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Maybe the kid who got hit should just hit the other kid back and tell him to knock it off....
I hear that both parents are trying to do the right thing but it sounds like Kid B is not being able to have the chance to defend himself. This could continue into his teenage years with issues of being bullied.
If my kid was acting out and hitting his friend, I would tell the Mom to allow her son to hit my kid back.
Maybe that's not cool today, but years ago, this worked.
When a 6 yr old can't play with toy weapons without taking the battle too far, then the other parent isn't being overprotective by wanting it to stop. She's being proactive in acting before before somebody gets hurt.
I know some parents are like this, they like to protect their kids from every single little hurt, and all hurts have the same level of severity - bad and to be avoided. But I disagree with this.
Kids should get hurt, a little. Kids should skin their knees, bump their heads, run around and wrestle a bit. Kids should get hit over the head by their best friend with foam nun-chucks. Kids should get bug bites and little bruises on their shins from running into something while trying to catch a ball. This is how they learn about their body, how to learn to deal with a little bit of pain, how to learn to take risks and how to gauge danger.
Obviously try and protect them from the bigger hurts yes. Broken bones and concussions and the like are never good. But a 6 year old with foam nun-chucks and a cardboard box? Those don't threshold my "somebody's going to get hurt" meter, not by far.
I know some parents are like this, they like to protect their kids from every single little hurt, and all hurts have the same level of severity - bad and to be avoided. But I disagree with this.
Kids should get hurt, a little. Kids should skin their knees, bump their heads, run around and wrestle a bit. Kids should get hit over the head by their best friend with foam nun-chucks. Kids should get bug bites and little bruises on their shins from running into something while trying to catch a ball. This is how they learn about their body, how to learn to deal with a little bit of pain, how to learn to take risks and how to gauge danger.
Obviously try and protect them from the bigger hurts yes. Broken bones and concussions and the like are never good. But a 6 year old with foam nun-chucks and a cardboard box? Those don't threshold my "somebody's going to get hurt" meter, not by far.
I agree. Especially talking about a 6 year old and this being somewhat typical learning behavior.
I sure hope they will forget each other. If I was sure, I would not do any more playdates even if the other mom asks.
but, kid B is one of the very very few kid A asks for when thinking of playing with someone. He has a couple other kids he is willing to play with but that's it.
As for single children - kid B has a little sister as I have mentioned. So no, I do not get the point
My girlfriend has a son that is 8- all my kids are grown. She is freshly divorced and gives her only child a lot to do- like play dates with another 8 year old. The two of them generate hell on earth...if it were my son - there are some kids I would not let them associate with. YES young boys are all nuts....some are simply bad.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pkbab5
I know some parents are like this, they like to protect their kids from every single little hurt, and all hurts have the same level of severity - bad and to be avoided. But I disagree with this.
Kids should get hurt, a little. Kids should skin their knees, bump their heads, run around and wrestle a bit. Kids should get hit over the head by their best friend with foam nun-chucks. Kids should get bug bites and little bruises on their shins from running into something while trying to catch a ball. This is how they learn about their body, how to learn to deal with a little bit of pain, how to learn to take risks and how to gauge danger.
Obviously try and protect them from the bigger hurts yes. Broken bones and concussions and the like are never good. But a 6 year old with foam nun-chucks and a cardboard box? Those don't threshold my "somebody's going to get hurt" meter, not by far.
Well said.
I also don't understand not empowering your child to defend/speak up for himself. This is such an important life skill. I think dads (are they in the picture here?) are great for teaching that.
When one of my sons was 6, the next door neighbor's 7 year old used to climb on my fence on taunt my 6 year old. I tried everything (telling the kid to go, telling the neighbor, etc). I talked to my son and asked him if he had any idea. BTW, I was not going to allow this to happen.
My son came up with a plan, definitely not what I would've done, but I told him to go for it and it worked. My son became somewhat of a neighborhood hero after that. It was awesome!
I know some parents are like this, they like to protect their kids from every single little hurt, and all hurts have the same level of severity - bad and to be avoided. But I disagree with this.
Kids should get hurt, a little. Kids should skin their knees, bump their heads, run around and wrestle a bit. Kids should get hit over the head by their best friend with foam nun-chucks. Kids should get bug bites and little bruises on their shins from running into something while trying to catch a ball. This is how they learn about their body, how to learn to deal with a little bit of pain, how to learn to take risks and how to gauge danger.
Obviously try and protect them from the bigger hurts yes. Broken bones and concussions and the like are never good. But a 6 year old with foam nun-chucks and a cardboard box? Those don't threshold my "somebody's going to get hurt" meter, not by far.
I have no plastic swords, but stand still while I whack you with a whiffle ball bat, then let me know if you think a 6 yr old learns anything from the experience, except that it hurts. There are the normal bumps and bruises from active play, and then there are the completely avoidable ones.
The OP's son didn't hit once, he hit three times, and the last time wasn't during play, it was in anger, directed towards a younger child. Boy B didn't hit back, he told an adult he trusted to put a stop to it. I can imagine the responses if Mom B had written from the point of view of her son, she'd be told she has every right to put a stop to it. Because, she does, and I would too.
We are talking about playdates here, not life lessons. When the play is not fun for one or more of the kids, what's the point?
Life lessons are what happens when you are living..even just playing. If the kid doesn't want to play with the other kid, so be it. I would support my kid's decision. but it really sounds like helicopter parenting to me.
Life lessons are what happens when you are living..even just playing. If the kid doesn't want to play with the other kid, so be it. I would support my kid's decision. but it really sounds like helicopter parenting to me.
I agree. Some kids like to fight swords and don't mind being hit. Some kids enjoy wrestling hard. Others don't. Many boys would not mind getting the snot beat out of them in plastic sword or foam numchuck fight and would honestly think it was the best day of their life. I've seen this in action many times. The trick is that this type of play should only be OK if both people like it and there is a low liklihood of serious injury.
I don't think any of the what happened was awful, even the throwing the box - it takes some kids a while to learn to manage their emotions. For that one, I would probably have done a time out or left for the day, but it really was minor, in my opinion.
All of it sounds what I call typical boy behavior for that age that is not OK. I agree it is a teaching moment for both boys. Boy B - if you don't want to play with someone because they are playing too rough, then don't play with them. Boy A - different kids like different styles of play and if you play too rough for another kid then they won't play with you.
But the best lessons come from kids teaching kids. I wrote earlier about my son being rough and having a hard time understanding which boys liked to be rough and which don't. One day a group of kids sent him home because he was being too rough. He was about 9 years old at the time. No parent was involved, it was the kids decision. Guess what, the problem that I had been stressing about for years and trying to coach my kid on for years, ended that day. For good. Never had another issue.
I have no plastic swords, but stand still while I whack you with a whiffle ball bat, then let me know if you think a 6 yr old learns anything from the experience, except that it hurts. There are the normal bumps and bruises from active play, and then there are the completely avoidable ones.
Lol, that's the point. The 6 year old who stood still and got whacked with a whiffle bat learns that it hurts, and can be avoided, by dodging the whiffle bat.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie
The OP's son didn't hit once, he hit three times, and the last time wasn't during play, it was in anger, directed towards a younger child. Boy B didn't hit back, he told an adult he trusted to put a stop to it. I can imagine the responses if Mom B had written from the point of view of her son, she'd be told she has every right to put a stop to it. Because, she does, and I would too.
Yes, she has a right to stop it. If I were mom B, I would have told kid A "Hey no throwing things. If you throw things again, you will go to time out. Tell younger child you are sorry and give her a hug".
I would not, however, silently fume and then tell mom A "my child can't play with your child anymore". That is a waaaaay overboard reaction. That is a drama llama reaction. And teaches your kid that anything you don't like mommy dearest will swoop in and make it go away.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie
We are talking about playdates here, not life lessons. When the play is not fun for one or more of the kids, what's the point?
I don't understand. Why is this not supposed to be a life lesson? This is the exact perfect example of a life lesson. This is what a life lesson is supposed to be. That's like taking an Algebra book and saying "we're not talking about a math book here!" Well, yes we are. That's a math book. And how your 6 year old kid learns to deal with other kids in a playgroup is most definitely a life lesson. Heck, that's pretty much the only reason I sent my daughter to Kindergarten at all, was to learn how to deal with other kids. She already knew all the academic content.
Yes, kid B has a problem with speaking out for himself, his mom told me so herself! In fact I saw him being hit with nunchucks before by my kid, but he didn't react, just brushed it off so I didn't say anything! I thought it was part of their play - Just told my son to be careful and not to hit too hard. Turns out he was tolerating it and then just told his mom.
But parenting of family B is not my territory, I don't want to go there.
Also, kid B was afraid to tell mom about the hitting as he thought (and rightfully so, it turns out) that they won't be allowed to be friends anymore! Also, kid B is probably missing his friend now (as I said they played very well for the most part, lots of imaginative play). It is the mom who feels the need to protect. I feel sorry for kid B, but again, this is none of my business.
As for the younger child. He knows not to hit. He was irritated by her many times but could always keep his cool. I think it was a combination of being tired, hungry, and having to control himself very hard to not hit the friend. I am not happy with what he did but we all make mistakes.
It is good for them to cool down and maybe not spend as much time together (we went on 3 mini vacations together within a couple months), and it will be a good lesson for my son. But, I don't think he deserves being demonized. But I repeat myself
Thank you once again for all your thoughts and input.
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