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Are you a bad role model? Who knows. However, I see some passive aggressive red flags.
1. Any man who refers to women as "female" in the context that you do is automatically suspect. And sadly, stereotypical. And you know exactly what I mean.
2. "'Female' is not what it used to be." WTF does that mean? What, exactly do you expect? Because, the way I'm reading it, a guy with 2 baby mamas ain't exactly husband material. Doesn't sound like you have much respect for women, period. You said it yourself, you "got bored with women after a few months," and this was at least up to 3 years ago. That's not a long time ago.
3. While you might have been "born" into a traditional family structure, if your mom raised you and your siblings with no father, then you did not grow up in a traditional family. I'm confused as to why your family would tisk-tisk about your behavior, as it's not exactly atypical, considering your family structure. I can't help but wonder if some of your anger at their comments isn't because you sense a bit of truth in your "role model" quality.
4. It sounds like you want a cookie for doing the bare minimum- being in your children's lives. I read all of the excuses- I was working, I missed birthdays and holidays, I see the kids on weekends, and you even throw in that you're still in shape and take care of yourself. Everything is about YOU. I've yet to hear anything about what you actually DO WITH YOUR KIDS. You had time for trips. So, have you taken either kid on a trip on one of those weekends? Did they have everything they needed during the week with mom? Do you have a cordial relationship with the mothers?
5. Yes, talk to the oldest, but be prepared for an answer you might not want to hear. If he has the same attitude with women that you have, well, don't be surprised if the cycle perpetuates itself.
6. I realize my post comes off as rather aggressive. It's very difficult to read context, sometimes. It's very possible that you were quite sincere in questioning whether or not you're a good role model and really want to do a good job. Asking if you're a good role model and being one are 2 different things, and I'm not reading anything that says you are. I know men in your predicament, but because I have more than just written words, I can easily see that they're doing the best they can and wouldn't hesitate to call them good fathers, even if they've never been married to the mother. If you're sincere, and I truly hope that you are, there's still time to be a great father!
1. Sorry if I came across as disrespectful to women. It was certainly not my intention.
2. The problems of typing too fast. That sentence doesn't make any sense! I apologise. What I was trying to say is that as I get older, it's only normal to expect less attention from women. I'm not husband material because I never intended to be a husband anyway.
3. What I was trying to say is that even families that originally "structured and traditional" fall apart and the children end up being raised in similar circumstances to my own kids.
4. Yes, there was plenty of weekend trips and summer holidays with the eldest and the same is happenning with the youngest. I take them to the mountains, to a different city, abroad, etc.
And yes they have everything they need. I pay more child support than I'm supposed to and no I don't feel as if I'm doing anything special here. I have a very cordial "working" relationship with both their mothers.
5. I can try that but as I've said, he's very reserved. I doubt he would have a straightforward answer. I've always taught him to be good to others so I guess that includes women.
Honestly, OP, you sound a lot better than a lot of dad's out there to me. You know why? Because you care enough to wonder if you're doing a good job as a dad. Being a good role model is what YOU make of it- if you believe that being a good role model includes a, b, c and d, then teach that to your kids. Plenty of kids grow up in non-traditional ways and turn out just fine. What makes the difference is having involved parents who care about their children's feelings and futures and take the time to invest in both.
I agree with your stance on not introducing your kids to any of the women you date, as that only brings about confusion. And so what if you don't want to settle down and get married? It's better than getting married because you believe you have to and then being miserable. At least you know who you are and what you want and expect of yourself. Your kids' moms seem to be good ones and you seem to be a good dad so your kids are already ahead of the game there. Being respectful and kind to the the mothers of your kids is huge so keep up with that.
Appreciate your kids and always be involved and willing to teach them. You'll do fine!
Well you're there for them aren't you? You'd be surprised how many fathers can not even do that. Just to be available speaks volumes. Even families with a married mom and dad, have issues.
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