Parents of Teens: Do you tell them your crazy teen stories or NOT.? (smart, daughter)
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How old are the kids and how crazy are the stories? If it will start a dialogue go for it but also keep in mind they may say "well mom did this when she was my age so it's ok."
Nope. Well I did share with my teens some things. Not stories, but biographical information. I shared that I experimented with pot and alcohol when we discussed it. Things like that. But no, i didn't share the wild nights I used to have or the adventures I had when I ran away.
I just think you have to be smart. Much of it they don't want to hear. You are still a hero to them, even if they don't act like it. So that line between parent and child has to stay clear. Sharing a bunch of stories becomes like teen talk if you aren't careful.
My mom told me a lot of things that really upset me about her teen years. I would feel bad for her, or I would think less of her (which hurts) or I would feel like "well she did it, so can I".
I guess it depends on what the stories are and how you go about it. Are they to illustrate a message?
I've shared some experiences as my daughter has gotten older, but certainly not details of any of the really stupid stuff I did. It's a fine line between wanting to let them know that you're human and that everyone does crazy things in their youth and having them hear you as giving permission for doing their own crazy things. I'm a big believer in keeping the voice in their head that says, "Mom would kill me if she knew I was going to do this."
I have told my children general stories, or modified stories but not the entire unvarnished truth. And, I usually frame the stories in "I wish that I had done it this way" or "I should have done that". Or I share stories about "a friend of mine".
But, the bottom line is that teens and adults often need to make their own mistakes so that they can learn from them.
Now, serious, potential life threatening things, drugs, alcohol, suicide, etc., I tried to give much stronger "lessons" about these things.
You also have to consider that your teens look up to you and respect you as an adult and as a parent. If you told them all of the stupid things that you did as a teen could they still respect you?
I've shared some experiences as my daughter has gotten older, but certainly not details of any of the really stupid stuff I did. It's a fine line between wanting to let them know that you're human and that everyone does crazy things in their youth and having them hear you as giving permission for doing their own crazy things. I'm a big believer in keeping the voice in their head that says, "Mom would kill me if she knew I was going to do this."
"It's a fine line between wanting to let them know that you're human and that everyone does crazy things in their youth and having them hear you as giving permission for doing their own crazy things."
Nope. Well I did share with my teens some things. Not stories, but biographical information. I shared that I experimented with pot and alcohol when we discussed it. Things like that. But no, i didn't share the wild nights I used to have or the adventures I had when I ran away.
I just think you have to be smart. Much of it they don't want to hear. You are still a hero to them, even if they don't act like it. So that line between parent and child has to stay clear. Sharing a bunch of stories becomes like teen talk if you aren't careful.
My mom told me a lot of things that really upset me about her teen years. I would feel bad for her, or I would think less of her (which hurts) or I would feel like "well she did it, so can I".
I guess it depends on what the stories are and how you go about it. Are they to illustrate a message?
Thank You EVERYONE for sharing your thoughts.
I really needed to hear the things each one of you said.
I will NOT be sharing my stories.
I want to keep that voice in their head, "moms gonna kill me" as Marlow mentioned.
And, YES, HighFlyingBird I want them to not feel sorry for me. I want them to respect me.
Thank you again!! I really needed some good advice!
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