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I dont know how she behaves at her house honestly. We visited my sister a while back but only for a short period of time and she was fine then - but wasnt around as much - she was with friends, etc. I do know she does poorly in school but she hasnt had any issues with drugs, etc or boys really. She's very active in school sports, etc. She just is very loud, shameless - very out there and open. Her father is the same exact way and he is also extremely flirtatious, with family, friends etc - he's made me uncomfortable every time I visited them. So part of me also thought maybe this is just her personality or what she's been taught.
Welcome to the future. It's the Post-Millennial (PM) generation. Did you think things couldn't get any worse than the way they've been the past 20 years with young people? They can and are. This girl's behavior seems to be the product of a home where no discipline has been applied. She reminds me of a character in the old movie, "Girl's Reform School". I can just imagine the kind of boyfriends she has back home. That may be one reason why she was sent off for such a long time. You'd better have a good and no-nonsense talk with your sister about her right away. Your husband is being put in danger by her presence and she isn't providing a very good example for your young son, either.
Funny you say that because in the last couple of days my son has started making comments "[niece] is lazy" "[niece] doesnt say thank you". I had to explain to him that thats not right but its not nice to say things like that to someone's face.
The most amazing and unexpected thing about parenting is that is forces US as parents to continue growing up as well.
It sounds like this has been a huge learning experience for you and your husband, and you will be better able to handle this stuff going forward. You ARE well within your rights to call her on stuff because she is a minor in your care.
I would expect more days of her being locked in her room. Hang in there.
Why are you treating her like some kind of special princess that should be carried around and catered to? She's a kid, you're adults, and parents to boot. I can't believe that you let a teen run all over you like this. I would've put a stop to this nonsense the first week or sent her packing back to mommy's. I know your mom paid for the tickets, but she's staying in your home where you are supposed to make the rules. If you wouldn't let your own child treat you this way, why would you let your sister's?
Funny you say that because in the last couple of days my son has started making comments "[niece] is lazy" "[niece] doesnt say thank you". I had to explain to him that thats not right but its not nice to say things like that to someone's face.
Nonsense. If what's said is true (not picking up, not saying please and thank you) and the child is not called on their behavior, then they learn that it's acceptable.
What we accept, we promote.
When you set expectations at the start, then there are no misunderstandings. When everyone knows their role you can have fun without harboring all the negative energy caused by someone not living up to unvoiced expectations. I was needed to care for my tween stepson during the unfortunate episode of his mother being jailed and his father being deployed for 6 months. We got off on the right foot by my explaining the rules and sticking to them. He did his job, pushing the envelope, and we all learned that it's way more fun when things are done the way the adults say.
Overseas. Which also makes me think maybe they are a bit more loose there sexually, etc...
Oh lol ok .. Yes my Dutch step daughter is or WAS this way and when I lived there my husband had let it go on so long that I told him if she cannot get a grip I am going to take my daughters and go back to the states. I am still viewed as the b*tch by some family members but I really don't care. Her mom married some guy from Italy and left her with us and OMG the whole FAMILY had been bending over backwards to please her for years .. it finally came down to no school no work because of she did either of those 2 things she would not be able to have "private time with her boyfriend " which would occur anywhere at anytime in our house . I am NOT kidding here .
My sister in law from the other side of Holland ( different culture) pulled me aside at her housewarming party one year to ask me to PLEASE get her under control.. she like your niece was coming on VERY strong to every man at the party including her uncles . VERY awkward situation . I told my husband to deal with it NOW. Family was in total denial .Only time we hear from her now at age 29 is if she needs money .
I think you should suggest to your sister that she get some counseling and maybe your sister and her father (if he is present in the home ) should all go to family counseling . It is not right the way she is acting and this girl might just be disturbed mentally and that should be examined as well . I feel for you I'm sure this is not easy for you either to be discussing your nieces behavior to your sister .
Nonsense. If what's said is true (not picking up, not saying please and thank you) and the child is not called on their behavior, then they learn that it's acceptable.
What we accept, we promote.
When you set expectations at the start, then there are no misunderstandings. When everyone knows their role you can have fun without harboring all the negative energy caused by someone not living up to unvoiced expectations. I was needed to care for my tween stepson during the unfortunate episode of his mother being jailed and his father being deployed for 6 months. We got off on the right foot by my explaining the rules and sticking to them. He did his job, pushing the envelope, and we all learned that it's way more fun when things are done the way the adults say.
My son, who was 5 at the time, told our kinship foster daughter that she was mean to everyone. And that he didn't want her there. She burst out crying and ran out of the room. He felt horrible. I talked to both her therapist and mine and both said the same thing, that it was more then ok for her to hear how a 5 year old felt about her being there. I tried to reassure my son that, while we should try not to say mean things, it was ok for him to feel that way and even say it. He still felt terrible. When she eventually moved out he thought part of the reason was because he said that to her
You're right. What do I say to my sister? For some reason I feel like my niece maybe didnt realize what she was doing
she is still a child and maybe my sister will see it that way too and think Im crazy for accusing her of being too sexual, etc. I dont have a large family and dont want to ruin the relationship..
She is not a child anymore, and her behavior is anything but. I'd bet you a million dollars, that your 15yr old niece knows exactly what she is doing. And That's what genuinely worries me.
It is one thing for a teenager to flirt with other teenagers. But making multiple sexual advances on OLDER MEN, is a huge red flag. That is not normal nor is it healthy.
It leads me to ask what is her home life like. Are her parents married or divorced, is her father around? What is she like in school, what about the kind of kids she hangs out with, hobbies, school performance etc.....
You need to sit down with your sister and have a serious discussion.
Oh lol ok .. Yes my Dutch step daughter is or WAS this way and when I lived there my husband had let it go on so long that I told him if she cannot get a grip I am going to take my daughters and go back to the states. I am still viewed as the b*tch by some family members but I really don't care. Her mom married some guy from Italy and left her with us and OMG the whole FAMILY had been bending over backwards to please her for years .. it finally came down to no school no work because of she did either of those 2 things she would not be able to have "private time with her boyfriend " which would occur anywhere at anytime in our house . I am NOT kidding here .
My sister in law from the other side of Holland ( different culture) pulled me aside at her housewarming party one year to ask me to PLEASE get her under control.. she like your niece was coming on VERY strong to every man at the party including her uncles . VERY awkward situation . I told my husband to deal with it NOW. Family was in total denial .Only time we hear from her now at age 29 is if she needs money .
Yep. This is why I am a bit worried about bringing this up even to my sister - it may be just the way they all act there and then I come out looking like the uptight witch ..
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