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A flick hurts no where near as hard as a spanking. But I don't even see how this could be effective at all. My teacher used to flick us and it did nothing. It was just annoying.
There was a thread about this and I had to share. My sons father also flicks my son's head. He's 7 now. My relationship w his dad is miraculously better as we both worked hard to communicate better. But in the past I did report Cps on him amongst other reasons, flicking my at the time 3 year old. I held my tongue years after because cps never did much about the flicking of the head. However as a mental health clinician working with children I must say there are so many other alternatives to flicking the head or any other emotional or physical abuse, even if slight. Their reactions to these actions start to pile up and become more complex. I work with kids that eventually their being conditioned to this kind of tyrannical parenting leads to other odd behaviors and reactions and even impede on their performance at school. But t doesn't really need to be that way. I get it though, Asian cultures did implement lots of corporal punishment in the past. So although I'm tolerant, I also see how it affects my child's emotional reactivity and attentionall difficulties.
Its the kind of thing an obnoxious jerk does. Especially if he does it to someone smaller and weaker than him.
I saw this post in the active thread section on C-D and it caught my attention.
Years ago, I spanked my kids a few times each (now age 23 and 26). The last spanking was at age 3. Along the way, and in order to gain their attention, I also slowly squeezed their arm harder and harder until I got their attention and focus. I used a calm voice asking them to rein in their emotion. I bet no more than a total of 3 times each child. I suspect that last time I did that from of "motivation" was at age 12ish. Once, they didn't stop their behavior until my son said "that hurts" as he snapped out of his behavior. My answer: my point in squeezing your arm was to eventually get your attention. Too bad it took that long.
At the end of the day, I was establishing who was in charge from Day 1. I followed through 100% with other disciplines from time-outs, taking away toys, etc. My motto: follow-through follow-through follow-through.
I'll give one example that stood out. At age 3, our son was having a temper tantrum. Like other times, the 1st try is to put him in timeout. He left the room screaming. I kept my cool and put him back in the room explaining he had to stay until he quiets down. He would not go by himself as he needed to be lifted. Nope, out of the room he came screaming. This time I put him back in and I held the door handle closed explaining he was in timeout. He started to bang on the door. I opened the door and gave him a small swat on his butt and calmly explained that was not going to work and I shut the door. Again, he came out continuously screaming. I ramped up the spanking a little harder. It took a total of three rounds of spanking and each time I ramped it up. The last time he really felt it. He finally figured out I wasn't going to give up and his actions had repercussions. That was the very last time I ever had to spank him. He understood I meant what I said. IMHO, at anytime if I let him out worrying about hurting his feelings, that would have been a turning point for the worse. Our kids were very well behaved. As the years went on and on, I got closer and closer with both of them. My wife was always the more nurturing one and I was normally more of the disipliner. Nurturing too but I had boundaries that had to be observed.
If I was to re-wind, I would discipline the exact same way. No one is dysfunctional or has any emotional scars etc etc. We are talking about a total of a 1/2 dozen of small physical corrections when words alone didn't seem to work. I propose if you have to spank your kids at age 12, you already messed up parenting.
IMHO, minimal physical discipline is only needed when they are very young. The key word is rarely. But 100% follow through seems to be extremely tough for parents. Inconsistency with discipline often times develops brats.
Others will disagree how to discipline. We can compare notes on how our kids turned out and I would be proud to compare.
I guess this has all been discussed with a therapist, that's why you can get inside their heads right?
You don't sound like an unreasonable person, but don't be so smug in your pride. Many things are taboo in a traditional family situation, especially any criticism whatsoever of parents while the parents (you) are alive. If your kids hit their own kids (when they are young and can't rationally express themselves... ) then there's already an argument that you passed on dysfunction to your own children.
Gershoff and co-author Andrew Grogan-Kaylor, an associate professor at the University of Michigan School of Social Work, found that spanking (defined as an open-handed hit on the behind or extremities) was significantly linked with 13 of the 17 outcomes they examined, all in the direction of detrimental outcomes.
“The upshot of the study is that spanking increases the likelihood of a wide variety of undesired outcomes for children. Spanking thus does the opposite of what parents usually want it to do,” Grogan-Kaylor says.
Gershoff and Grogan-Kaylor tested for some long-term effects among adults who were spanked as children. The more they were spanked, the more likely they were to exhibit anti-social behavior and to experience mental health problems. They were also more likely to support physical punishment for their own children, which highlights one of the key ways that attitudes toward physical punishment are passed from generation to generation.
Gershoff and Grogan-Kaylor tested for some long-term effects among adults who were spanked as children. The more they were spanked, the more likely they were to exhibit anti-social behavior and to experience mental health problems. They were also more likely to support physical punishment for their own children, which highlights one of the key ways that attitudes toward physical punishment are passed from generation to generation.
Uh oh.
Here come many, many posts both for and against spanking.
Gershoff and Grogan-Kaylor tested for some long-term effects among adults who were spanked as children. The more they were spanked, the more likely they were to exhibit anti-social behavior and to experience mental health problems. They were also more likely to support physical punishment for their own children, which highlights one of the key ways that attitudes toward physical punishment are passed from generation to generation.
It does not apply to all physical discipline and this thread is not about spanking.
I always find that odd when people say that--> that it was effective. IF it was effective he would never have had to do it again.
Learning doesn't have to happen in a single "trial" to be considered effective - there are obviously different levels of effectiveness. Whether learning is accomplished humanely or ethically is something else.
A flick hurts no where near as hard as a spanking. But I don't even see how this could be effective at all. My teacher used to flick us and it did nothing. It was just annoying.
What "works" for one child may not work for another. Punishments and different types of reinforcements have to be customized - it doesn't matter if it works for someone else.
My parents did timeouts of me in my room. As a pretty introverted kid - I loved it! All my books and stuff nearby and they weren't bugging me to do anything! So yeah, you have to know you kid and get creative - sitting on a stool in the kitchen would have been much better.
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