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Just wanted thoughts on this. My daughter was playing with the kids next door. It was time to come in so when I went out to get her I saw all the kids talking to a neighbor. The neighbor is the mother of a boy a bit younger than my daughter. My daughter comes in through the patio doors upset and the next door kid walks right behind her telling me my daughter is upset because she didn't get invited to the party. Not only did she not receive an invite but the boy runs to my patio, sits on the chairs and starts telling me he is having a party. My daughter can hear all this and the boy's mom is still right outside her house seeing all this (we live in townhouses so we share some of the back yard- no fencing). When I'm finally alone with my daughter she asks me why the mom didn't invite her. Now, this boy plays as much with my daughter as with the other kids. Of course I don't think the boy had bad intentions, but I do think the mother was incredibly inconsiderate and gave no care in the world that she was hurting my kids feelings. If the boy had been giving out the invitations it would have been different but it was the mother and my daughter was right there with the rest of the kids. Also, I'm not expecting my kid to be included in all parties but there are ways to be sensitive about this. I want to keep my daughter innocent as much as possible but I don't think I'm doing her any favors by sugar coating things. I explained to her that it was ok if she doesn't get invited to some birthday parties, I also reminded her of how she gets invited to many during the year. I also pointed out that the neighbor was rude in inviting other kids like that in front of her if she wasn't going to invite her. I told her we (my husband and I) would not do that to other kids and reminded her of how we invited her friends to her last birthday (mailing invitations to some of the girls in her classroom so the rest of the kids would not get hurt). I also told her that now I would not feel comfortable if she went to the boys birthday because now we knew the mom was rude. She has reached the age (6) where children can be mean to each other and I've been teaching her that we can't force people to be nice. People will be nice if they want and no one can make someone be nice. So when I mentioned the mother being rude, she understood me immediately. She got over the issue almost as soon as the conversation was over. I don't feel the need to talk to the neighbor. I've learned myself that not everyone will act the way I would and more importantly they will not care (clearly she didn't). But it doesn't stop shocking me that people can be thoughtless, inconsiderate and rude.
you sound like a very kind, considerate mother. Your daughters lucky to have you. It's good that you said what you did to her..to help her understand...It IS a shock when you see how rude and thoughtless some people can be...especially to a child. Your daughter will learn that this is a part of life...she'll learn gently, thanks to you.
Kids get excluded and you handled it in a great way. It is painful to the children and inconsiderate of that mom but at the end of the day there's nothing you can really do other than comfort your daughter and explain to her why the mom was wrong in the way she did it. And teach her not to do it to anyone else when it comes time for her birthday party.
You handled this situation very well. Your daughter came to you with her confusion and hurt feelings and you guided her through a difficult situation in a very constructive way. KUDOS!!
It's hard to believe this mom would hand out invitations in front of other kids and not give them to others who were present. That's just bad manners all the way around! I would probably not allow my child to be around this woman anymore.
What I've learned is that many parents still act like they are in high school. There are maturity issues. I even know people in their 30s and 40s - some parents, some not - who are still very immature and function more like teenagers on an emotional level. Having good manners and etiquette are somewhat dependent on the ability to be mature. I was on the school playground recently and heard a group of mommies gossiping about what one of the other moms was wearing. It was like the way kids talk in the eighth grade. My husband and I are older parents and we definitely don't fit in with people like this.
But, welcome to the forum. So glad you rushed here from wherever you usually talk to anonymous strangers on the internet to tell us all about the most pressing issue of your day/week/month/year/life to date. It does seem a bit strange to start out here by launching with this type of story ... but different strokes for different folks I guess.
That said ... according to your version, there is little to criticize in how you handled the situation. What is it you want from us though? Confirmation that you did the right thing? For us to blast the neighbour's behaviour even though it seems neither you nor we have any idea of exactly why what seems to have transpired actually happened?
Last edited by Miss Blue; 10-25-2016 at 09:04 AM..
What I've learned is that many parents still act like they are in high school. There are maturity issues. I even know people in their 30s and 40s - some parents, some not - who are still very immature and function more like teenagers on an emotional level.
I remember an occasion when teachers acted like they were the mean girls still in high school.
As a high school junior, I was asked -- completely out of the blue -- to attend a dinner for the National Merit Scholars, which was an invitation-only club at our school. The teachers chose the club members. I went. I don't recall exactly how many other juniors were there but I don't think it was more than a dozen.
After the meal, one of the teachers went around the table mysteriously and "surprised" each junior with an invitation to join the club. I kept thinking I'd be tapped any moment since my test scores and grades were easily high enough. It didn't happen. Why was I there, then?
It seems I was invited for the express purpose of being passed over. It was cruel and completely uncalled-for. People in a position of authority should never pull such puerile pranks but apparently some just can't help themselves.
I remember an occasion when teachers acted like they were the mean girls still in high school.
As a high school junior, I was asked -- completely out of the blue -- to attend a dinner for the National Merit Scholars, which was an invitation-only club at our school. The teachers chose the club members. I went. I don't recall exactly how many other juniors were there but I don't think it was more than a dozen.
After the meal, one of the teachers went around the table mysteriously and "surprised" each junior with an invitation to join the club. I kept thinking I'd be tapped any moment since my test scores and grades were easily high enough. It didn't happen. Why was I there, then?
It seems I was invited for the express purpose of being passed over. It was cruel and completely uncalled-for. People in a position of authority should never pull such puerile pranks but apparently some just can't help themselves.
Yes, that was disgusting when adults do these things. I remember at least a couple of teachers in high school who were somewhat immature. One of them dressed just like the teenaged girls did. I wondered about that.
A 5 year old boy might only want to invite 5 year old boys to his party. If the girl was 6, she might have been disqualified on 2 counts. Being a girl and being 6. Maybe the mother thought that was obvious, and didn't see anything to apologize for. Maybe she wasn't aware the girl was disappointed.
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