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Oh my god, I really just can't believe some of these responses. I will agree that maybe wife needs to back off and/or maybe there is a good reason for not wanting her to babysit - but we did and my kids do things with their aunties and uncles all the time by themselves! I always cherished those times, and I think my kids do too. We'd go see Disney movies (and to the poster who said almost all movies are PG/13, no - there's a wealth of animated movies appropriate for young children. 3 might be too young to sit still though). we'd go play golf, go have a picnic, etc. And it's wrong for a "new wife," an aunt, or mother in law, or family friend for that matter, to help get the kids food on their plates?? sheesh! Wow, these responses are like a foreign planet and time to me. Maybe it's the way I grew up - family was everywhere, and that included lots of watching kids, lots of new wives/girlfriends around, etc. It takes a village, you know
Animated Disney movies for the past two years:
"Moana" rated PG
"Finding Dory" rated PG
"Zootopia" rated PG
"The Good Dinosaur" rated PG
"Inside Out" rated PG
"Big Hero 6" rated PG
Even "Frozen", the Minions, and SpongeBob are rated PG.
Animated movies are different than when you grew up.
Animated Disney movies for the past two years:
"Moana" rated PG
"Finding Dory" rated PG
"Zootopia" rated PG
"The Good Dinosaur" rated PG
"Inside Out" rated PG
"Big Hero 6" rated PG
Even "Frozen", the Minions, and SpongeBob are rated PG.
Animated movies are different than when you grew up.
A PG rating doesn't mean the movie isn't appropriate for children. I've taken my nephew to see each of those movies. He turned 5 over the summer, so he was 3 or 4 when we saw most of those movies.
A PG rating doesn't mean the movie isn't appropriate for children. I've taken my nephew to see each of those movies. He turned 5 over the summer, so he was 3 or 4 when we saw most of those movies.
PG means Parental Guidance suggested for young viewers. It should be up to the PARENTS to decide if the movie is appropriate for their young children. I've taken my older children to see theses movies too and each time have seen children (4ish to 7ish) crying at some scenes. The PARENTS know children best and get to decide if the movie is appropriate. Not all parents care though, thus the crying little ones. The SIL in this thread seems to care.
Oh my god, I really just can't believe some of these responses. I will agree that maybe wife needs to back off and/or maybe there is a good reason for not wanting her to babysit - but we did and my kids do things with their aunties and uncles all the time by themselves! I always cherished those times, and I think my kids do too. We'd go see Disney movies (and to the poster who said almost all movies are PG/13, no - there's a wealth of animated movies appropriate for young children. 3 might be too young to sit still though). we'd go play golf, go have a picnic, etc. And it's wrong for a "new wife," an aunt, or mother in law, or family friend for that matter, to help get the kids food on their plates?? sheesh! Wow, these responses are like a foreign planet and time to me. Maybe it's the way I grew up - family was everywhere, and that included lots of watching kids, lots of new wives/girlfriends around, etc. It takes a village, you know
You were probably a close family to start with, not the new wife of your husband's brother. It's different when it comes naturally. It sounds like this woman is forcing it.
After a bad divorce a few years ago, I met a really great woman who has 4 adult children of her own from a previous marriage. She really loves kids and is an excellent mother. She brings their kids presents when we visit and always makes it a point to talk to them and sit with them. She even helps get their plates ready and does so much to help out. She totally understands what it is like to have young children. Every time she asks my brothers wife when she can have their kids over to our house for either a sleep over or go to take them somewhere (like a playground, movie, etc) the excuse is she has to ask her husband and ultimately the answer is always pushed off and not really answered. At a recent family gathering she asks my sister in front of her husband (my brother) and he didn't seem to mind but she chimes in and stated that they have plans the few days that my wife suggested. She then excused himself from the table and my wife felt very offended but left it at that. The rest of the time was fine, but whenever the conversation shifts to the kids, my brothers wife gets very uncomfortable (you can see it on her face). My wife is an excellent caregiver and has so much experience with children. She just wants their children to be comfortable with her because she really misses when her kids were that age, and after all they are her nieces and nephew. Now that the holiday season is here, my wife wants to take the kids Christmas shopping at the mall and to see Santa. I am not sure the correct way for us to approach them in regards to this. I asked my brother awhile back if there was a problem between his wife and my wife and he said he didn't think so. My wife really wants to call her and point blank ask if she just doesn't trust her or what the deal is. My wife is very trustworthy and it really irks her that there is this doubt cast upon her. Any advice would be appreciated.
You SIL is quite possibly a control freak and paranoid about her kids...trust me, I've met the type.
(If you've ever watched "Malcom in the middle" they're basically like Stevie's parents.)
Could be other reasons as well. *shrug*
Let it go and I wouldn't take it personally.
If you REALLY need to know then ask you brother in law what the deal is on the side.
P.S. I've seen people "appalled" that my kids would rough-house with each other. Different parenting styles. *shrug*
Oh my god, I really just can't believe some of these responses. I will agree that maybe wife needs to back off and/or maybe there is a good reason for not wanting her to babysit - but we did and my kids do things with their aunties and uncles all the time by themselves! I always cherished those times, and I think my kids do too. We'd go see Disney movies (and to the poster who said almost all movies are PG/13, no - there's a wealth of animated movies appropriate for young children. 3 might be too young to sit still though). we'd go play golf, go have a picnic, etc. And it's wrong for a "new wife," an aunt, or mother in law, or family friend for that matter, to help get the kids food on their plates?? sheesh! Wow, these responses are like a foreign planet and time to me. Maybe it's the way I grew up - family was everywhere, and that included lots of watching kids, lots of new wives/girlfriends around, etc. It takes a village, you know
Of course, families are different. But , think back to your childhood, I would bet that you spent a lot more 1 to 1 time with your aunts who were the siblings of your Mom & Dad and not the "lots of new wives/girlfriends". And, I bet that you would feel more comfortable if your preschooler/young elementary children had a sleepover/spent time alone with your sister who you knew your whole life than your husband's brothers new wife.
But, as with most/all threads on CD. There is probably a lot more to the story that we don't know about. And, it does seem like the new wife is really, really pressing the issue for only inviting the children and not inviting the whole family. If she wants to know the children that badly why not invite the parents and children to do activities. To me focusing only on the children sends up a red flag.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat
You were probably a close family to start with, not the new wife of your husband's brother. It's different when it comes naturally. It sounds like this woman is forcing it.
Oh my god, I really just can't believe some of these responses. I will agree that maybe wife needs to back off and/or maybe there is a good reason for not wanting her to babysit - but we did and my kids do things with their aunties and uncles all the time by themselves! I always cherished those times, and I think my kids do too. We'd go see Disney movies (and to the poster who said almost all movies are PG/13, no - there's a wealth of animated movies appropriate for young children. 3 might be too young to sit still though). we'd go play golf, go have a picnic, etc. And it's wrong for a "new wife," an aunt, or mother in law, or family friend for that matter, to help get the kids food on their plates?? sheesh! Wow, these responses are like a foreign planet and time to me. Maybe it's the way I grew up - family was everywhere, and that included lots of watching kids, lots of new wives/girlfriends around, etc. It takes a village, you know
Based on what I've read, I'm on your side, original poster. I think the sister-in-law is being a selfish jerk.
Let me address a few points I have read.
"They don't owe you an explanation" or "take a hint." Bologney. To people who like to do hints, I say this--open your mouth already. Spell it out. I actually will deliberately not take a hint even when I understand it because to me there is this principle of simply SPELLING IT OUT ALREADY. I don't do "hints," they're for people who are too lazy and silly to simply open their mouth and use the tongue God gave them and the English language they were supposed to learn in grade school.
I'm doing that right now in fact with a similar issue. My daughter has befriended someone in her school, they just adore each other, and her friend is always talking about "I'd love to have you over sometime" and my daughter says the same time. I'd love to accommodate them, but her mother doesn't seem to share the same interest, always whining about being "too busy" or flat-out ignoring my text messages (which simply say, about every 2-3 weeks, "anytime OK for you that our 2 daughters can have some play time?") I continue to text this person and unless a restraining order develops or she flat-out spells it out I will continue to text this person and at some point I might even text "if you don't want me texting you anymore you can just say so, it's not hard to do and I'd totally comply if that's what you want."
To me (1) she's being lazy in not spelling out what her issues is and I am under no obligation to "take a hint" none whatsoever and (2) she's being selfish in letting herself be so "busy" that she can't make room for her daughter and our daughter to be able to enjoy each other (by the way, I've also said that her daughter is welcome at our house, so as to be fair, it's not like I'm expecting her to always take on our child in her home). I have never accepted the "busy" excuse, I've found that we tend to have plenty of time for what we value, we're never too "busy" for that.
Second, I totally agree with you about the "extended family" ideals you have. I totally understand that a parent is the main person in a child's life, and I totally agree about others not undermining a parent's authority in terms of how a child is raised, disciplined etc. HOWEVER, and I say this as a person who has a 7 and 9 year old and hates anyone undermining me, I ALSO understand that I and my wife their mother are not EVERYTHING, and to try and be such is in fact unhealthy. Kids make friends at school. They have a grandparent who does special things for them, an aunt who shares an interest with the child that the parents don't, and a given amount of time with such people, so long as those people don't forget that they're not the actual parents and take things too far, is a good thing.
I remember well growing up the cousins and uncles and friends who meant so much to me, and how much I wanted to be around them when I could be. My mother has spoken of times that maybe she didn't feel like going to XYZ's house or going through the hassle of dropping me off and picking me up again later but she did so, she sacrificed vs being seflish and all about herself, because she realized how much it meant to me. (Hint, hint, person who is too "busy" to make arrangements for our 2 daughters to play together because you're too "busy," you're being selfish.)
So here's my thing--your sister in law (I take the "spell it out" edict so seriously I refuse to use that ridiculous acronym, I mean I'm not a 15 year old texting my "BFF" here), based on what I have read, she is being selfish. She is caring more about her own feelings of whatever (insecurity, control) or her personal convenience of not wanting to deal with the aggravations of transportation etc than how her children could have their lives enriched by exposure to other members of the family, and frankly I'd be all in favor of someone flat-out telling her so.
You know what else? Your sister-in-law will in some way want some favor or act of help from you, since you know you're part of the family, and I would fully support you if you said "well since I'm apparently not really part of the family, based on your current distrust of me with respect to your children, I'm afraid I won't be able to help you." I mean, it's only fair, if you're not trusted enough or family enough to be a mentor to her children (one who doesn't undermine her otherwise, I understand), well why should it be any different with anything where it benefits your sister-in-law?
Original poster, I completely agree with your. Your sister-in-law is a selfish jerk.
If SIL or anyone was so obsessed with having alone time with my son (when he was young) it would make me nervous to the point there might bee no contact at all.
This ^^ and with me if there were anymore pushing, it could get downright ugly with me . People in this world are strange . I have 6 kids but only my last almost 16 year old is still at home and she goes NOWHERE except to birthday parties and kids houses that we have known forever. Plus at her age she now mainly goes out with friends in the afternoons on weekends .No adults involved .
No way would I let my 3 year old out of sight , 5 or 7 or whatever at those ages .
I wouldn't complain about not watching someone's kids. You may get stuck more than you wanted. Just leave it alone....
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