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If this is a consideration of having kids, then you are definitely not ready for them. Having a child that you cannot provide for is selfish.
Not everything happens the way that you plan for it to happen, all the time. What do you do when you suddenly have half the income that you had before and the prices of gas, groceries and utilities have increased sharply? Do you say, "Sorry, kid, I didn't expect this and I am not ready for you after all. Time for you to get dropped off at a fire station. I bet someone will adopt you, someday!" No. You do what you have to do, go through your savings, fall back on the safety nets that are available to you, and you get through the hard times, then try to plan well enough to never have hard times again. Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes you think you're getting over it and then you get laid off or your company runs out of money to pay you and starts paying you in IOU's and asks you to start donating your time to them.
I worked with a woman who had given her three children up for adoption because her husband went to jail and she had no way to provide for the children. 25 years later, she was still searching for them, still talking about their favorite things and what she hoped they had done with their lives. She was broken. And her children probably didn't have the best of times in foster care. Was that really a great solution? She did things in the right order, got married, started a family, then her husband's bad choices cost her everything.
I guess that's the biggest thing to take away from this thread...you're a parent no matter what life throws at you. And that's the hardest part of all. There's no quitting or sending them back if life gets difficult.
Is it expensive?
Is it an easy or hard job?
Do kids always get you tired at the end of the day?
Less Sex/Free Time?
Is raising kids rewarding?
Expensive? Absolutely. Not only with "things", but education, and health care. Even food, because now you have "more mouths to feed"
Hard or easy? It will be the hardest job you ever do, because now you have to work your life around them, put off your wants because of them, etc. In short your life revolves around them, and you are always second guessing yourself if you are doing things right or wrong. They come first, you're not even in the running.
Tired at the end of the day? The older they get, the easier. Babies take up all your time 24 hrs a day. You don't go anywhere if you can't find a babysitter, etc. As they get older they can do more for themselves, but there are also different problems to deal with, like school, sports, friends, their love life, peer pressure, driving, etc.
Sex/ free time? What's that?
Rewarding? Yes it can be rewarding.
However, no matter what kind of parent you are, or what you do for them, there is no guarantee that someday they decide they hate you and disappear from your life.
There is also no guarantee that they accept your values and teachings.
No matter how good a parent you are, they could still run with the wrong ppl, get into drugs or crime, or even God forbid- dies from illness, accidents, murder (yes I know ppl whose son was murdered going to a fake job interview).
It isn't an easy decision, esp when you look around and see how screwed up the world is now. No more Ozzie and Harriet (you may need to look that up).
Is it expensive?
Is it an easy or hard job?
Do kids always get you tired at the end of the day?
Less Sex/Free Time?
Is raising kids rewarding?
Is it expensive?
Like a previous poster said, ours was a potential earnings loss because I stay at home. As for "stuff" - not really. I bargain hunt for a lot of things like clothes, toys, etc. My kids are still young. I anticipate the costs will increase to "expensive" when we pay for their college education.
Is it easy or hard?
I don't find it hard - I just found it exhausting at the beginning years. But now that the youngest is 4, the only area that is hard for me is being patient all of the time and always choosing to parent the right way and not the easiest way at the moment, e.g., trying not the "fix" their problems.
Am I tired at the end of the day?
When they are 3 and younger - yes!!! But once they are independent, not really when you have a co-parent and not a "helper".
Less sex and free time?
Yes. And yes. But less just means less for us not little or none. The kids are in bed by 8:30. After that time, it's just DH and me.
Is it rewarding?
Yes! The littles things ...omg. I love it when I see pure joy in their little faces.
The worst part?
Two things: (1) the continuous worry of their physical safety and (2) wondering constantly if any of what I am doing makes any difference.
The best thing is just about everything when they are little (except not sleeping). They look at you like you hung the stars.
The worst thing is when they get their driver's license or, in the case of my friend, the dreaded 3 a.m. knock on the door from the Highway Patrol telling you that your daughter has been killed in an auto accident.
The best thing is just about everything when they are little (except not sleeping). They look at you like you hung the stars.
The worst thing is when they get their driver's license or, in the case of my friend, the dreaded 3 a.m. knock on the door from the Highway Patrol telling you that your daughter has been killed in an auto accident.
You have hit the nail on the head & I am so sorry.
That is what I meant when I said both the best thing & the worst thing was "falling in love".
I had a son who was born on Easter Sunday 10 months after I lost my little girl.
5 minutes after he was born, as I sat holding him & counting fingers & toes & smelling his hair, I burst into
tears (not like tears dripping down my cheeks but the heavy, heaving sobs that make your lips go numb).
A nurse rushed in saying "He's perfect; why are you crying?"
I wailed back "Because I LOVE him!"
She didn't know what I meant; that the second I fell in love I was aware of my absolute vunerability in this
Best part was being in the delivery room and having the child put in my arms after the birth,Fast forward 22 years and that child just moved out of the house to a place on the other side of the country
Best: love/fun, company, entertainment, people who think you are wonderful (for 15 years).
Worst: Poop.
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