20 year old not taking responsibility (ideas, parents, son, 5 years old)
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My 20 year old son just dropped out of uni and says he wants to work. He says no one wants to employ him. He says he applies for jobs online. And waits at home. I've encouraged him approaching employers so as to show some initiative but it seems he's waiting to be approached by an employer magically.
Yesterday he went camping for a couple of days. I know, it just hapened out the blue. Problem was, he left the front door of the house completely opened! I'm thinking his lack of initiative and no taking responsibility may be because he has not faced many consequences for his behaviour, which I may be partly to be blamed. For this reason I'm thinking there needs to be a consequence as a result of him not closing the door, taking into account he's not a kid anymore. I'm not doing his laundry, cleanning his bedroom or giving him any money. He cooks once a week and has the task of taking the rubish out once a week (he forgets doing it most of the time and if I don't remind him it doesn't get done). Any suggestions?
He is given money, a free house, free food and cooking, free laundry, and on and on. Appears he can drop all of it without a worry and go off on vacation (camping). He is being totally enabled to be a free loader.
Suggest you give him a time limit to find and keep a job or get out.
Ideas: He can mow lawns, pet sit, do heavy yard work, stock clerk?,..... Cannot make specific recommendations without knowing where you live. I know high school kids working as stock clerks to make extra money. How about Walmart? No one said it would be easy.
He sounds like a 20 year old who is struggling finding his place. Forgetting the door, etc, is pretty 20 year oldish behavior. Not looking for work, dropping out of Uni...is there depression? Self esteem issues? Try being less judgmental and connect with him and see if you can find the "why".
Sit him down and tell him he has 6 months. At 6 months and one day he and his stuff are gone. During that 6 months work with him to find employment, career goals, life skills, and how to budget.
and here is the most important part, at 6 months and one day, actually kick his butt out.
My 20 year old son just dropped out of uni and says he wants to work. He says no one wants to employ him. He says he applies for jobs online. And waits at home. I've encouraged him approaching employers so as to show some initiative but it seems he's waiting to be approached by an employer magically.
Yesterday he went camping for a couple of days. I know, it just hapened out the blue. Problem was, he left the front door of the house completely opened! I'm thinking his lack of initiative and no taking responsibility may be because he has not faced many consequences for his behaviour, which I may be partly to be blamed. For this reason I'm thinking there needs to be a consequence as a result of him not closing the door, taking into account he's not a kid anymore. I'm not doing his laundry, cleanning his bedroom or giving him any money. He cooks once a week and has the task of taking the rubish out once a week (he forgets doing it most of the time and if I don't remind him it doesn't get done). Any suggestions?
Actually, you are entirely to be blamed. You have enabled him, and he has no reason to do anything. Stop doing it and he will be forced to get a job.
I can sense you are guiding him to making better choices. Encouragement and yes sometimes letting them fall a few times will leave its effect.
He seems to have made a decision, followed it with action ( dropped out). Sounds like he was responsible in that way. He is also sorting out which direction to pursue. Sit and openly discussion a 6 month plan of action.
As for the Household ....each adult contributes...Have him write out what he is accountable to assist with. Give him goals...and leave out the chastising...I was never motivated thru indignation....
Start charging him rent. Welcome to the real world
I agree with this. Even though I was always a responsible and hard-working kid/young adult, my parents still charged me rent starting at around 19 yrs old. At the time I worked M-F 9am-4pm and attended college full time in the evenings and weekends (I had a scholarships so I didnt have to pay for school for the most part). They felt since I was getting an income, I should be contributing to the household. Even though it was a small amount, I didnt like it and was a bit resentful especially since none of my other friends were being charged rent by their parents (it was embarrassing to me..). But I can understand it now and know that it helped me with money management, responsibility, etc.
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