Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
As someone who played WoW since it came out, starting in college, here is my 2c:
WoW just had a new expansion, which will unfold on August 30. This is the absolutely most exciting (time consuming) time in the game. If you go in now and tell her she can't play it, she will be irate beyond anything you've ever done to her.
You can still go in and talk to her about your concerns - that she is spending her *entire* free time on the game to the exclusion of everything else she possibly can (the only reason she's doing the chores is to keep the subscription going). You would like to see her doing things outside of the game. Since she is in a guild, she probably has certain time blocks which she must devote to playing in order to stay in the guild, however, it doesn't have to be all consuming of her free time. Work with her to find out what times she can devote to doing things outside of WoW. Either
a) find out the times she is able to be interrupted to go to the mall with you or do other things that you want her to do, and she must agree to do them at this time no questions asks, in order to let her keep playing WoW.
b) agree on time blocks that she must devote to activities outside of WoW, in order for her to continue playing WoW.
As the expansion unfolds and her guild has done all the raids, there will only be repeat raids left, and leveling up multiple characters (doing the same experience over again). I predict this will happen towards January... at this point you can revisit your contract with her and ask that she spend more time doing things outside of WoW.
The idea behind my suggestions is that you are *working with her* to gradually get her re-engaged in the real world. If you just take her toy away (or randomly take her toy away while she is playing), she will resent this and resent not being able to play, and will not enjoy anything you do with her, and will not *want* to re-engage with the real world.
Hi, I am a 36 year old mom, and before I had kids, I did what your daughter did.
The best I can explain it is that your daughter is participating in something that is akin to a group sport, just without the exercise. A guild is a team of people who practice together, play together, and work together, to accomplish objectives in the game. A "raid" is like a soccer game or football game. The whole team or "guild" has to report at a certain time, there are leaders of different sections of the guild (guild lead, recruitment lead, raid lead, loot lead, and then there's leads for raiding roles, such as tanks, dps, and healers). Some members of the guild are designated as "officers", and they take on the leadership roles and responsibilities in the guild, and during the raids.
During the raids, the guilds go to dungeons, to defeat a series of monsters and collect the "loot", or rewards, that they drop. Sounds simple. But the harder monsters actually have very difficult strategies required to beat them, strategies which require the different player roles to work together, as each player has different attributes that contribute in different ways. Back in our heyday, we would spend weeks working on the strategy to beat one monster. We would use computer programs to collect statistics on which spells we use were most effective with other spells, and many other similar types of things, and then use mathematical analysis on the statistics to maximize the amount of damage done by combinations of spells in the shortest amount of time while still dodging the attacks of the monster (known as a boss). The whole guild would run different analyses on their particular role, and then the players would work together to build a cohesive strategy. Then you have to practice the strategy, over and over, until you finally kill the boss and get the loot.
Now generally a raid has 25 players, and a boss may drop 4 pieces of loot. You can only kill a particular boss once a week. So there are various rules in place on how to fairly distribute the loot, and a lot of it is based on your attendance and how much time and effort you put into the work of the guild. So if your daughter is spending a lot of time and taking on a lot of responsibility, then she really is doing that. She's being prompt, putting her time in, showing good attendance, and carrying out responsibilities so that she can be a leader in the guild and also get good loot. And when she's yelling on the headphones, she's basically "coaching" her part of her team to do what they need to do during the raids to kill the monsters. It's like a coach in baseball yelling directions to the guy running the bases on if they are supposed to stop or keep going to the next base.
Now, I am an engineer, and I am a team lead at work, and I have to give a little bit of credit to the World of Warcraft for helping me build leadership skills and teamwork skills. It really did give me a lot in that regards.
That being said, your daughter is 14. When I played, I was in my 20s, and had already completed a masters degree, was gainfully employed, and owned my own house. And yes, I played 40 hours a week, but I went to work first, and fulfilled all of my real life obligations first. Also, I played with my husband in the same guild, so it also counted as husband and wife quality bonding time. But your daughter is 14, and still in high school, and still has LOTS of other learning experiences and responsibilities that she's going to need to take care of first. While I think guild leadership in WoW is an incredible experience, I'm not sure that 14 years old is the optimal timing for getting that experience.
You're the mom. You call the shots on how you want to do this. But now you have more information on what's going on. Let me know if you have any more questions
As someone who played WoW since it came out, starting in college, here is my 2c:
WoW just had a new expansion, which will unfold on August 30. This is the absolutely most exciting (time consuming) time in the game. If you go in now and tell her she can't play it, she will be irate beyond anything you've ever done to her.
You can still go in and talk to her about your concerns - that she is spending her *entire* free time on the game to the exclusion of everything else she possibly can (the only reason she's doing the chores is to keep the subscription going). You would like to see her doing things outside of the game. Since she is in a guild, she probably has certain time blocks which she must devote to playing in order to stay in the guild, however, it doesn't have to be all consuming of her free time. Work with her to find out what times she can devote to doing things outside of WoW. Either
a) find out the times she is able to be interrupted to go to the mall with you or do other things that you want her to do, and she must agree to do them at this time no questions asks, in order to let her keep playing WoW.
b) agree on time blocks that she must devote to activities outside of WoW, in order for her to continue playing WoW.
As the expansion unfolds and her guild has done all the raids, there will only be repeat raids left, and leveling up multiple characters (doing the same experience over again). I predict this will happen towards January... at this point you can revisit your contract with her and ask that she spend more time doing things outside of WoW.
The idea behind my suggestions is that you are *working with her* to gradually get her re-engaged in the real world. If you just take her toy away (or randomly take her toy away while she is playing), she will resent this and resent not being able to play, and will not enjoy anything you do with her, and will not *want* to re-engage with the real world.
Yes I agree with this tactic. Guilds generally have a schedule. When we played, we were Sunday night through Thursday night, and our report time was no later than 7pm central (officers required to report earlier), and we usually raided until about 11pm. Then on the weekends there was not a set time, but we had certain responsibilities we would have to get done (preparing things for the next week), which would require a certain number of hours. Then of course there was all the statistical analysis.
Find out the schedule, and the other requirements. See if there's a way you can work around the schedule, just as if it were a sports team. If not, then you'll just have to pull the mom card and tell her that she will be able to do things like this again when she is older and can support herself.
I think at 14 she may burn out eventually on it. I'd try to think if things to bargain with and AS ALWAYS my mind goes to horses. Riding lessons? Or tell her she's got to figure out how to fit some kind of physical activity into every day living and you'll leave her alone. It's for her health, physical as well as mental. Sword fighting? Fencing? Maybe something that would tie into the game? I would think she'd appreciate your understanding of what does seem to be an addiction.
My son is really into the Robert Jordan series and, since being here for the past few weeks has gone through the last 6 and has the last one (#14) sitting here ready to read. We don't have gaming available, though he can get online.
She's talking to you about her interest in the game. She makes good grades and does chores to make money to pay for the game. If these things change, you have a reason to address and limit her participation.
It bothers me to see the grands constantly texting, even from one room to the other in the house, but they make good grades and appear to be polite, well adjusted young people. My generation listened to rock and roll and talked incessantly on the landline. My parents did not approve, mostly because I was going through the stage when my peers were more important to me than family.
I think it's part of the process of growing up and away. How you work through it now will have a profound effect on your relationship in the future.
If your child was surly and rude, refused to do chores, failing at school, etc, and expected/demanded that you pay for the game, I would have a different answer
Now that school is starting or has started already please make sure that she is keeping up with her homework and classes.
She is 14, does that mean that she is a freshman in high school? There can be a huge, often difficult transition from middle school to high school for some teens. In general, the work is much harder and the consequences for goofing off are worse (lower grade point, poor preparation or can't get into advanced classes, etc). And, in some schools, the focus on personal responsibility gets much stronger than in middle school. Parents may not be contacted if a HS is having trouble, skipping homework, falling asleep in class as the teachers deal more directly with the students than the parents (probably as a stepping stone to building skills necessary to succeed in college and in adulthood).
If she's addicted to it, it's an opportunity for her to learn a lot about addiction. While she's still young enough to survive it easily. That can be valuable to her later, when she's on her own, and might get addicted to something else.
I would be most concerned about the particular game she is playing (though there ARE worse, WoW is definitely quite an aggressive game and I found most of those who played it are rude, nasty, childish people - with apologies to anyone here who currently plays it). I doubt that is the kind of 'socialization' that is best for your daughter at her age. And I think that kind of game is much more likely to be 'addicting' at her age than some others.
If you can't get her to stop playing a 'game' per se, I wonder if there is any way you could steer her toward Lotro (Lord of the Rings - which you might even be able to sanction particularly if she reads the books! The lore is interesting.) It is a much less aggressive game and most people are a lot more mature. One can belong to a kin and still rarely ever feel obliged to stay in game - raids and other fellowship quests are generally very short in nature. People are a LOT less rude and if they are, they are told to behave quickly by others in the game. She can find 'friends' in that game but I expect it will be fun but not as compelling and the friends will likely be of a 'better quality'. If you can, I might even recommend that you try that game out yourself ... you can lope along for years, it 'can' be played for free, and you and your daughter may actually enjoy some time 'together' (if one can call being on a computer side by side 'togetherness'). Quite a few parents and kids play together and it is a good way to keep tabs on what is going on with her when she is 'gaming'. But if you don't steer her there soon, I doubt you ever will as Lotro's laid back atmosphere will probably not appeal as much to someone very young who is too used to the 'drama' and 'excitement' of WoW unfortunately.
All that said, I agree .. you are the parent .. she is the child. You may need to stand up and be counted here if you feel (and you have the right to judge) how much time can be allotted (and when) to game playing. Period.
As for whether there are girls and women playing .. yes, definitely there are. I am a 66 year old woman ... don't ask me how I know about Lotro (or WoW or EQ).
WoW doesn't worry me. I play WoW and other video games with my 11 year old. However, if I felt she, or my other kids, were missing out on doing other things, I'd limit their gaming time.
Hi, I am a 36 year old mom, and before I had kids, I did what your daughter did.
The best I can explain it is that your daughter is participating in something that is akin to a group sport, just without the exercise. A guild is a team of people who practice together, play together, and work together, to accomplish objectives in the game. A "raid" is like a soccer game or football game. The whole team or "guild" has to report at a certain time, there are leaders of different sections of the guild (guild lead, recruitment lead, raid lead, loot lead, and then there's leads for raiding roles, such as tanks, dps, and healers). Some members of the guild are designated as "officers", and they take on the leadership roles and responsibilities in the guild, and during the raids.
During the raids, the guilds go to dungeons, to defeat a series of monsters and collect the "loot", or rewards, that they drop. Sounds simple. But the harder monsters actually have very difficult strategies required to beat them, strategies which require the different player roles to work together, as each player has different attributes that contribute in different ways. Back in our heyday, we would spend weeks working on the strategy to beat one monster. We would use computer programs to collect statistics on which spells we use were most effective with other spells, and many other similar types of things, and then use mathematical analysis on the statistics to maximize the amount of damage done by combinations of spells in the shortest amount of time while still dodging the attacks of the monster (known as a boss). The whole guild would run different analyses on their particular role, and then the players would work together to build a cohesive strategy. Then you have to practice the strategy, over and over, until you finally kill the boss and get the loot.
Now generally a raid has 25 players, and a boss may drop 4 pieces of loot. You can only kill a particular boss once a week. So there are various rules in place on how to fairly distribute the loot, and a lot of it is based on your attendance and how much time and effort you put into the work of the guild. So if your daughter is spending a lot of time and taking on a lot of responsibility, then she really is doing that. She's being prompt, putting her time in, showing good attendance, and carrying out responsibilities so that she can be a leader in the guild and also get good loot. And when she's yelling on the headphones, she's basically "coaching" her part of her team to do what they need to do during the raids to kill the monsters. It's like a coach in baseball yelling directions to the guy running the bases on if they are supposed to stop or keep going to the next base.
Now, I am an engineer, and I am a team lead at work, and I have to give a little bit of credit to the World of Warcraft for helping me build leadership skills and teamwork skills. It really did give me a lot in that regards.
That being said, your daughter is 14. When I played, I was in my 20s, and had already completed a masters degree, was gainfully employed, and owned my own house. And yes, I played 40 hours a week, but I went to work first, and fulfilled all of my real life obligations first. Also, I played with my husband in the same guild, so it also counted as husband and wife quality bonding time. But your daughter is 14, and still in high school, and still has LOTS of other learning experiences and responsibilities that she's going to need to take care of first. While I think guild leadership in WoW is an incredible experience, I'm not sure that 14 years old is the optimal timing for getting that experience.
You're the mom. You call the shots on how you want to do this. But now you have more information on what's going on. Let me know if you have any more questions
I have not played seriously in a few years. I used to devote many hours to playing. It's just difficult to carve out enough time with kids and grad school. Now that my older kids are in school I may be able to play more. My kids are gamers. They get it from us. I love it. But they also keep up with their responsibilities, and as long as that continues, it's not a problem. I think MMOs and RPGs can be useful and fun learning tools. My older two play some web-based MMOs geared toward preteens that is fun for occasional playing. It doesn't require the time and involvement as the more well-known and "mature" games. I can't wait to play with them more.
I'm with you on guild leadership, or having too much responsibility and involvement, is probably too much to take on for a 14 year old. I know grown adults who treat it as a second job and are really serious about it. But at 14, or even older teen years, I think scaling back is something she should consider. It's a lot to juggle for a teenager who has other things to focus on. By all means, encourage her to play, but a guild is likely too much to take on.
Oh, and For the Horde!!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
