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My mother in law makes the 8 hour drive to come see us several times a year. She brings her dog with her. It's much harder for us to travel because we work full time and the children are in school. She is retired (with a fixed income), but it is easier for her because she doesn't have to be anywhere.
She's actually decided to move here, and is working on putting her house up for rent.
Just sayin.
I have decided to move down there by them when the time comes , still ten yrs before hubby retires . I have told them so and they are glad . My daughter is the only child that does not guilt me into coming to visit all the time . Again your mother in law has a dog we have two big difference and they don't have room in their house so I would have to stay in a hotel and those are exspensive as well . some even charge extra for the pet . I'm also working on getting a better car so I would be able in a yr or so to travel without worry that the car would take a dump on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere .
you have a dog , I have two , big difference in cost ....
I've had as many as 3 dogs at a time. Still less to board them than to travel with an entire family. And that's not including the time taken off from work for them.
wow you trust people a lot don't you ? i would not be comfortable trusting a complete stranger access to my home. i just don't trust people with my dogs or any of my belongings . My dogs are also 12 and 14 yrs old so it wont be long before they are gone and then i can make the trip easier because i would be financially able then .
The more you respond, the less badly I feel for you. You continue to make excuses as to why your dogs are more important than seeing your grandkids.
I've had as many as 3 dogs at a time. Still less to board them than to travel with an entire family. And that's not including the time taken off from work for them.
Finances aren't the reason for us. But the OP is saying she's a 6 hour drive away. We are 8 hours from our grandchild. For the past several years we've paid for dog sitters, hotel rooms, and all meals in order to see our grandson. And, I work. Yet the onus is on the grandparents to make all the effort. I'm with the OP here. The road goes both ways, and everybody has to compromise regarding the expended effort.
I did it, my parents did it, my adult son and DIL will not do it.
Finances aren't the reason for us. But the OP is saying she's a 6 hour drive away. We are 8 hours from our grandchild. For the past several years we've paid for dog sitters, hotel rooms, and all meals in order to see our grandson. And, I work. Yet the onus is on the grandparents to make all the effort. I'm with the OP here. The road goes both ways, and everybody has to compromise regarding the expended effort.
I did it, my parents did it, my adult son and DIL will not do it.
But from what the OP said, it doesn't sound as though she works. That alone makes it a lot easier for her to see them. She also never mentioned anything about having to get a hotel, so I'm guessing that's not an issue or she would have mentioned it, since the whole gist of this post is the cost. Her only problem, from what she said, it having to board her dogs.
I have decided to move down there by them when the time comes , still ten yrs before hubby retires . I have told them so and they are glad . My daughter is the only child that does not guilt me into coming to visit all the time . Again your mother in law has a dog we have two big difference and they don't have room in their house so I would have to stay in a hotel and those are exspensive as well . some even charge extra for the pet . I'm also working on getting a better car so I would be able in a yr or so to travel without worry that the car would take a dump on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere .
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarnivalGal
But from what the OP said, it doesn't sound as though she works. That alone makes it a lot easier for her to see them. She also never mentioned anything about having to get a hotel, so I'm guessing that's not an issue or she would have mentioned it, since the whole gist of this post is the cost. Her only problem, from what she said, it having to board her dogs.
Her spouse works, and her son doesn't have room in his house, so a hotel is needed. Again, making an effort goes both ways. It shouldn't always be on the grandparents to foot the expense and the journey.
How old are your grandkids? I think this matters. If they are younger I totally understand them not wanting to visit and have you visit. A 6 hour car ride with two young kids turns into 7/8 hours.
I also see your side with the cost of boarding. We just paid $308 for our dog. We had to use a kennel because our dog is still young and can't be trusted not to chew stuff up. Does your vet do boarding? That is usually cheaper then one of the kennels. I
OP, just admit it isn't about the dogs and you don't want to go. The dog excuse is just passive aggressive and denying why you really don't want to go. It sounds like you are upset you do all the traveling. I get that. But I also get the kids wanting to have a relationship with their grandparents and the PIA it is to drag kids on a long car trip.
We have stopped visiting the grandparents because their house wasnt suitable for children (hard to explain). They have moved so we might visit again. Grandpa has continued to visit us but Grandma is being passive aggressive and not coming to visit anymore since we haven't gone there in 5 years. It doesn't actually bother me that she does that. I worked so hard trying to make my own mom into a loving grandmother when she just wasnt one. I don't waste my time trying to make them care about seeing the kids anymore. Eventually your son will likely come around and stop caring if you don't want to see them (and stop trying to maintain that relationship).
In my experience the apple never falls far from the tree.
Clearly the guilt trip is working because you feel defensive. Just stop feeling defensive and it won't work against you anymore. Is anything he says going to change your reality? Nope? Then don't visit until you can afford to do so, and don't feel you have to justify your choices to him or anyone else. It really is as simple as that.
Have you considered travelling separately from your husband? He can stay home with the dogs, you can go visit the kids, then vice versa. Might be nice...
I just got through telling my son that I could not afford to take a trip to see the grandkids this year because the dogs cost too much to board now . He then proceeded to tell me he guesses the dogs are more important than the grandkids are , I told him no it was just a financial situation and I live on a fixed income as well they know that .I also told them they were capable of coming here as well . I have offered them the extra room I have for them to sleep in . Oh no that would be too hard to drag the kids and stuff up here . I swear I just cannot win with them . I don't know how grown children can get an attitude so quick with their parents . I guess I have offended them because I wont jump through hoops financially to go down for a visit .I truly think that they don't know what it is to live on a fixed income and how hard that is . well now I want to hear from other grandparents in similar sittuations and what did you do ? or what do you do ? I admit it has been two years since I have gone down but there is just nothing I can do in the realm of finances this year .
I have to wonder how much you are guilting him for not bringing the kids to see you.
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