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I have to say this up and down routine comes with breast feeding, it is often the norm the first few months, even the first year.
I would have your wife contact the local le leche league and ask for advice. Her diet has a lot to do with how rich her breast milk is/will be. I remember well how stress can negatively affect the "let down" process of nursing.
I think your wife will benefit from some maternal advice from other experienced nursing mothers. Also, no matter how many dishes, or loads of laundry need to be done, when your baby lies down, your wife needs to lie down and sleep.
I lived by the words in the book by Karen Pryor, Any Woman Can .....this was back in the day....But, I fed myself a hearty breakfast every morning, oatmeal with real cream and butter...and the old German philosophy of having a very tiny glass of dark rich beer in the evening which was for me the most stressful time, and it worked to let my milk down. (I am not advising the use of alcohol, I am simply sharing what worked for me in the 80's) And, I only did this for a very short time, as needed. I added a link, of Karen Pryor's revised book.
Once my milk was plentiful enough, my baby was sleeping through the 2am feeding.....I sometimes had to wake him due to engorgement.
Another thing that helps to let your wife relax into nursing is to develop a strict routine.....Something that she ritualistically does before nursing....It could be as small as simply washing her hands, and opening her nursing bra and wiping her breasts.....this routine will soon trigger the "let down" process. When your breasts are filling like they should, baby gets more food. More food equals more sleep.
Make sure that your pediatrician has advised that baby is healthy, and give some thoughts after consulting him/her to the above rituals that helped me.
Hang in there....Congrats!
ETA....RE: Feeling that your child is colicky. I was given a tidbit back in the day that helped immensely. Lay baby on his back, and do that bycicle motion with his little legs, gently of course....pushing his knees to his abdomen area. This induces farts....and sometimes gas is a culprit for little guys.
Also, I would not use a swing seat so routinely. It lulls him to sleep, when you should be playing and keeping him awake a bit more and longer. I use to literally wash my sons face at times to keep him awake a bit longer....(Mom suggested it) It worked, keeping him awake a bit longer had the effect of making him sleepy and he eventually slept longer and longer. This varies with each child....it truly does.
It is hard to relax into being a new parent, everything is frightening. But, it really is best to do this, do some research online for tidbits and find what works for you.
I second the need for your wife to get checked if she is depressed. Over tiredness is very bad for us physically and emotionally. I wish you both well. It will be ok.
Many, many babies (mine included) slept better when they were NOT in our room. I know co-sleeping to a certain point is often recommended, it's easier to feed the baby at night when he's in your room, yadda yadda, but it just does not work well for some babies. They know you are there, you know they are there, and somehow inadvertently you are all waking each other up all the time. We tried it and none of us were sleeping; we moved them to their own room and everything got so much better. I really recommend trying this if you can. And again, give it a fair shot....a week at least.
Seriously on the very first night, my son slept great in his own space. He never returned to sleeping with me and he proudly turned 6 today!
I have to say this up and down routine comes with breast feeding, it is often the norm the first few months, even the first year.
I would have your wife contact the local le leche league and ask for advice. Her diet has a lot to do with how rich her breast milk is/will be. I remember well how stress can negatively affect the "let down" process of nursing.
I think your wife will benefit from some maternal advice from other experienced nursing mothers. Also, no matter how many dishes, or loads of laundry need to be done, when your baby lies down, your wife needs to lie down and sleep.
I lived by the words in the book by Karen Pryor, Any Woman Can .....this was back in the day....But, I fed myself a hearty breakfast every morning, oatmeal with real cream and butter...and the old German philosophy of having a very tiny glass of dark rich beer in the evening which was for me the most stressful time, and it worked to let my milk down. (I am not advising the use of alcohol, I am simply sharing what worked for me in the 80's) And, I only did this for a very short time, as needed. I added a link, of Karen Pryor's revised book.
Once my milk was plentiful enough, my baby was sleeping through the 2am feeding.....I sometimes had to wake him due to engorgement.
Another thing that helps to let your wife relax into nursing is to develop a strict routine.....Something that she ritualistically does before nursing....It could be as small as simply washing her hands, and opening her nursing bra and wiping her breasts.....this routine will soon trigger the "let down" process. When your breasts are filling like they should, baby gets more food. More food equals more sleep.
Make sure that your pediatrician has advised that baby is healthy, and give some thoughts after consulting him/her to the above rituals that helped me.
Hang in there....Congrats!
While I agree with your methods to make sure you have plenty of milk, sometimes it doesn't make any difference with a fussy baby. I had two sons who didn't sleep well. I often had so much milk that when I opened my nursing bra just before my sons latched on, my milk was squirting straight out of me into their faces (honest). I used to soak those nursing pads when I even thought about feeding them. They still didn't sleep well.
He sounds like he may have reflux or colic. This article has some good info for dealing with a colicky breastfed baby. Colic in the Breastfed Baby
I second the recommendation for your wife to attend a LLL meeting for mother to mother support. Parenting is not easy but this stage will pass. I hope you both get some sleep soon.
Welcome to the world of newborns! Forget the books. No 2 babies are the same. My siblings and I were all completely different. I rarely slept as a baby, toddler, child, teen, and adult. I've never been one who likes to sleep. Still don't. It was hard on my mother when I was a baby.
You seriously need to put grad school on hold while you have a baby......no idea how you thought you could actually handle a newborn, a full time job, and grad school. Your poor wife! She's stuck 24/7. You on the other hand, have a lot of time away. She doesn't have that luxury.
She needs to get herself to a doctor. She needs to make sure she isn't dealing with postpartum depression. She needs help if she is. She needs your help as well.
Has the baby seen a doctor to make sure everything is ok? Just because a baby is nursing doesn't mean the baby is drinking enough or able to digest that milk. Many babies are allergic to breast milk. Some babies also don't like breast milk when mom eats certain things especially string flavored foods.
Having a baby is life altering. You don't sound like you were expecting that.
Having a baby is life altering. You don't sound like you were expecting that.
No.
You CANNOT make that claim about the OP. You have no evidence that he didn't expect his life to change after having a baby.
If you meant to say he doesn't sound prepared for those changes a baby brings, you might be correct. Because NO one can prepare sufficiently for the life changes a baby brings. As other posters have stated there is no way to know YOUR baby before he's born, no way to know the level of sleep deprivation you're going to experience, no way to prepare for the hormonal fluctuations that will most likely occur. Those are just a few of the many things parents cannot fully prepare for in advance...
Welcome to the club, bud. We have a 19mo/old and went through the same thing. Sleep all day, evil, devilish child at night. I spent many a late night with him sleeping on my chest/arms because he wouldn't sleep in that bassinet for anything.
That said - we went through a few things. Wife saw a lactation consultant because he was having trouble eating and this caused problems with supply, we found out that he had a lip and tongue tie. He couldn't latch correctly. Made an appt with a pediatric dentist, he got them snipped the same day, night and day difference in his eating after a day or two. Look into it, if you haven't already. He was much happier with a full tummy, even though we had to continue supplementing with formula.
Two - he had reflux. It's a bear for kids. Saw our doc, got him sorted and on baby Zantac, life got easier. We also put him in a Daydreamer to sleep once he got big enough for it since it would keep him semi-upright. It's kind of like a baby recliner with high sides and a strap so he can't fall out. The first night we put him in that thing, he slept for 5 hours straight - we had to go check on him because he slept so soundly. It only got better from there to the point where he'd sleep the whole night through, only waking to feed and he'd conk back out again. He's been sleeping the whole night through ever since, about 11-12 hours a night now.
So sorry that you are both have such a difficult time! Sleep deprivation worsens (or causes) depressive feelings. My husband and I have been there and done that four times. I promise, it will get easier as the baby gets a bit older. This part is rough, but you will get through it! As someone else mentioned, one of our children slept better during the day when in a swing seat. Would it be possible for your wife to find someone who can help out during the day, so that she can take a nap? Also, in my case, I felt a whole lot better after my second pregnancy after being prescribed medication for hypothyroidism, even though my blood levels indicated barely borderline need for it. One baby had colic, one had chronic ear infections, one was just a very poor sleeper, for whatever developmental reasons. It was very difficult at the time, lasted four months, more or less depending on the baby.
You CANNOT make that claim about the OP. You have no evidence that he didn't expect his life to change after having a baby.
If you meant to say he doesn't sound prepared for those changes a baby brings, you might be correct. Because NO one can prepare sufficiently for the life changes a baby brings. As other posters have stated there is no way to know YOUR baby before he's born, no way to know the level of sleep deprivation you're going to experience, no way to prepare for the hormonal fluctuations that will most likely occur. Those are just a few of the many things parents cannot fully prepare for in advance...
However, there are things people can do to prepare when a baby is coming......not be a grad student while having a demanding full time job at the same time is something that the OP had complete control over. Never assume a baby will be a ray of sunshine when born of a few months old. Many aren't. Many are like cranky little, tiny, old men.
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