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Old 08-31-2016, 10:27 AM
 
Location: Chicago
6,160 posts, read 5,653,594 times
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How old were you when you had the desire to have a child? Did you have the desire before? Did the desire change as you got older?

I'm almost 30 (I'm a guy) and have 0 desire to have kids. I've gotten used to my life. I like coming home to a quiet place, being able to watch crude movies, travelling the world, and being a cheapskate. I guess it's nice being able to plan my life around my own wishes.

I was on the fence about having kids when I was in my early 20s, but the older I get, the less desire I have. My parents kept telling me that I would want kids, but that day hasn't happened yet. They stopped bothering me about a year ago.

My mom was 25 when she had me. I'm almost 30 and I still can't imagine having kids based solely on finances. The thought of someone having a child at age 25 really scares me. No way was I ready for that at 25. I don't ever think I'll be ready for that kind of responsibility (or some might say headache).
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Old 08-31-2016, 11:17 AM
 
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I've always wanted to be a mom, I've known that from the get-go.

My husband, his desire kicked in at age 37. We got married when he was 30 and spent 7 years doing what we wanted and needed to do for ourselves. Then at 37 he finally said he was ready. So we had our first when he was 38 (I was 29), and our second when he was 40 (I was 31). We're happy now with how things turned out.

Had he decided that he really didn't want kids, then I would have had to go elsewhere, for myself. As much as I love him, I needed to have kids. Luckily for me, I didn't have to make that call.
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Old 08-31-2016, 12:05 PM
 
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Since I was 3 years old.

My husband had a vague sense he wanted a family but didn't *really* want kids until the day his first son was born.
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Old 08-31-2016, 12:13 PM
 
Location: Glasgow Scotland
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Although I liked children I never felt any desire to have them.. Id seen how lots of kids caused poverty when I was young and it put me right off... also women or most young women seemed to let themselves go after having children and I never ever wanted that either.... but I did have children in my early twenties, far too young in my opinion and too fast... I was young for my age and wanted to do so many things , No one should push anyone into having kids.. its not fair and not right.. Everyone has their own views about wanting or needing a family.. but Ive never had the thing they call broody in my life...
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Old 08-31-2016, 12:35 PM
 
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I did not have a desire to have children until I actually had my son (unplanned). I was almost 28 at the time.

I too loved my life before and didnt care to have kids. As a woman, I had to give up more (drinking for 2 years - pregnancy and breastfeeding), sleepless nights for breastfeeding. I sort of forgot what my life was BC (before child) - aside from the travel and bar hopping, I think it was pretty boring and at times depressing actually. Starting around 18 months, we started travelling with our little guy and take about 4 trips a year - international and local. In the beginning (around age 2) it was a little difficult with the naptimes still and tantrums but now its awesome. I too am cheap, was and still am haha.

Not trying to convince you to have a kid - you are still quite young for a guy to have to decide but think about when you're older if you'll be fine being alone.
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Old 08-31-2016, 01:40 PM
 
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25 yr olds were more mature 50 years ago. Most had been on their own, working for years, or in college and then working. They were ready for family commitment.

Today, with the drinking/binging/party lifestyle that has become the norm, 25 yr olds are more like 15 yr olds were 50 years ago.

Add in the kids stink, marriage is terrible, career is the best choice mindset, most in their 20s think having a family is the most horrible worst choice to make. It's unfortunate. Usually when these people are in their late 30s, they are scrambling to get married and have kids before it is too late. I know too many women who went this route and are dealing with fertility issues trying to get pregnant. It's sad really, that having a family has become discouraged and is portrayed as a horrible way to live.
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Old 08-31-2016, 01:44 PM
 
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I didn't want kids from age 0-33. Most of the driving force was financial reasons. At age 33, we had an unplanned child. I've since changed my feelings after discovering it's nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be. I even have a step child, and we are planning on another.


if you don't want kids, don't have kids. But from someone who was VERY against having children, there can be experiences that change your POV.
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Old 08-31-2016, 01:49 PM
 
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Always wanted them in the future. As of really wanting one and wanting to try for it, 25. Married, great jobs and owned a house so I was ready. Had first at 28 since it took a while to get and stay pregnant.

You can still travel the world, be a cheapskate and watch crude movies with kids...we do! You just leave the kids with your parents to travel until they're older and watch the movies after they go to bed. Not hard when they're little and go to bed at 730.
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Old 08-31-2016, 02:10 PM
 
537 posts, read 593,681 times
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I always had 0 desire to have kids. But then my wife and I had one on accident. I definitely don't regret being a parent and they don't affect your life as much as most parents who complain about it. But I've always been kind of a homebody and don't like leaving the house, so kids will probably cramp the lifestyle more of someone who likes to travel all the time.

Once kids are about 6-8 they become much lower maintenance and you get pretty much all your free time back. Really depends on your parenting style on this one though - some parents like to sign their kids up for a million activities and be heavily involved in all of them - I'm not that way and don't agree with overscheduling my kids.

A lot of men don't really want kids and just end up having them to make their wives happy - us men don't have the kind of biological desire to have children like women do. I will say that my wife is much happier after she became a mom, and to be honest so am I.

We were financially ready to have kids when we did. Contrary to the "there's never a bad time to have kids" mantra, raising kids in a financially stressful environment rarely turns out well - seen a lot of divorces and screwed up kids come from those situations. Definitely wait to have kids until you reach a point where you have so much extra income that you don't know what to do with it all, or can at least comfortably scale back your lifestyle.

Having kids is not a requirement to having a happy and fulfilling life, either. Neither is marriage or a relationship for that matter.

But yes, having a child was not nearly as bad or difficult as my friends and family made it out to be. Most people have a bad tendency to make their life seem harder than it really is - never understood why.

Last edited by BongoBungo; 08-31-2016 at 02:19 PM..
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Old 08-31-2016, 02:19 PM
 
Location: Chicago
6,160 posts, read 5,653,594 times
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Here's one thing I've been doing. Every time I do something, whether it's going to the store, going out to eat, shopping, I always imagine what it would be like having kids right that second. I have yet to find a situation where having kids would make it more enjoyable of an experience. Although it does seem easier to meet people when both people have kids.

When I see parents yelling at a kid in the parking lot, struggling with a car seat, driving a minivan or SUV, and complaining about waking up at 5AM, I have less and less of a desire to have children. Then I imagine how much of a holy terror my brother was and how much of a pain in the butt I was (and some might argue still am).

Kids over the age of 7 don't bother me as they are cleaner and require less assistance. I think if I changed my mind on having kids, adopting an older child would be the best option.
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