Court ordered to pay for college? (activities, chart, students, rates)
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OP, I just reread this thread and I'm a little unclear if your daughter started college in September or will be starting college in the future?
If DD started in September, did your ex-GF come up with her 1/3 of the money for the college? With two bankruptcies plus some law suits on her record I assume that it would be pretty hard for Mom to get loans so she must have a pretty high paying job to come up with all that money. Or did she find a money tree or catch a leprechaun or what? Curious minds want to know so that we can find some similar money trees or leprechauns, too! Or did Mom make her daughter take our additional student loans in the daughter's name (to pay for Mom's 1/3 of the bills)? Or is there something else going on?
And, I am assuming that the tuition & fees, dormitory bills, book costs, etc. etc. for second semester will be due next month (unless, some of those costs were paid on a yearly basis).
Please update when you have more information to post.
Last edited by germaine2626; 12-08-2016 at 06:55 PM..
OP, I just reread this thread and I'm a little unclear if your daughter started college in September or will be starting college in the future?
If DD started in September, did your ex-GF come up with her 1/3 of the money for the college? With two bankruptcies plus some law suits on her record I assume that it would be pretty hard for Mom to get loans so she must have a pretty high paying job to come up with all that money. Or did she find a money tree or catch a leprechaun or what? Curious minds want to know so that we can find some similar money trees or leprechauns, too! Or did Mom make her daughter take our additional student loans in the daughter's name (to pay for Mom's 1/3 of the bills)? Or is there something else going on?
And, I am assuming that the tuition & fees, dormitory bills, book costs, etc. etc. for second semester will be due next month (unless, some of those costs were paid on a yearly basis).
Please update when you have more information to post.
I read it as she started college in September. She paid 7k for tuition in September. A friend of her mom's cosigned for a loan for that amount. I guess after the scholarships and grants that's what they need to pay.....though that part is unclear.
I totally agree Kibbiekat. My daughter is a big part of my life. I don't think the courts need to dictate how I help her pay for college nor do I think the court system should be involved however her Mother thinks otherwise and wants it forced payment.
Don't you have a lawyer to consult on this, rather than ill-informed strangers on the internet? It's not clear from your post if the court already ordered you to pay, or if you simply received a demand from the lawyer. If the latter, you could have your lawyer fire a letter back saying you intend to pay on your own plan, your own terms.
I wonder if she's really beat the bushes for all the available financial aid. Those private schools tend to have a lot of support to give, and in addition, they have federal programs, like work-study. Has she really taken all the opportunities she qualifies for?
The offensive thing about it is that they did not consult you about the plans. They sued you with no warning. That is not playing fair.
Your daughter is an adult. Maybe not in Indiana, but she should be responsible for her actions. She was aware of the situation and she didn't pick up the phone and call Dad.
I think you are being extremely nice about the whole situation. I would fight it and petition the court for emancipation. This is not because you don't want to help your daughter, but you don't want to be court ordered to do the right thing.
The right thing is not to go to a school that you cannot afford. If she is getting loans, then she will have to pay them back and that isn't necessarily a good choice. There could be special scholarships at that school that make it a better choice then it appears. You would have to crunch the numbers. You should be included in the decision making process.
When my daughter went to college, we had a college fund and resources, but we did it in the most reasonable and affordable way. That way did not hurt her future. She did not need to take out any loans on her own to finish school. Now she is getting her Masters, but she is paying for that herself, and she did take out loans, but she is working full time, and it isn't more then she can handle.
My question is, where is the college fund? Was this a big surprise that came along unexpectedly? Since there was no preparation, then why is it the expensive school?
I think it is the right thing to help your daughter get through school, but not to be blackmailed into it. That is the dirty deal. They had to file the petition before her 19th birthday, but they could have made a courtesy call. Not your ex, but your daughter should show some respect.
I read it as she started college in September. She paid 7k for tuition in September. A friend of her mom's cosigned for a loan for that amount. I guess after the scholarships and grants that's what they need to pay.....though that part is unclear.
Well, the OP said that the tuition alone at the college was $28,000 a year, and of course there are fees & textbooks and dormitory & food costs. We don't know what the costs are for her college but I just checked the fees for the public University in my state, $1,200 for books & supplies, $8,100 for dormitory fees, $2,800 for board, and $3,000 for various other fees & costs. If the additional costs were similar at that private college that would be a total just over $43,000 a year.
Hmmm, 1/3 of $43,000 is just over $14,000 ($7,000 a semester). So, I guess that Mom can just find a friend to co-sign a $7,000 loan for her every semester. So, it may not be as bad as I originally thought (until someone has to pay back the loans).
However, those figures do not include things like clothes, makeup, personal needs, recreation, etc. etc. for the daughter. I wonder if Dad will be on the hook for 1/3 of those costs, too?
The saddest part of this story is that Dad was not a part of the decision making process of what colleges DD should apply to keeping with what both parents can afford to contribute.
Last edited by germaine2626; 12-08-2016 at 10:33 PM..
The right thing to do is not allow your child to be pulled into a financial quagmire of a situation to attend an expensive out of state school if it doesn't make financial sense for anyone, as it seems here. That applies for intact, and divorced families alike.
Regardless, I believe the OP has consulted a lawyer, so he really doesn't need our advice now
Don't you have a lawyer to consult on this, rather than ill-informed strangers on the internet? It's not clear from your post if the court already ordered you to pay, or if you simply received a demand from the lawyer. If the latter, you could have your lawyer fire a letter back saying you intend to pay on your own plan, your own terms.
I wonder if she's really beat the bushes for all the available financial aid. Those private schools tend to have a lot of support to give, and in addition, they have federal programs, like work-study. Has she really taken all the opportunities she qualifies for?
LOL @ the idea of not kicking something in for your kid's college education.
My ex tried to pull this. He actually called the high school my son was attending to find out when he (my son) would be turning 19 so he could stop the child support payments. The principal called me and let me know what was up. And the fact that he had to check his own son's age with the school ought to tell you something right there.
In 15 years I had never had the child support updated and my ex made 6 figures, the child support was based on about a third of his current salary. So I went ahead and had it updated after all as I clearly could not trust the man to help get his son through college. He actually suggested that my son should have to work his way through college the way I did 40 years ago - which isn't even remotely possible nowadays (when my son was gearing up for college it would take 16 weeks of a half-time minimum wage job just to cover 10 weeks worth of tuition, where it took 6 weeks of a half-time minimum wage job to cover 10 weeks of tuition when I went to college in the 70s). Plus, as the man well knew, it darned near killed me getting through and took an extra 2 years for me to graduate.
This would have been about 12 years ago, and at that time MO allowed for continuing child support and paying for tuition and other college expenses as long as a child was still in college, up to age 23 I think.
My ex made the same feeble noises you are making - "I'll pay it on my OWN, but I don't want to have a legal agreement that I would be held to."
If you're going to pay it anyway, there's no reasonable objection to paying it when its court ordered. The ONLY reason to gripe about court ordered child support is so that you can avoid paying it or hold it over your ex/child's head to control them.
So I got INCREASED child support AND a legally binding agreement that my ex would have to cover tuition and dorm expenses. AND I gave half the child support directly to my son, and put the other half in a bank account until he graduated.
My son did work while in college, but he didn't HAVE to to survive. Wages paid his car insurance and maintenance and a few fun things. In his 3rd year he moved out of the dorm and into a shared apartment, which he paid for himself - the ex was required to pay dorm expenses, not "regular" housing. And I had the lawyer put that in there (to pay the dorm expenses) because my ex INSISTED he wanted my son to live in the dorms, which is really expensive. So since he insisted, he paid.
No way would I even consider putting any child of mine through the he** that was "working your way through college". ESPECIALLY given that it is so much harder to do today. My ex could afford to cover college expenses in full even if my son HADN'T had scholarships and grants to help, but he could not be trusted to pay up on his own. You sound just exactly the same.
Well, the OP said that the tuition alone at the college was $28,000 a year, and of course there are fees & textbooks and dormitory & food costs. We don't know what the costs are for her college but I just checked the fees for the public University in my state, $1,200 for books & supplies, $8,100 for dormitory fees, $2,800 for board, and $3,000 for various other fees & costs. If the additional costs were similar at that private college that would be a total just over $43,000 a year.
Hmmm, 1/3 of $43,000 is just over $14,000 ($7,000 a semester). So, I guess that Mom can just find a friend to co-sign a $7,000 loan for her every semester. So, it may not be as bad as I originally thought (until someone has to pay back the loans).
However, those figures do not include things like clothes, makeup, personal needs, recreation, etc. etc. for the daughter. I wonder if Dad will be on the hook for 1/3 of those costs, too?
The saddest part of this story is that Dad was not a part of the decision making process of what colleges DD should apply to keeping with what both parents can afford to contribute.
What people don't realize is that sometimes going to a private school can be cheaper than going to a public school. The total cost of attendance per year at IU now is $24,808 for in-state and Purdue is $23,032 so $14,000 in loans per year for out of state is really not that bad if she was able to get scholarships and grants for the rest. That still might be cheaper than going to an in-state school would have been if the academic program she was interested in wasn't at a school located nearby.
Unfortunately you don't really know what financial packages a school will offer until they're actually offered. I don't think that Dad really needs to be part of the decision-making process since I'm not really sure it would have been that much cheaper in another situation. Room and board and fees at an Indiana school is still around $14,000 a year. I don't think Indiana has an expansive scholarship scholarship program as some other states like FL do where most can at least qualify for a good percentage of the tuition payment to an in-state school.
LOL @ the idea of not kicking something in for your kid's college education.
My ex tried to pull this.
Im sorry you had so many difficulties with your ex husband and your sons college tuition. But perhaps you're letting your past experiences influence your opinion because the OP said the exact opposite of not "kicking in something" he's also said that not only does he pay his child support, but that he went to court and asked them to start the child support. This situation is nothing yours.
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