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All missing the point. Telling a child their genitals are 'dirty' doesn't cause OCD.. Never said that it did. However, telling a child with OCD that their genitals are dirty could, and I believe in this case did, have a far greater impact on that child than one who does not have OCD. Even a passing comment could trigger that memory and compulsion. Something that you or I wouldn't even remember or register.
At some point, the child got it into their head that their genitals were dirty. The OCD took that and ran with it to the point where they won't even allow a doctor to examine them.
Nope, never told her that. I don't think genitals are dirty. My husband doesn't either. Nobody in the house ever told her something like that. She never had a sitter who could have told her something like that. The only time I really remember discussing genitals with her was when she was two and she wanted to know the name of all of her parts, external and internal, from head to toe. And after that she's always used the correct terms for all parts of the body. She's not squeamish about discussing any body part, she just doesn't want a doctor to look at them.
She gets intrusive thoughts too, things that I know no one has ever told her. I wish that she only had OCD thoughts about things that had been told to her, that would mean she wasn't having to deal with most of the disturbing things that she thinks about.
All missing the point. Telling a child their genitals are 'dirty' doesn't cause OCD.. Never said that it did. However, telling a child with OCD that their genitals are dirty could, and I believe in this case did, have a far greater impact on that child than one who does not have OCD. Even a passing comment could trigger that memory and compulsion. Something that you or I wouldn't even remember or register.
At some point, the child got it into their head that their genitals were dirty. The OCD took that and ran with it to the point where they won't even allow a doctor to examine them.
Mom has already replied, but I'm going to post this anyway. You have no evidence that ANYONE ever told this child her genitals were dirty. None whatsoever. OCD is a disease. The child is 10 years old. She's old enough to have heard stuff like this at school. She could have read something about it. Are you a psychiatrist? Have you talked with this child? Do you have some first-hand knowledge of this having happened? If not, just shut up about it.
Nope, never told her that. I don't think genitals are dirty. My husband doesn't either. Nobody in the house ever told her something like that. She never had a sitter who could have told her something like that. The only time I really remember discussing genitals with her was when she was two and she wanted to know the name of all of her parts, external and internal, from head to toe. And after that she's always used the correct terms for all parts of the body. She's not squeamish about discussing any body part, she just doesn't want a doctor to look at them.
She gets intrusive thoughts too, things that I know no one has ever told her. I wish that she only had OCD thoughts about things that had been told to her, that would mean she wasn't having to deal with most of the disturbing things that she thinks about.
Could come from anywhere. Seeing something on TV.. Kids at school.. Lord knows. But I fully believe that SOMEWHERE.. Somehow, that seed was planted. Do I believe that in most cases, it comes from a parent? Yes. Do I accept what you're saying that it didn't come from you? Yes. Does it matter? No. What does matter is that the problem exists.
At some point, this specific problem is going to have to be addressed. Hopefully you're right in that she's developing trust with the current doctor and that will be that. Then.. What happens when she moves? Or that doctor retires?
I don't envy you.. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Do the best you can.. Right now.. Less of a problem, but as she ages.. Is it best to be proactive and deal with it and handle the consequences now.. Or lay back and hope the problem resolves itself? Obviously.. That's the decision you're making.
She will, sooner than you'd like most likely, be at an age where these exams are really necessary. It seems like it'd be an even bigger mess to deal with it at that time.. or worse.. When it's no longer a decision you have any input into.
I've had my nuts grabbed by my doctor since I was 12 or so (or maybe earlier, I don't remember). He is checking for a hernia and making sure there aren't tumors. Would you rather have a disease like testicular cancer go undetected?
This attitude seems very concerning and parents allowing and/or encouraging the attitude of extreme modesty (Don't know what else to call it) when doctors are involved is troubling.
I get the whole "Don't allow anyone to touch you there", but we're talking doctors. Children need to be taught pretty much complete trust in their doctor.
Agreed. Some of the things I've read here just make no sense to me. It's your doctor. Your doctor's job is to examine your body to make sure there are no problems and everything is working as it should. End of story.
Too often I think we help kids create hang-ups about their bodies. Our daughter, age 5, parades around the house naked without a thought, asks us candid questions about our body parts and hers, whatever pops into her head. It's not weird for her to ask because we've never made it weird.
The only thing we've ever told her is that her body is her own, that no one can touch her without her permission, and that the only ones allowed to look at her "private parts" are her parents *and her doctor*.
Anyway, her well-child visits are a breeze. She gets naked on the pediatrician's table, gets a full exam from head to toe, and doesn't make the slightest fuss about it. Probably because we don't either.
No. You may think you have OCD, you may even have it. But parents don't give their kids OCD by saying "the wrong thing" to their kids. No one is talking about doing a "genital" exam by force. On a boy, of course, the genitals are sticking out there. You just have to ask them to take their boxers/pants down. It's a little different with a girl. To imply that this mom told the child her genitals are dirty, and that's why the child has OCD is offensive, big time!
Did you read any of what I said? I never said that saying things to kids would give them OCD. Give me a break. I said it could make it worse. The mother was talking about holding her down while the doctor spread the girls legs. That is forced.
I agree that the exam probably made things worse. I should have stood up to the doctor and refused that part of the exam. My daughter was acting very shy and scared, refusing to take off her shirt and crying when the doctor lifted it up, and it was a doctor we'd never seen before. That doctor was treating us like we were guilty or hiding something. I was afraid that she would report us to CPS for abuse if she didn't get to do the full examination that she wanted to do. I didn't even know how thorough she was planning to be...the male pediatrician that we'd been going to since my daughter was born would pull down the top of the underwear and check along the top of the groin for hernias (girls get those too, my older daughter had to have them repaired as an infant). So I thought that's what was going to happen to my daughter, and instead the doctor pulled her labia apart and shined a light inside, while my daughter fought and cried. It really did feel like a violation.
It's actually easier now that we have the OCD diagnosis, because she can refuse parts of a physical exam that she's really uncomfortable with, and they don't automatically suspect abuse. We avoided checkups for a few years because I couldn't promise that wouldn't happen again.
You are the client, it is up to you what happens during a doctors visit. If you don't want your ears checked that's up to you. They aren't going to report you to CPS for abuse if you refuse parts of exams.
The key to managing my OCD has been exposure and response prevention. It is pretty much the reason that I am able to leave the house. Meds helped a little but never enough. You are absolutely doing the right thing by respecting her wishes. It is her body and she is incharge of it. Instill confidence into her. However, avoiding exams alltogether will only make the situation worse. That is how you have to conquer it. She has to face her fears. Expose herself to situations that make her uncomfortable and help her work through them. Good luck, I hope she gets better.
Agreed. Some of the things I've read here just make no sense to me. It's your doctor. Your doctor's job is to examine your body to make sure there are no problems and everything is working as it should. End of story.
Too often I think we help kids create hang-ups about their bodies. Our daughter, age 5, parades around the house naked without a thought, asks us candid questions about our body parts and hers, whatever pops into her head. It's not weird for her to ask because we've never made it weird.
The only thing we've ever told her is that her body is her own, that no one can touch her without her permission, and that the only ones allowed to look at her "private parts" are her parents *and her doctor*.
Anyway, her well-child visits are a breeze. She gets naked on the pediatrician's table, gets a full exam from head to toe, and doesn't make the slightest fuss about it. Probably because we don't either.
Oh, these perfect parents that we meet on this forum. How do you stand the rest of us?
Naked? At 5? That sounds very odd, and I worked in a pediatric office for the past 11 years, plus for a few years earlier.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Iaskwhy
Did you read any of what I said? I never said that saying things to kids would give them OCD. Give me a break. I said it could make it worse. The mother was talking about holding her down while the doctor spread the girls legs. That is forced.
The words "spread the girls legs" were used by no one but you.
If you read her follow up statement you will realize that I am completely correct. She probably made her childs OCD far worse. I say this as someone with OCD.
The risk of traumatizing a child or seriously messing them up mentally is far greater by forcing them to have a genital exam than the risk of a genital problem actually being found during a forced random genital exam.
The way the child views a forced exam may not be any different than how a child would view being sexually assaulted or molested.
Wrong. I'm not sure why you think you are qualified to comment on the Mom or her daughter's OCD. Anyone with a medical or psychiatric degree wouldn't dream of being that arrogant, and you aren't at that level.
I was impressed with her daughter's "no means no" speech especially at her age. I don't agree with the daughter's decision, but I would respect that if it came from my child.
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The key to managing my OCD has been exposure and response prevention. It is pretty much the reason that I am able to leave the house. Meds helped a little but never enough. You are absolutely doing the right thing by respecting her wishes. It is her body and she is incharge of it. Instill confidence into her. However, avoiding exams alltogether will only make the situation worse. That is how you have to conquer it. She has to face her fears. Expose herself to situations that make her uncomfortable and help her work through them. Good luck, I hope she gets better.
Are you a parent?
Are you the same person with the OCD about women going to male ob/gyn in the Health forum?
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