Child spit on another kid at school (Kindergarten)

[teacherdad]

A meeting for a first offense? Who was the other kid, the PTA President's kid?

Hey, he kicked her in retaliation. Chances are, she won't do that again.

Probably as other have stated...she's stressed or anxious about home stuff. Make sure you point this out at the meeting. Also, there should be counseling offered. She just needs to find an outlet, other than her current mode.

Swimming? Soccer? Something where she's in a group and moving.

ADD? Who gets checked for that in K? Most people with ADD attribute it to their success. DO NOT let ADD become an excuse...in most cases, it's an asset. I speak as a poster child from the 70's and I have the "H" as well in there.

24 year teacher (elementary)
3 businesses
Masters Deg. in Ed.

blah, blah, blah...

She may be looking for attention and sometimes young kids act out to get it. Keep her busy and do not sit at her level and "talk" to her each time...she's drawing you into attention via this behavior. I see parents doing this and I'm like, "Tell your kid to stop being a jerk." This, "Ohhh, baby...why do you feel you did this?" is lame. You just gave the kid an out because once they say a reason, it's like it's not their fault.

Rules I try:
I don't raise my voice (it's hard)
I repeat and do not engage (I'm the adult. We are not peers. This is not a discussion or negotiation)
Positive reinforcement WHEN appropriate (I don't say, "Good job," to build self-esteem. Kids are smart and know BS when they hear it).

I'm still surprised they want a meeting, unless it's a 2nd or 3rd time showing anger. Perhaps she is having social issues where it's hard for her to be a part of the group. Again, school counselors are a great way to talk it out and get a little break during the day.

I WOULD NOT recommend meds! I've seen kids taking meds to make them "focus and stay with the class" during school. Whatever happened to the out of the box thinkers and those that innovate, create, etc? Grades mean nothing if the kid is made to feel they have a disability. It's ridiculous. Look at what Stanford put out...highest GPA kids ever attending and the worst executive function. Kids can't take care of themselves.

Go back to biking to a buddy's house, build jumps, play in trees, be outside and explore. Eat real food! All will be fine. I have 2 teens, this early age is EASY.

Best of luck!

[germaine2626]

Originally Posted by flynavyj

All,

Thanks for the replies!!! The meeting of my wife and the teacher went well, it was basically to get the full story, and that matched what my daughter told me.

My wife ands I had a fairly long conversation with my daughter, and she's grounded through the weekend. Hoping this doesn't happen again (or other behavior problems don't surface).

As to family help, we're lucky that we live within a mile of both sets grandparents (one of whom is retired).

Thank you for the update.

[flynavyj]

Originally Posted by teacherdad

A meeting for a first offense? Who was the other kid, the PTA President's kid?

The meeting was our decision, nothing formal from the school on that front. Wife and I just wanted to figure out what happened, and not just the five year old's side of the story.

She doesn't have any real behavioral issues (hard time listening, and a recent mocking tone that we're trying to nip in the bud". She's in Girl Scouts, Soccer, and Tee Ball. We try to have regular outside time, and chances to play and burn off energy.

[Nov3]

Glad you dealt with this at the first sign of concern.

Sounds like you are remaining firm towards adjusting this antic.

[Harpaint]

Originally Posted by convextech

Your daughter is likely acting out because she doesn't get enough attention at home. Can you bring in some other family members to help out by staying with your daughter while the two of you are going through this rough patch?

^^^ Good suggestion.

[joker1979]

I have an almost 5 year old at home. It seems that she may be lacking attention with your recent work schedule and wife's medical issues. It's not your fault. If this is not usual behavior for your daughter, I wouldn't be too strict as she is likely just hurting and her feelings have manifested in this way. As a parent though, you need to let her know that no matter if she is feeling hurt or upset, certain behavior is not acceptable no matter what. Get down on her level, look her in the eye and ask her how she is feeling and why she spit at the other student. See what she says. Then empathize with her saying that must be very tough for you to feel that way, etc etc. Lastly make sure she understands her behavior was wrong - you can't spit on people. Perhaps give her some ways she can release her feelings in other ways. But considering the recent changes in your home life, I wouldnt be too quick to punish because it may do more harm than good. If it repeats, well then thats another story.

[phonelady61]

I am in camp wooden spoon . My niece got spat on at school and her mother told me that the kids grandmother had to come get him and she was not too happy with him and my sister said she saw that grandmother pull out a belt out of her purse and she shook it at him and said one more word and this is going to your behind .I am a big believe in no nonsense parenting and this business of children talking back and such needs to be nipped in the bud first offense . I think parents are far too easy going on their kids in this day and age . Then when they are 13 they are telling the parents what they are going to do .

[shortel]

Honestly the daughter is lucky she didnt pick a nice assault charge. Though the boy was wrong to kick her back but doesnt surprise me at that age.

[JayCT]

Originally Posted by phonelady61

I am in camp wooden spoon . My niece got spat on at school and her mother told me that the kids grandmother had to come get him and she was not too happy with him and my sister said she saw that grandmother pull out a belt out of her purse and she shook it at him and said one more word and this is going to your behind .I am a big believe in no nonsense parenting and this business of children talking back and such needs to be nipped in the bud first offense . I think parents are far too easy going on their kids in this day and age . Then when they are 13 they are telling the parents what they are going to do .

I am not a proponent of hitting kids a lot but with my kids I did spank them once so they always knew the threat of a spanking was there when they got out of line. A little fear can go a long way to control kids. It is all how you use it. I only did it once but they knew I would do it again if needed. They have so far grown up to be respectful responsible young people. Kids do bad things like this. I think I would consider making the daughter apologize to the other kid. A little humiliation goes a long way too. Did that with each of my kids too. Taught them that there are consequences for their actions as well. Jay