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You COULD spend some time trying to turn these awkward encounters into so-called "teachable moments," but it's obvious y'all are in over your heads. Time for her to go home.
As parents, you're going to have to get over being afraid to talk to people or make people uncomfortable.
Yes, I agree that we should have had some ground rules or at least addressed things when we first noticed it. This was my first time hosting any child/teen and I didn't know what to do - I foolishly thought it would all be just fun and a good time. I am very afraid of hurting her feelings and also talking badly about me to my sister. My sister has hosted us and was very hospitable.. granted only for a week and we paid for everything.
Heck, I have ground rules even when adults stay at MY home. It's MY home! Treat it and me with respect or get the f out. Yeah, I'm that blunt. I am not a doormat.
You're afraid of hurting her feelings? Why? She doesn't give a rat's behind about yours. Will you care if she starts making claims about sexual things your husband did to her? Will you care about her feelings if he is arrested? Protect your own family! Who cares if a teenager doesn't say nice things about you to your sister? Everyone isn't going to like you. Be an adult! Act like a parent! She is NOT your friend. She is a child in your care.
Giving the benefit of doubt (4.5 could also be referred to as 5 and husband and wife could be using the same account).
If this girl is really acting out this way, she has some serious problems at home.
The OP ( and probably her sister and the rest of the family) has no idea about setting boundaries, which means her 4.5 or 5 year old son is going to be a spoiled hellion himself.
We do set boundaries with our 'almost' 5 year old and he is well behaved. But I admit I did not know how to handle having a child thats not mine - if I am in a place to discipline or not since Im not her parent, especially considering her age (not a little kid anymore - should know better..).
How do I go about talking to her about the sexual references? What do I say without sounding crazy? I feel like she will take it the wrong way or say 'I didnt mean anything by it'.. where do I go from there?
How do I go about talking to her about the sexual references? What do I say without sounding crazy? I feel like she will take it the wrong way or say 'I didnt mean anything by it'.. where do I go from there?
You don't.
Most people would pull her aside and talk to her in private when it happens. But you had to get your "almost" 5-year-old to ask her to clean up after herself. NO WAY are you equipped to have this conversation.
This is a conversation you need to have with your sister.
So much is wrong it's impossible to list all the issues.
Starting with your Mom funding this trip even though her grades were still not improved. That sits very low expectations and this child knows it.
Having your 5 year old talk to your 15 yr old niece about cleaning. Terrible parenting
Allowing to be sexually suggestive repeatedly to your husband and your friends. Pure crazy....Once and you should have sit her little butt down and made a believer out of her. I would never let her be around your husband alone, one false accusation from this out of control kid could destroy your family or your friends family.
Treating your Mom, her G Mother disrespectfully. Hell No
Taking her shopping, to theme parks. Never should have happened, especially after she was ungrateful the first time!
You need to tell your sister how badly this child behaves.
I would have sent her butt home the first week.Instead you've reinforced her terrible behavior by appeasing /catering to her.
What you accept you teach
You said everything. I would have a talk with the mother and then bring the girl in with the mom on speakerphone and address everything. If things are that bad, I would have sent her home the first week. The sexual stuff is so out of bounds and I would have set that stuff straight asap. NEVER allow her to be behind a closed door with any male or alone with any male because any accusation will forever be a cloud - true or not. And these kids know how to work the system and get what they want with absolutely no concern for the destruction their lies will wreak.
This is a conversation you need to have with your sister.
You're right. What do I say to my sister? For some reason I feel like my niece maybe didnt realize what she was doing - she is still a child and maybe my sister will see it that way too and think Im crazy for accusing her of being too sexual, etc. I dont have a large family and dont want to ruin the relationship..
How do I go about talking to her about the sexual references? What do I say without sounding crazy? I feel like she will take it the wrong way or say 'I didnt mean anything by it'.. where do I go from there?
You need to tell her that saying what she was saying is not allowed and that you will pull her aside any time she says inappropriate things to explain why those things are inappropriate.
If she downplays what she said, tell her that is fine, but not acceptable when visiting you.
You also need to quite paying for things for her and buying her things.
The boundaries you set for her should be the same as any visitor.
You're right. What do I say to my sister? For some reason I feel like my niece maybe didnt realize what she was doing - she is still a child and maybe my sister will see it that way too and think Im crazy for accusing her of being too sexual, etc. I dont have a large family and dont want to ruin the relationship..
You tell your sister the exact words that she said (the ones you posted here). Then ask her if she feels that is inappropriate. If she thinks it isn't, then you should never have the niece visit again.
You should also be talking to the niece and setting boundaries up around this stuff, as well as the other things.
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Yes, yes, yes
