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If I could change one thing about how I was raised, what would it be?
There was a lot of good. My parents were responsible and generous. Although they did not spoil us. They were very supportive of our talents and interests. We lived in a nice house in a beautiful historic community. We traveled a lot. Friends were always welcome in my home, and because we had an inground pool, and my parents were not terribly intrusive and were friendly to our guests, our home was the neighborhood hang out.
What would I change? My parents were not very emotionally receptive and were not fond of giving verbal compliments. They said "we are just not that way".
Also, they did not want to hear about "our problems". If it required listening, they tuned us out. Or told us we were being dramatic, They never wanted to talk about feelings.
They were also very "into themselves" - their appearances were so important. They were attractive people. But it seemed that they required validation from each other, and from their children.
I think they had some narcissistic features.
I have taken what was good about my childhood and built upon it.
All in all, I was happy growing up. I loved the era - 60s 70s early 80s. We had so much fun!
But my parents could be "high maintenance".
Good points, Sheena. In my case there was also a lot of good. The emotional damage was hurtful and took years to undo--maybe it will never be undone--but it wasn't put on us maliciously. My parents truly didn't know any better themselves. My dad was a WWII veteran who lost both feet. There was no seeking help for the emotional damage caused by war back then. They came home, they'd survived, now go build houses and buy TVs and cars and don't talk about that nasty war anymore. But he could be very far away at times, as if he wasn't present in the room, and now, of course, it would be called PTSD. My mother had a verbally abusive father who thought women were of less value, and she had a mentally and physically handicapped sister at a time when there were no accommodations in schools for such children. Her illness sapped the family financially and emotionally, my mother, who had loved school, was forced to quit to get a job and help out, and if my mother wasn't happy about something, she was told, "Would you want to be like your sister? Stop complaining."
So these two emotionally damaged people got together and had seven kids. We were doomed, lol. But my father had a disabled vet's pension and a decent engineering job, and we had a nice enough house, and a vacation to the country every year, and the basic things we needed, and we lived somewhere safe and pleasant. Not everyone had those basic things.
People are the sum of their experiences both good and bad. So if you are content with who you are, then acknowledge that the good and bad "parenting" contributed in equal measure to that. Be grateful for the good, forgive (not necessarily forget) the bad, and give yourself room to make mistakes as a parent too.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,742,544 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by Comedyshortsgamer
Saw this on another forum and thought it would be an interesting question to start here.
I would have had a father that actually gave a .
Or I would have rather been in a blue-collar or middle-class school system rather than being a working class kid in an upper middle class school system.
We were extremely bored growing up because we had no money to go out and do things. I think I had been to the movies maybe 3 times before I turned 18 - and we lived just one block away from a movie theater! We were broke, that's for sure.
Or I would have rather been in a blue-collar or middle-class school system rather than being a working class kid in an upper middle class school system.
Same here. We were blue collar going to an upper middle class/wealthy school in a wealthy district. There were some people there who didn't want us to be there. They wished we would leave. Snobbery at it's finest.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,742,544 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by tassity22
Same here. We were blue collar going to an upper middle class/wealthy school in a wealthy district. There were some people there who didn't want us to be there. They wished we would leave. Snobbery at it's finest.
Plenty of people thought I had no business in my upper class district either. Hint: it was over something I had no control over.
Plenty of people thought I had no business in my upper class district either. Hint: it was over something I had no control over.
Yes, I think a lot of kids don't fully understand that other kids have no control over where their parents put them. But my feeling was, my parents pay taxes to live where we did, so we had every right to be attending that public school.
For the most part, my parents did a good job of raising us, considering how they were raised and what they went through before they had us.
My father was a high-functioning alcoholic who got drunk every single day. Despite that, he managed to get up and go to work and always provided for us. We weren't rich, but we never did without. He was never abusive, but pretty much passed out drunk every night. I would change that, because I wish we could have had a closer relationship. Still, when he was sober, he was kind and I knew he loved us.
My mother and I were close but she suffered from anxiety and depression that could make her and the rest of pretty miserable at times.
I do wish that I had been more closely supervised as a teenager. I don't think I would have rebelled against it and it would have saved me a lot of heartache.
I wish my mom wouldn't of told me whatever choice I made she trusted was the best one. Now I was a great kid and did very well but when it came to college I wish she would of told me that fluff majors were dumb so I didn't have to go back to college. However I grew up in a family where education was not the end all, be all.
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