and just came right out and told her it could easily be misinterpreted as such.
This teacher apparently just didn't have appropriate boundaries as a couple of years later she had a very public affair with our married principal (The teacher was herself married to a very physically handicapped man.). The affair tore the school apart. It was very messy. She moved to another town and remarried, this time to someone she knew from the start was terminally ill. (He died shortly after they wed.) She was an odd duck who seemed really out of place in an educational setting for young children.
OP should follow her gut. I would take my child out of that preschool...
The pressuring him to hug her is the big red flag to me. I would ask about the kissing incident as it may not have been as your son said it and anyway if he requested it that's different - I've seen a child at my kid's daycare kiss one of the teachers on the lips of her own volition, in front of her parent, and I think it was right that the teacher didn't freak out and try and stop her.
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