Should I buy my daughter a car? (activity, accidents, husband)
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Ok, but independence comes with responsibilities. I have no issue with teens getting cars, only if they are given them without any caveats. The OP didn't say his daughter had any reason to own a car of her own, so that decision is his alone.
I disagree with the bold, I think the decision should be his and his wife's together.
Why can't she walk? At 17 crossing a busy street and walking a mile is nothing.
At 17 I had to carry 6 large textbooks and 6 large notebooks, plus my band instrument, music, and gym clothes back and forth to school every day. And a large water bottle because the water fountains were pretty gross. It was at least 40 pounds. Walking a mile with all that crap is going to be damaging for your back until you have trained and worked your way up to it.
It's less than a mile. When something is so close it's an excellent habit to walk it and not drive.
Responses such as this pretty much play right into the OP's hands. He's trying to make it all about the trifling distance to school, as if it's some character flaw to not walk. And as far as the 90%-of-the-time-it'll-just-sit-in-the-driveway argument, you can pretty much say that about any car.
The purpose of the post (Like most here) isn't really to ask for advice, but to ask everybody to agree with him. Yet here are the questions I'd like answered.
1) Where does she go to college? Who drives her?
2) How many other kids are there?
3) What other outside activities does she have? Who drives her?
4) What other outside activities do the other kids have? And who drives them?
5) What errands need to be performed?
6) How is she going to earn money? Does she have a part time job? After all, that's much more character building than a fifteen-minute walk to school.
None of these questions are even touched on by the crowd who wants to talk about how their walking three miles to school in the snow uphill both ways as a character building experience.
Again, the big hint here is that the mom wants the daughter to have a car. And I suspect that it's for a pretty good reason.
I disagree with the bold, I think the decision should be his and his wife's together.
Yep. If I asserted that a household decision like this was mine and mine alone, I'm pretty sure my wife would clock me with a skillet and let me sleep on the couch for a couple of weeks.
Yep. If I asserted that a household decision like this was mine and mine alone, I'm pretty sure my wife would clock me with a skillet and let me sleep on the couch for a couple of weeks.
Hahahahhahahaha awesome.
If my husband did that, I'd probably change the wifi password.
Don't buy the car. Makes no sense that your stay at home wife can't drop off/pick up or your daughter or just walk on nice days. Save the money and get her a decent car for college.
I walked to school from grade school on until I had a job (which I took the bus to) until I could buy a car....
I walked or biked almost everywhere... It did not kill me... If it was too far I took the bus...
The wife is a SAHM and that is her job..If part of the job is to take the daughter to school and pick her up then so be it...
Also if she has to run errands that is part of her job as well... Not sure why she is home teaching BUT that is Also part of her job if she chose to do it...
We are such a society of self entitled brats nowadays that we think everything needs to be handed to us in a pretty wrapped box with a bow on it...
The daughter neither wants a car nor license for whatever reasons... The Mom is being pushy IMO and the Dad is trying to handle the situation .....
And whether the parents have the money of not to buy another car why do it when it will just be a EXTRA thing to have....
Originally, I was 100% in the do not buy camp. Now, I'm only 50%. Here's why: Mom is tired with all her duties and responsibilities, not because she's simply tired of it, but probably because she's probably got too much and needs some kind of relief. Having said that, whose financial burden will this be? I think it would be unfair to pin that on the daughter since she isn't asking to get a car. HOWEVER, dad, if you're willing to shoulder the financial burden until she goes to college, then get one with the provision that you make her responsible to learn how to care for and maintain the car. This means whatever you want it to mean...teach her about tire pressure, oil changes, maintenance schedule, and when all this needs to be done. She can either let you know about these things, or learn to turn the wrench herself. This way when she's on her own, she'll be much better prepared to handle these things when you're not so accessible.
And by golly, everyone needs to teach their daughters how to maintain their cars!!!
Originally, I was 100% in the do not buy camp. Now, I'm only 50%. Here's why: Mom is tired with all her duties and responsibilities, not because she's simply tired of it, but probably because she's probably got too much and needs some kind of relief. Having said that, whose financial burden will this be? I think it would be unfair to pin that on the daughter since she isn't asking to get a car. HOWEVER, dad, if you're willing to shoulder the financial burden until she goes to college, then get one with the provision that you make her responsible to learn how to care for and maintain the car. This means whatever you want it to mean...teach her about tire pressure, oil changes, maintenance schedule, and when all this needs to be done. She can either let you know about these things, or learn to turn the wrench herself. This way when she's on her own, she'll be much better prepared to handle these things when you're not so accessible.
And by golly, everyone needs to teach their daughters how to maintain their cars!!!
I agree. I originally missed the part about not having sidewalks the entire mile walk/bike ride to school. While much of my city does not have sidewalks, the several block area around each school (the most dangerous areas) do have sidewalks. And, we do offer busing for ALL students. At the HS level, it is free if you live two miles or more from the school and it costs about $250 a year if you live closer than two miles. At less than 75 cents for each bus ride a surprising amount of teens ride the bus who live within walking distance (or at least ride in the winter or on rainy days).
And, it also depends on how easy it is to get to campus or to a future part time job. Can DD ride a city bus or will she always need rides to each of these places?
If DD gets a car does that mean that she will take over some of Mom & Dad's errand running? If yes, that can be a big bonus for everyone.
I have seen students who get cars suddenly "go wild" with the freedom and spend much more time at the mall, goofing around with friends and staying out late. OTOH, I have seen other students who take over a significant amount of driving younger siblings places and running numerous errands for their parents which makes it easier on everyone.
Obviously, this is a complex issue.
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