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Old 10-19-2016, 10:09 AM
 
Location: Barrington
63,919 posts, read 46,474,580 times
Reputation: 20674

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
That's what unemployment is for. If you quit, you probably won't get it, and if you are fired for "some" causes, yes, your employer can contest it. But people get fired every single day, and are absolutely entitled to unemployment.
Each state administers their Unemployment Fund. Generally speaking, most who are terminated for cause are not entitled to Unemployment benefits Those terminated due to variations of job elimination are usually eligible for benefits.

Anyone terminated employee can apply. The former employer can agree or deny. If denied, the terminated employee can challenge it. Typically a hearing ( via phone call) appointment is set and both sides will be heard and a ruling made. Sometimes, the former employer does not make the call and loses.

Sometimes, some who have been terminated get so into the challenge and victim ideology that it diverts their efforts from quickly bouncing back and finding another job.
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Old 10-19-2016, 10:20 AM
 
Location: Barrington
63,919 posts, read 46,474,580 times
Reputation: 20674
Quote:
Originally Posted by cheapdad00 View Post
So correct. If you can't collect unemployment if fired, then what is unemployment for?
All but one state is Employment at Will. Employees can be terminated for any ( legal) reason or no reason.
When an employee is terminated due to job elimination ( company moved, or outsourced or replaced job functions with technology, or reorganized and so on) , the former employee usually receives an unemployment benefit.

If an employee is terminated for cause, violation of a work rule, insubordination, sub par performance, a crime and so on, Unemployment is typically denied.

If people terminated for cause and automatically eligible for Unemployment benefits, there are people who would make a career out of getting hired, terminated for cause, collecting unemployment and when it ran out repeating the cycle all over again. Know what I mean?
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Old 10-19-2016, 10:43 AM
 
Location: Barrington
63,919 posts, read 46,474,580 times
Reputation: 20674
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vector1 View Post
Isn't ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) more of a pre-teenage malady?
Assuming it is even real [rather than just another diagnosis to put kids on meds or just a rebellious defiant kid], it should be over by now with a 31 year old woman.
ODD children sometimes become ODD adults.

It's healthier for a parent of an ODD adult to accept that this is the way their adult child is wired, it's their adult child's personality and they may never outgrow it or change. It's the ole, "you did not cause it, you cannot control it, you cannot change it", thing.

Certainly does not mean the parent is responsible for the outcomes of the behaviors of their adult child's personality or choices. Preventing an adult child from experiencing the consequences of their personality traits and choices robs the adult child of the potential opportunity to learn from experience and may contribute to unintentionally validating certain personality traits and choices.

Some people eventually get the connection between cause and effect and some do not.
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Old 10-19-2016, 12:19 PM
 
Location: CT
3,440 posts, read 2,508,039 times
Reputation: 4639
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sfragoliles View Post
Well I didn't want her living on the streets. What else could I have done? We have tried talking to her and getting her help but she won't, just attitude problems.
Well, nothing better for a bad attitude than a healthy dose of reality. I would suggest offering her a a few choices, either get some help, or go get another job, if you can't or won't do either then leave and figure it out on your own. That doesn't mean you love your daughter any less, but if you have tried to help and she has not appreciated the help, let reality be the teacher and it can be harsh.
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Old 10-19-2016, 12:37 PM
 
997 posts, read 929,156 times
Reputation: 2363
I don't agree with everybody on this thread in every way. I think that young adults make mistakes and sometimes need a free pass or a bail out. That is what parents are for. She hasn't always lived with you. She needs help.

I think she has something wrong with her. I don't know what it is but she is flaky. Some people take a little longer to grow up and they need a little extra help from Mom and Dad. As a mother you know if your child needs the extra help. You can sense it and that is why mothers tend to be enablers. We know that our kids are different and they can't conform.

You do have to not be co-dependent. There is a 12 step program called Coda. I never went to that but I did go to al anon for friends and family of alcoholics. It teaches you how to work on your own problems.

If this was my daughter, I would help her but I would try to do it in the most effective way. I would try to find out what that is.

I have known kids with ODD and they are extreme. Not something you wouldn't notice. I am a little oppositional myself and I don't like authority but it depends on how the authority behaves. I don't think anybody is better then me but I do respect a person who is doing a job that gives them authority. I don't mind playing my role and them playing their role but I expect to be able to talk to them. I think we are equals in life and some authority figures think they are superior beings and that is what I have a problem with. That is the exception rather then the rule in my experience but I don't respect that attitude.

I don't think that her having 1 DUI in the past is proof of a degenerate personality. I don't know anything about why she gets fired but my guess is attendance. Some people don't like to show up for work everyday but sometimes that is because they have problems. Is the 'getting fired' because she is a bad employee or stupid or lazy or dishonest. What is the reason for the firings? There must be one. How can that be addressed? You can't just say she is a bad egg. She needs help and you have to figure out how best to manage the situation. Does she have anger issues? That could be hormonal or it could be something that could be medicated. If her life is in ruins, maybe there is a reason for it.
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Old 10-19-2016, 01:21 PM
 
Location: San Antonio
3,536 posts, read 12,281,317 times
Reputation: 6036
Veronicka, 31 is not a young adult.

OP- as a young 30 something, I would NEVER move in with my parents. If I became unable to support myself, I'd be in a homeless shelter. Knowing this has kept me from putting myself into that situation. My parents have NEVER EVER not even once given me a single penny since I turned 18 and moved out. Nothing. They've never paid my rent, auto insurance, let me live with them... and I would never ever dream of asking them. They didn't pay for my wedding or my college, and I would never dream of asking them. I can't imagine being 31 and knowing my parents would take me in. That's a huge safety net and it means getting fired isn't a risk, and it doesn't have a consequence, therefore it's not scary and it's not anything to be avoided.

I love my parents, and we have a great relationship, I respect them, and they respect me. I'm not a child. I should not be treated like a child.
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Old 10-19-2016, 04:19 PM
 
16,245 posts, read 8,355,708 times
Reputation: 19115
Quote:
Originally Posted by middle-aged mom View Post
ODD children sometimes become ODD adults.

It's healthier for a parent of an ODD adult to accept that this is the way their adult child is wired, it's their adult child's personality and they may never outgrow it or change. It's the ole, "you did not cause it, you cannot control it, you cannot change it", thing.

Certainly does not mean the parent is responsible for the outcomes of the behaviors of their adult child's personality or choices. Preventing an adult child from experiencing the consequences of their personality traits and choices robs the adult child of the potential opportunity to learn from experience and may contribute to unintentionally validating certain personality traits and choices.

Some people eventually get the connection between cause and effect and some do not.
Assuming I understand what ODD is, the thought of a child not outgrowing it, and being that way as an adult is a frightening concept.
They would be in for a world and life of conflict and disappointment, because society will not tolerate the behavior like their parents did.
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Old 10-19-2016, 04:27 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
19,480 posts, read 24,978,757 times
Reputation: 51106
Quote:
Originally Posted by Veronicka View Post
I don't agree with everybody on this thread in every way.

I think that young adults make mistakes and sometimes need a free pass or a bail out. That is what parents are for. She hasn't always lived with you. She needs help.

I think she has something wrong with her. I don't know what it is but she is flaky. Some people take a little longer to grow up and they need a little extra help from Mom and Dad. As a mother you know if your child needs the extra help. You can sense it and that is why mothers tend to be enablers. We know that our kids are different and they can't conform.

You do have to not be co-dependent. There is a 12 step program called Coda. I never went to that but I did go to al anon for friends and family of alcoholics. It teaches you how to work on your own problems.

If this was my daughter, I would help her but I would try to do it in the most effective way. I would try to find out what that is.

I have known kids with ODD and they are extreme. Not something you wouldn't notice. I am a little oppositional myself and I don't like authority but it depends on how the authority behaves. I don't think anybody is better then me but I do respect a person who is doing a job that gives them authority. I don't mind playing my role and them playing their role but I expect to be able to talk to them. I think we are equals in life and some authority figures think they are superior beings and that is what I have a problem with. That is the exception rather then the rule in my experience but I don't respect that attitude.

I don't think that her having 1 DUI in the past is proof of a degenerate personality. I don't know anything about why she gets fired but my guess is attendance. Some people don't like to show up for work everyday but sometimes that is because they have problems. Is the 'getting fired' because she is a bad employee or stupid or lazy or dishonest. What is the reason for the firings? There must be one. How can that be addressed? You can't just say she is a bad egg. She needs help and you have to figure out how best to manage the situation. Does she have anger issues? That could be hormonal or it could be something that could be medicated. If her life is in ruins, maybe there is a reason for it.
Wow, I certainly would not call a woman who was 31 years old a "young adult" who may need "a little extra time to grow up". Sheesh!
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Old 10-19-2016, 05:03 PM
 
Location: plano
7,885 posts, read 11,330,546 times
Reputation: 7789
in 31 years she has learned all she can or will from you. She doesn't like bosses giving orders? Time for a new approach. Who sets the house rules? I bet. If so this is the Crux of one major issue. Give her notice of after x days with you she is out unless she gets a job and pays rent to you. Require her to have a job of finding a job 8 hours s day. Review her work to verify she is seeking one if she fails tell her the home deal ends immediately. If she questions this explain the golden rule..... He who has the gold makes the rules. Set a firm plan and live by it don't fold or she won't learn. Their are jobs needing a worker no one needs a slacker not even you. Rules need consequences if ignored this is a late time to teach her this lesson. But it has to be done or she is your ward for life. Backing down teaches he nothing she doesn't already know .... Best of luck and stand firm
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Old 10-19-2016, 05:10 PM
 
997 posts, read 929,156 times
Reputation: 2363
Apparently she has issues. Lots of 'young adults' live with their parents, especially in a very expensive area. To me, 31 is young. I know people who live with their parents who are old adults. Everybody has their story.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Young_adult_(psychology)

I swear that some people will not do it. They will sleep on a park bench before they will take care of themselves. I have known people like that. It seems like the problem is not addressed if you don't know why Susie can't deal with life. What is her problem? What is the solution? Which screw is loose?

Last edited by Veronicka; 10-19-2016 at 05:26 PM..
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