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Well, it sounds to me like his adulthood has arrived, so it's time for him to act as such by supporting himself.
Tough love, I know, but if his choice of being a bum on your couch doesn't sit well with you (and it shouldn't!), then out he goes into the worl to start his adult life.
The concept that massive amounts of parents are coddling their children & expending all of this effort to do everything for them as some sort of heroic act is just a myth perpetrated by people who want an excuse to treat their children harshly.
Give me a break! We are talking about an 18 year old adult, not a 4 year old.
I'm only speaking of the attitudes that I have observed. Ironically, the parents that I have observed that complain the most about how entitled their children are, their inability to discipline them due controls on physical punishment etc, well these people are some of the most entitled individuals I have yet to meet. They don't want to invest the time in actually raising their children properly; instead they throw them out into the world ASAP to learn on their own & call it tough love instead of lazy parenting. It is much easier to say "my way or the highway" then actually spend the time trying to raise your children and be their for them no matter how good or bad the times are. And then they congratulate themselves for having fed their kids when they were younger or provided a roof over their heads, as those that is some earned privilige and not a something a child has the right too. And ironically it is usually these same people whose kids are in trouble when they hit the teen years...
Quote:
Originally Posted by KristyLiz
Give me a break! We are talking about an 18 year old adult, not a 4 year old.
I'm only speaking of the attitudes that I have observed. Ironically, the parents that I have observed that complain the most about how entitled their children are, their inability to discipline them due controls on physical punishment etc, well these people are some of the most entitled individuals I have yet to meet. They don't want to invest the time in actually raising their children properly; instead they throw them out into the world ASAP to learn on their own & call it tough love instead of lazy parenting. It is much easier to say "my way or the highway" then actually spend the time trying to raise your children and be their for them no matter how good or bad the times are. And then they congratulate themselves for having fed their kids when they were younger or provided a roof over their heads, as those that is some earned privilige and not a something a child has the right too. And ironically it is usually these same people whose kids are in trouble when they hit the teen years...
The kid is already 18, good parenting or not, its a bit late and its clear he isn't listening to what is being said.
My guess is he will find himself a job when he realizes his parents are serious. Unless there is something mentally or emotionally wrong with him, he can find a job and deal with reality, letting him get away with it now will do him NO favors later in life.
My brother is in his 50s and hasn't had a job in more then 10 years, he lies, cheats, does drugs, has affairs but always keeps his wife around because she works. It can all be contributed to my parents way of dealing with his BS when he was at home. They gave him too many chances and it has haunted him his entire life.
IWell, the parent isn't the child's friend. The parent is the parent. Not an equal, not an advocate, not a buddy, but a teacher of life. It doesn't mean you stint on hugs. It doesn't mean you're abusive. But it does mean that you prepare the child for the real world.
Wow, that sums it up in a nutshell for me. Parenting is very rewarding, but it is often not fun. My job is to make sure my children grow up ready to become productive adults. Now, I know that may or may not happen. All I can do is my best to ensure my child knows I love them, support them and am looking out for their welfare. But, when they become adults, I expect them to move on and live their lives.
As for the OP, you said your 18 year old just quit school. Did something happen? For sure, you want to make sure there are no mental health issues. If not, it's time for YOU to move on. You never stop being a parent, but you also need to let your child become an adult.
The concept that massive amounts of parents are coddling their children & expending all of this effort to do everything for them as some sort of heroic act is just a myth perpetrated by people who want an excuse to treat their children harshly. It is much more likely in today's world that parents are neglecting their children or acting callously towards them creating angry, alienated adults with psychological problems that my tax dollars have to now support.
Get real, b75. Sounds like you have some seriously unresolved childhood issues.
The problem today is that parents coddle their kids; don’t teach them the basic skills to get through life.
I’m in a position where I hire kids for summer employment. Most of the resumes are worthless and if I do take a chance on a kid, I may have to fire them for being untrainable, absenteeism, coming in late, poor work ethic, etc. Then the parents call me about poor x and x. It’s unbelievable.
You don't like to read what is written do you? You just make up the answers and post in response. Alot of the things you attributed to me, not only are false, but I have said the opposite repeatedly in response to you...I hope you are more attentive with your listening style IRL (especially to your children) then the manner in which you read. That isn't a jab; it is a real observation.
Perhaps if you actually offered a coherent argument. But given how many parents on this thread are piling onto your answers, have you ever considered that you may be wrong and we are right?
Instead, we get the same basic reply over and over from you--Parents are supposed to be sweet and helpful and empathetic to an 18-year-old who will not get out of bed and get a job. And then you drop broad hints about your terrible childhood and how sweet and nice parents would have made your life sooooo much better.
Well, it doesn't work that way. A two-year-old can operate in a household without responsibility. A four-year-old should have some. A ten-year-old should have a good deal more. And an eighteen-year-old should have a complete understanding of his responsibilities to the family and to himself. That kid doesn't learn it through osmosis. Or from the Responsibility Fairy at the magical age of 17. It is a day-in, day-out task on the part of the parent from the time the child emerges from the womb. Show me an 18-year-old with absolutely no sense of responsibility, and I'll show you a parent who utterly failed to do his or her job.
Yes, it's that simple. And if he doesn't, then a serious dose of tough love is required. For the consequences of more pussyfooting (apparently your favored mode of parenting, and God help you) will almost certainly lead to a miserable life for the offspring and heartbreak for the parent.
I'm only speaking of the attitudes that I have observed. Ironically, the parents that I have observed that complain the most about how entitled their children are, their inability to discipline them due controls on physical punishment etc, well these people are some of the most entitled individuals I have yet to meet. They don't want to invest the time in actually raising their children properly; instead they throw them out into the world ASAP to learn on their own & call it tough love instead of lazy parenting. It is much easier to say "my way or the highway" then actually spend the time trying to raise your children and be their for them no matter how good or bad the times are. And then they congratulate themselves for having fed their kids when they were younger or provided a roof over their heads, as those that is some earned privilige and not a something a child has the right too. And ironically it is usually these same people whose kids are in trouble when they hit the teen years...
Okay, for the sake of your future children, let's deconstruct what you've just written.
"They don't want to invest the time in actually raising their children properly; instead they throw them out into the world ASAP to learn on their own & call it tough love instead of lazy parenting."
You just couldn't be more wrong. It's far, far easier to be the yielding parent that it is to sometimes get tough with your kids. Any idiot can give a child whatever he or she wants. It is the parent who occasionally says, 'absolutely not' or lays down the ground rules who has the tougher job.
"It is much easier to say 'my way or the highway' then actually spend the time trying to raise your children and be their for them no matter how good or bad the times are."
Again, more baloney, based on no actual experience raising children. Setting the rules and setting the boundaries is actually the most liberating thing a parent can do for a child. For, if people actually parented according your theory, the parent would spend every minute of ever day negotiating with the child based on the kid's whim of the moment--all because of an elastic code of conduct that is never certain and always situational in nature. By setting firm, inviolable ground rules, the child's knows what is allowed and what's not. That way the parent can spend his time mentoring, coaching, and loving--not arguing or reasoning.
"And then they congratulate themselves for having fed their kids when they were younger or provided a roof over their heads, as those that is some earned privilige and not a something a child has the right too."
Another ridiculous comment based on absolutely nothing. Who is this "they" you keep referring to? A child deserves unconditional love. But that does not mean the child treats the parent as an ongoing source of sustenance for the rest of their lives. Once the child has completed his education, then the gravy train comes to an end. It is this understanding that transforms biological adults into grownups who can function in the real world.
"And ironically it is usually these same people whose kids are in trouble when they hit the teen years..."
Derived from what? I can tell you that the exact opposite is the case. I can tell you from personal experience that the parents who were lax and let all kinds of things slide were the ones who regretted it later on.
Personally I think you really need to have children and be a certain age before you can really understand the dynamics of this situation. One has to wonder if b75 has these qualifications.
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