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It seems completely asinine and materialistic. The siblings get gifts on their own birthdays, don't they?
Why not teach children to be happy for their little/big brother/sister?
I think it's fine and we did it when my children were little. My girls are 27 months apart, so when my youngest turned one we gave our 3yr old something VERY small. My mother (grandma) would give a gift to the sibling as well, but again it was VERY small. They understood it was their sisters day, but the gift was to not make the other feel left out. We have since stopped this, I think when my youngest turned 7. At that point we explained to the girls that only the birthday girl gets a gift and they understood. It's hard when they are very young to see a sibling getting gifts and they just watch. I don't think a small gift hurts or diminishes the other child's birthday in any way.
My dad used to give my mother a gift on each of our birthdays (3 kids) but no, siblings got nothing for a birthday which was not theirs. I used to love his tradition - and I think it is an excellent idea because the child doesn't remember their actual day of birth but the mother surely does. Maybe you could get your MIL to go along with that one if she is in an excessive gift giving mood - send YOU a gift (because you gave her a grandchild on that day) instead of sending sibling gifts.
I have four nieces (two to each sibling) and now they are in their thirties and have their own children. I lived hundreds of miles away, so I rarely saw them on their birthdays. I always sent wrapped gifts (children love to get mail). I would send one sizable gift to the birthday child (usually something her mother suggested) and one smaller gift. The sibling also received a gift — something similar to the smaller one. Nothing fancy, a book, a CD, hair decorations, a piece of kid-style jewelry, etc. The birthday child's giftswere accompanied by a birthday card; the sibling's gift would have a tag saying something like, "For Heather, Have Fun on Katie's Birthday."
As my nieces grew up, each one of them commented to me at one time or another how much they had appreciated this as kids. One of them said to me, "I knew I wasn't supposed to get jealous of my sister on her birthday but it helped me cope with the lack of attention that I also had a gift to open."
I also take a small gift for any sibling when I deliver a baby gift to a family with a newborn. Nothing big, just a gift they can open that's their own. The last one I gave was a pair of Batman sunglasses to a four-year-old who had a new brother this summer. He was so thrilled with those glasses it was comical and his parents were grateful he got attention, too.
I have four nieces (two to each sibling) and now they are in their thirties and have their own children. I lived hundreds of miles away, so I rarely saw them on their birthdays. I always sent wrapped gifts (children love to get mail). I would send one sizable gift to the birthday child (usually something her mother suggested) and one smaller gift. The sibling also received a gift — something similar to the smaller one. Nothing fancy, a book, a CD, hair decorations, a piece of kid-style jewelry, etc. The birthday child's giftswere accompanied by a birthday card; the sibling's gift would have a tag saying something like, "For Heather, Have Fun on Katie's Birthday."
As my nieces grew up, each one of them commented to me at one time or another how much they had appreciated this as kids. One of them said to me, "I knew I wasn't supposed to get jealous of my sister on her birthday but it helped me cope with the lack of attention that I also had a gift to open."
I also take a small gift for any sibling when I deliver a baby gift to a family with a newborn. Nothing big, just a gift they can open that's their own. The last one I gave was a pair of Batman sunglasses to a four-year-old who had a new brother this summer. He was so thrilled with those glasses it was comical and his parents were grateful he got attention, too.
I have a similar experience.
When wife and I started having kids, my elderly aunt would send a $15 check to the child whose birthday it was and a $3 check each to the other two kids. She was always thinking about my kids (her great nephews). When she knew her "time" was approaching rapidly, she asked one or her sons (my cousin) to make sure the birthday card she bought prior to her hospitalization with the $15. check would be mailed out at the appropriate time. My son received her card and check (I could tell by the handwriting) a few weeks after her passing. While it was a little spooky, it showed her love even from beyond her passing. We will never forget her thoughtfulness. Our sons have such tender memories of her.
Jukesgrrl, its nice to see someone do for their nieces what my incredible aunt did for my sons.
OP - your MIL seems to be from the same mold. Cherish her thoughtfulness and be gracious at the same time.
If a child needs a present to "cope with" not being the center of attention on their sibling's birthday, there is something wrong. I can understand a very young child getting upset momentarily, but if a parent parents right, it can be just as much fun to help get the birthday ready for a sibling and the kid can learn the joy of giving and making someone else happy.
Yes, I realize "parent right" sounds judgemental. I can't imagine anyone would rather have a child that expects a present whenever someone else has a special day than one who can be happy for and giving to someone else. This is teachable and, I think, it needs to be.
I would do the same thing as the OP and have a polite conversation with the mother-in-law about it.
Wow. Glad to hear I'm the only one that thinks is really strange. My in-laws are compulsive shoppers, and pulled this the first year with our oldest. I told my husband this was not flying and I never heard of such a thing. According to him, this is an "Italian thing" Um, how about no. Yes, I was PA about and said very loudly "Oh gma and Gpa think it's your bday too." Maybe a little immature of me, but my in-law have huge entitlement issues, and yeah, it's not getting passed down to older DD. I've explained to older dd that birthdays are about the birthday person. Others don't get gifts. That is my belief and it's not changing. I'm pretty sure this year a coloring book still made it's way into the gifts, for our other daughter and it disappeared.
If a child needs a present to "cope with" not being the center of attention on their sibling's birthday, there is something wrong. I can understand a very young child getting upset momentarily, but if a parent parents right, it can be just as much fun to help get the birthday ready for a sibling and the kid can learn the joy of giving and making someone else happy.
Yes, I realize "parent right" sounds judgemental. I can't imagine anyone would rather have a child that expects a present whenever someone else has a special day than one who can be happy for and giving to someone else. This is teachable and, I think, it needs to be.
I would do the same thing as the OP and have a polite conversation with the mother-in-law about it.
Exactly. How are they going to deal with real life issues as an adult? The plight of that child not getting a "gift" bc you know, they weren't born on that day...
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and it disappeared.
