Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Yes. Been through so much together. Marriage is hard enough with kids let alone having difficult inlaws to deal with amnd health issues. It really had to get rock bottom before it could get better.
I can't believe you even have to ask this question! Having a child pretty much ended my relationship with my husband. We're trying to hold on, but it's so hard when someone else always comes first and needs so much.
Of course! It's no longer about you the couple. It's all about the kids now. They're expensive and time consuming. That takes a toll. Many people aren't prepared for the amount of time they take.
As a parent of two and a wife of 13.5 years, I can say yes, they can be. That is why you have to make sure that you put your relationship with your spouse as much of a priority as your relationship with your kids. For us, that means "date nights", going away on our anniversary, visiting with each other nightly once the kids go to bed..even if it's just an hour or two, spending extended time with each other on weekends (again once while the kids are sleeping), doing activities as a couple weekly. We are blessed in that the grandparents give us a "couple day" (usually Friday) and watch the kids. At the same time, we are "all in" with the kids. We help with the homework. We spend time as a family. Saturdays and Sundays are family days.
I think the reason why our marriage remains intact and we're still connected with each other is due to the balance that we have. We don't neglect each other or the kids. Having children is a "sacrifice", yes, but one doesn't need to be a martyr. Your spouse and your kids need you. Your kids need happy, content parents. If the balance skews too much towards children, then what will happen when the children are gone and establishing their own lives? You'll look at your spouse and wonder "who are you?"
Also, I don't believe in shotgun marriages. The first few years of being a couple, IMHO, are crucial. You have to have a foundation because once kids arrives, things will be turned topsy turvy. Can you imagine finding out about each other while simultaneously dealing with children and all of their related trials and tribulations, lol? I know that there are successful "shotgun marriages" but I feel that starting right off the bat with a child just makes things more difficult.
I think the reason why our marriage remains intact and we're still connected with each other is due to the balance that we have. We don't neglect each other or the kids. Having children is a "sacrifice", yes, but one doesn't need to be a martyr. Your spouse and your kids need you. Your kids need happy, content parents. If the balance skews too much towards children, then what will happen when the children are gone and establishing their own lives? You'll look at your spouse and wonder "who are you?"
Pretty much this. One of the most sure ways to mess everything up is to make your household "child-centered".
If the marriage is weak it is sure to fail with Kids. Kids put lots of stress on a couple. Especially if you don't speak in one voice to the children. They will find the weak parent and get what they want.
^^All of this. Your relationship needs tending; as easy as it is to back-burner each other, you have to work that much harder to keep those home fires burning, especially if you don't have much family around to help out now and then.
And just as couples often underestimate just how much a baby with cut into their alone time, it's also folly to tell yourselves that it will get easier as they get older. The truth is, every age brings a new set of challenges, like when they are older and no longer sound asleep by 8:30, or might come home at any given moment with a friend or two in tow. Hell, they manage to interrupt even when they're not home, such as what happened to us the other day: it was my husband's birthday, so our friends decided to kidnap our children so we could "Either go out to dinner alone, or hump like rabbits in an empty house and eat PB&J for dinner." We ambitiously decided to make both happen... but before we moved on to the go-out-to-dinner part, *ahem*, one of the kids called to ask a couple of ridiculous questions, and then a bunch of their friends started knocking on the door, and then another kid starts texting, and then our upstairs neighbors came home (the stairs well is a bit echo-y). Good thing we're focused and determined.
How old are the kids? I found the first 3 years difficult after that it started being fun. My son started my interest in soccer and I love watching him play and watching professional soccer with him, it's a great bonding experience for the whole family throughout the year.
I was wondering. I'm finding that, as a parent, my marriage with my spouse is suffering a bit. It's hard with the amount of time that kids take up, etc.
Before I become a mother, I read that if a marriage is strong and built on a solid foundation, having children will help make it stronger however if the marriage is already on shaky ground, children will highlight that. Personally I love being a mom.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
