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Yes, of course you should share these things. As I remember, their first instinct will be to reject the advice and try it their own way, but if that doesn't work they'll remember your advice.
Yes, it's good to give advice, but not to the point that you see their eyes glaze over. Not good to give the same advice over and over again, as that comes across as nagging. Just here and there, and try to watch for the response. I know of some parents who don't realize that they are nagging. It makes their kids want to avoid talking with them.
My adult kids didn't always appear to appreciate my advice, but I do think that a lot of it sunk in. Sometimes they would even ask for advice, from their dad and me, especially as they got older. They live in the area and visit often. Thankfully, we are a close family.
I know that when I was in high school or college, I didn't want to listen to much of anything my parents had to say. Fortunately, I had a pretty good grasp of common sense so was able to stay out of trouble and achieve a level of success.
I find it more interesting now as I deal with my in-laws (and how oppressive my wife's environment was growing up in terms of rules and strictness despite living a life of financial privilege) how much I benefited from the flexibility in my own upbringing. I benefited from my parent's tolerance of differing opinions and cultures and as a result have a completely different outlook on life than my wife where everything needs to be a black and white decision.
I have two respectful and decent kids, but I can tell that when I try to give them advice on "life" now, it basically goes in one ear and out the other. I'm sure I did the same thing at their age. Is it still worth telling them your thoughts on things like choosing a college major, money management, what to look for in a prospective spouse, the working world, etc., or do they just need to figure things out for themselves?
w/o reading the other replies, this thread resonated quite a bit. Especially now that my folks are gone, in the fullness and ruthlessness of "inevitability": time keeps ticking away.
I listened to most of my parents' life-lessons as a teen, and only child, thus bearing the full brunt of their intentions. Hearing, and retaining, is one thing. Applying, something else entirely. My three life-pillars are Courage, Wisdom, and Integrity. Those, I figured out on my own, through hard knocks. Most of my parents' more-important lessons went to those three. I too was mostly "decent and respectful," traits that have served me well now closing fast on 50.
I sorted all that, those parental life lessons, in good time. The few I reluctantly followed, almost at bayonet-point, in the short term were about respect and duty to commitments that were for my own good: finishing high school, and undergrad, to find a career path. That led me, decades later, to my Rule No. 1 in life: "Can you Monetize it?" If A = No, you probably should re-think that task on your life-prioritization as starving artists are...still starving.
I quote my late father quite often, with a smirk to myself that if dad didn't say it quite the way I'm quoting, that's certainly what he would have meant. Each time I do, I'm essentially trammeling an amalgamation of my dad's wisdom with what I've gained on my own. And that is how it should be, one generation to the next.
We are the sum of our observations and instruction taken in via others, plus inherent predilections. Humans are a walking contradiction of good, evil, indifference, or concentrated neutrality. Or all within a five minute span. Good people with weaknesses joined the National Socialists in the '20s and '30s because it seemed a good way to get ahead, save the country, etc. during dark times in Germany. Too, I've seen people who often choose dumb and unpleasant behaviors have flashes of consciousness and do the right thing.
Neither is impossible, I don't believe in what some call "lawful Good" or "lawful Evil", those are merely tropes in fiction.
Fundamentally, I lean neutral-good. I firmly believe that is in good measure due to me listening to, and gradually absorbing, my parents' life-lessons. Not necessarily even consciously, but bearing them in mind as I face day-to-day decisions in life.
Can't answer to second part of the question, not into having kids.
1. Depends on how it is delivered. No one likes an "I told you so."
2. Depends on how well you have managed your own life.
3. Timing is everything. Advice on using a credit card or purchasing insurance is only good when a credit card is available or they are paying their own insurance.
4. Advising on choosing friends is a losing proposition.
THANK YOU ALL so much for all the great answers and input! I read every single reply and really do appreciate all of your unique perspectives! Much of what most of you said was in agreement, and thankfully I think I'm doing at least a few things right (not lecturing, not trying to micromanage their decisions, realizing they will still disregard my input and make mistakes of their own, etc.). I also picked up some great tips that I want to try to implement, and I'm sure I'll refer back here often to remind myself of those ideas.
It would be nice if each generation could pass along all of its wisdom, usually learned from making mistakes of our own, and it would be fully-embraced by the next generation, allowing them to avoid all of the same pitfalls, but I know that's unrealistic. It's a little bittersweet entering that stage in a parent's life where my kids no longer "hang on my every word" but I know I did the exact same thing when I was their age (we think we're SO smart as teenagers, don't we??).
Again, thank you to all of you for your excellent thoughts on this!!
I don't have teenage kids but my dad would often tell me stories and sometimes throw some advice in there when I was younger. I found it annoying at times and it probably seemed like I didnt listen but he'd go on anyway - I remember it and yes I took some of the advice eventually.
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