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By design we have only one child and, unless that child dies before us, everything will go to them.
If we had more than one child, everything would go to each as equally as I could make it. That however would be very difficult to do as we have real estate in two states.
I'm not here to promote anger in my surviving children by a purposeful unequal distribution of my wealth. If I had several children, I'll let their punishment be their own if they decide to squander the inheritance.
Why should you punish the oldest for being successful?
Punished? That doesn't enter into the equation. All three boys are successful. The eldest married the only daughter of extremely wealthy people. He opted for a private high school, which we paid for, followed by 4 years of a private out-of-state college, which we also footed the bill for. His brothers chose the local public high school, and in-state universities, which they received scholarships to. Right away, one son was given $200,000+ that his brothers didn't get.
Money doesn't mean anything to him, he has plenty. He has expressed a desire for something his father owns that does mean something to him. The choice seems obvious.
Particularly if you conveyed directly to the parties that they were included. your will can and often is challenged after your last breath. Witnessed relatives garner some leverage in courts and walk away with some items ...because they had the legal resources.
I was an executor to a will....and what was clearly written ...was challenged. I tend to be respectful of last wills...some are not.
My kids would have had to do or behave in such an atrocious way for my will to change.. meaning they joined a murderous cult or carried an nra membership
Luckily they were raised with good ethics and regard.
I do think trust funds are a more long term way to sustain the recipients...
I guess you could say that my siblings and I are disinherited but it sounds so horrible!
We all three have great relationships with my parents.
However, my parents made it very clear to all three of us we would not inherit anything, ever. My dad has worked very hard all his life and has made a lot of money over the years but it is all going to different charities.
My parents have paid for our educations and insisted on paying for their grandchildren's educations.
Their money is their money and they choose to not leave it to me and my siblings.
My parents are rich, there children will not be rich off them.
I do not believe in ruling from the grave but I also don't believe a person has an obligation to leave their wealth to anybody in particular.
Do you agree or not?
We have two sons. If the day comes when they marry and have kids, if one or both were to abandon their family or become physically abusive to their spouse, I would consider that grounds to be disinherited. I can think of other reasons, but let's say the transgression(s) would have to be on that scale.
Of course, I'd have to communicate that ahead of time, after the behavior is discovered, and give them a chance to mend their ways. Otherwise there is no point in disinheriting someone.
For the sake of this conversation let's define grown as over the age of 27.
A friend is considering disinheriting her 33 year old daughter and she has every reason to do so but we started talking about what others would do.
A will is simply a legal instrument to distribute a person's possessions and wealth- It is not a declaration of love and I think many people get the two confused.
I would disinherit a grown child if
1) they had a gambling problem or addiction problem like drugs or alcohol and refused to seek or accept help
2) if I was reasonably sure he would give the money away to a cult or fringe group
3) if this child had demonstrated an inability to manage her finances or life in general
4) if this child had demonstrated or even said she did not want to be a part of the family anymore
5) if a child was already wealthy and other children needed inheritance more
6) if he was convicted of a crime and would be spending the rest of his life in prison
7) if a grandchild or sibling had catastrophic medical needs and bills
I know inheritances can be set up in trusts to dole it out piece meal over the life of the child. I think that would be better than a huge windfall at say 30 years old. It is also possible to change a will with a codicil or completely rewrite a will if circumstances really changed.
I do not believe in ruling from the grave but I also don't believe a person has an obligation to leave their wealth to anybody in particular.
Do you agree or not?
Yes. I agree with most of this. With the exception of #3. In the case of a child who can not take care of themselves and has shown no malice - but difficulty managing money, I would especially set up some sort of a trust where money could be allocated as needed - instead of in one lump sum.
Also, with a child who is incarcerated for life, I'd want to ensure that they had money for expenses.
If I had a child who was very wealthy, I would not disinterested them, I might leave them some family artifacts, antiques possibly land - but I would save the money for the children who needed it.
I would have no qualms about cutting out an adult child who does not want to function as a member of the family any longer, has been abusive, or estranged.
Yes. I agree with most of this. With the exception of #3. In the case of a child who can not take care of themselves and has shown no malice - but difficulty managing money, I would especially set up some sort of a trust where money could be allocated as needed - instead of in one lump sum.
Also, with a child who is incarcerated for life, I'd want to ensure that they had money for expenses.
If I had a child who was very wealthy, I would not disinterested them, I might leave them some family artifacts, antiques possibly land - but I would save the money for the children who needed it.
I would have no qualms about cutting out an adult child who does not want to function as a member of the family any longer, has been abusive, or estranged.
Just because a child is "wealthy" at some point in time is no guarantee they will stay that way. I would give equally to all kids knowing that things happen in life beyond one's control so they would also have benefit of any money I leave. I also think (as the kid who did the right things and got nothing from a parent emotionally and financially) that while it may not be your intention, it feels a slap in the face to be told once again that you matter less. That you were loved less. That your a sibling is more important. Everyone wants to feel loved and valued and like it or not inheritance is perceived that way. You, of course, will be gone and miss the fallout, but it could also damage the relationship between your kids for one to feel slighted.
We have two sons. If the day comes when they marry and have kids, if one or both were to abandon their family or become physically abusive to their spouse, I would consider that grounds to be disinherited. I can think of other reasons, but let's say the transgression(s) would have to be on that scale.
Of course, I'd have to communicate that ahead of time, after the behavior is discovered, and give them a chance to mend their ways. Otherwise there is no point in disinheriting someone.
I guess you could say that my siblings and I are disinherited but it sounds so horrible!
We all three have great relationships with my parents.
However, my parents made it very clear to all three of us we would not inherit anything, ever. My dad has worked very hard all his life and has made a lot of money over the years but it is all going to different charities.
My parents have paid for our educations and insisted on paying for their grandchildren's educations.
Their money is their money and they choose to not leave it to me and my siblings.
My parents are rich, there children will not be rich off them.
I would not consider that disinherited. People who have their education funded by their parents have been bestowed an endless and far reaching gift. And, to have their children's education paid for as well, that is absolutely amazing.
Both my husband and I come from humble backgrounds. We needed to get jobs and work very hard during college and take out many loans. My husband finally graduated with his undergrad, Master's Degree and Law Degree just before he turned 28. I graduated with my Master's degree at the same time, having worked full time for about five years. I do not recall exactly when we finished paying off all of our student loans but I suspect that we were close to 40 years old. Obviously, that delayed when we could start saving for our own children's education (as well as how we saved for our own retirement).
Both of our children worked VERY hard during their college years as our support to them was limited. During the summers it was not unusual for our son to have a full time job and two or three part time jobs as well as working during the school year. He received his doctorate when he was almost 30. And, he said that he hopes to have his student loans paid off before he turns 40. Well, by that time saving for his own children's education (as well as saving for his retirement) will be far, far behind schedule.
Our daughter also hopes to have all of her student loans paid off within 10 years after graduation, but that depends greatly on how her long term career plan works out. And, of course, that puts her far behind on saving for her own retirement and future children. Both of our children are in "helping fields" so their incomes are quite low which further complicates matters.
If my husband had his education (even just his undergraduate) paid for by his parents we would not have had to struggle so hard all of our married life. And, I can't even imagine how our lives would have changed if our children had their education paid for by a grandparent. And, of course, that effects how they will be able to save for their own children's education.
So, blueherons, the "inheritance" that your parents gave you by paying for your education easily has, and will, ripple through many, many generations possibly even longer than a financial inheritance after their death.
What an amazing gift.
Last edited by germaine2626; 10-20-2016 at 09:13 AM..
For the sake of this conversation let's define grown as over the age of 27.
A friend is considering disinheriting her 33 year old daughter and she has every reason to do so but we started talking about what others would do.
A will is simply a legal instrument to distribute a person's possessions and wealth- It is not a declaration of love and I think many people get the two confused.
I would disinherit a grown child if
1) they had a gambling problem or addiction problem like drugs or alcohol and refused to seek or accept help
2) if I was reasonably sure he would give the money away to a cult or fringe group
3) if this child had demonstrated an inability to manage her finances or life in general
4) if this child had demonstrated or even said she did not want to be a part of the family anymore
5) if a child was already wealthy and other children needed inheritance more
6) if he was convicted of a crime and would be spending the rest of his life in prison
7) if a grandchild or sibling had catastrophic medical needs and bills
I know inheritances can be set up in trusts to dole it out piece meal over the life of the child. I think that would be better than a huge windfall at say 30 years old. It is also possible to change a will with a codicil or completely rewrite a will if circumstances really changed.
I do not believe in ruling from the grave but I also don't believe a person has an obligation to leave their wealth to anybody in particular.
Do you agree or not?
Your rules are quite fair. I like your ideas. My wife and I are about to see the lawyer to update our wills and were unsure how to go about it. I appreciate this thread. I may take some of these suggestions.
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