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I had to break it to my son that Santa Claus isn't real. I felt like he's getting to old for that stuff.
My wife was pretty upset with me, but I didn't want my son to be the only 3 year old in his daycare to still believe in a lie.
Why was she upset, didn't you guys discuss it before you told your son? That would make you a jerk, I'd be furious at my wife if she did something like that before we agreed to it first.
Also, my son is three years old and I really doubt anyone in his daycare suspects Santa is fake, this is in fact the first year he's old enough to even understand what Santa is supposed to be.
Here is an idea, what if we never lied to them in the first place? Since lies like this eventually lead to bigger lies such and the inability to deal with reality, and since lying is morally wrong and everyone agrees with that, why not avoid consciously choosing to lie to children in the first place? "Oh but they need to be children for as long as possible". Being a child, and being innocent, has nothing to do with LYING TO THEM. You can be innocent and honest and sweet and dear, WITHOUT LIES!
My mom always said "you have to believe to receive." I guess I was a pretty convincing liar about it because when I got pregnant she actually pulled me aside to have the "santa isn't real" talk. HAHAHA.
My 6yo is skeptical but I plan to let him believe as long as we possibly can. Christmas is so much more fun when you're a little kid who believes in the magic. I remember those times fondly and I don't hold it against my parents for lying to me.
My mom always said "you have to believe to receive." I guess I was a pretty convincing liar about it because when I got pregnant she actually pulled me aside to have the "santa isn't real" talk. HAHAHA.
My 6yo is skeptical but I plan to let him believe as long as we possibly can. Christmas is so much more fun when you're a little kid who believes in the magic. I remember those times fondly and I don't hold it against my parents for lying to me.
The magic lies in human love and virtue. It's hard to accept, because the lying has become so universal, but we don't need to lie to kids to give them true magic. In fact, true magic is BETTER than the lies, and would have more of a permanent effect that could benefit a child as he grows to become an adult.
One reason we associate adulthood with cynicism, is that the lies ALWAYS have to revealed, sooner or later. And then you have the sad reality of a once-innocent child facing uncertainty and dismay. For no reason. And we do this intentionally. When the true magic, and the only magic that is real, is parental love and teaching.
The world would be a truer and better place if we did not intentionally lie to our kids in the misguided attempt to retain false innocence. Innocence that is better achieved through love and education and competence, rather than mysticism and fantasy.
And fantasies are not "much more fun" than reality. If they are, then a parent is off track and not providing the child with an appreciation and awe for the magnificence of reality.
We don't need fantasies. Reality is more fantastic.
Anyway, I favor elimination of the silliness of Santa Claus because one: it is not true, two: it intentionally creates cynicism and negativity later when multiple sources discredit the lie and the child is left wondering why his parents can't be trusted, and three: the lie is not necessary. We live in a fantastic and infinitely magic world in reality, and that is BETTER than the fantasy itself, which is really quite a stupid fantasy if you look at it with any modicum of common sense.
If you already have kids and lied to them, the damage is done. But if you are about to bring new life into this amazing world, consider that honesty is a cardinal virtue, and SHOULD NOT BE COMPROMISED AT ANY AGE.
Last edited by Marc Paolella; 12-20-2016 at 09:26 AM..
My 3 year old son just said "Santa isn't real dad, you bring me the presents." when I told him he has to be good or Santa won't bring him presents. No clue where he got this from!
My 3 year old son just said "Santa isn't real dad, you bring me the presents." when I told him he has to be good or Santa won't bring him presents. No clue where he got this from!
And that's interesting too. In the Internet age and beyond, the lie, which used to be maintainable through Kindergarten or so, is now defunct as soon as they can access YouTube.
It's really bad to lie to kids. We shouldn't do it. Kids that receive lies will become liars themselves with much greater ease. I think we see that in life, don't we?
May I also propose elimination of the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy? If Santa was the only lie, it would be bad enough. But a package of them, applied consistently, actually ruins the innocence of a child by making it easy and acceptable to become a lying toddler, a lying tween, a lying teen, and eventually a lying adult. I mean why not? My parents are happily and gleefully lying and smiling and having a good old time. So lying must be cool. I'll start with a white lie: I already brushed my teeth. And that's how a bad adult is born.
And that's interesting too. In the Internet age and beyond, the lie, which used to be maintainable through Kindergarten or so, is now defunct as soon as they can access YouTube.
It's really bad to lie to kids. We shouldn't do it. Kids that receive lies will become liars themselves with much greater ease. I think we see that in life, don't we?
May I also propose elimination of the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy? If Santa was the only lie, it would be bad enough. But a package of them, applied consistently, actually ruins the innocence of a child by making it easy and acceptable to become a lying toddler, a lying tween, a lying teen, and eventually a lying adult. I mean why not? My parents are happily and gleefully lying and smiling and having a good old time. So lying must be cool. I'll start with a white lie: I already brushed my teeth. And that's how a bad adult is born.
Yeah totally, telling kids about Santa will totally turn them into corrupt liars.
I'd like to believe children are smart enough to understand that a moral compass is complex and life is all about scales of gray and not just black or white.
Santa was only part of the magic that was a great part of my childhood. I doubt I was ever really taken in by the Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy (well, maybe a little bit by that last one) but my parents seemed so happy pretending that they existed that who was I to tell them they were being silly or encouraging a 'lie'? And fairy tales - read to me at bedtime, given to me at Christmas in the form of books by very famous 'story tellers' (the brothers Grimm, etc.) were a big part of my upbringing. I am so glad I had fiction in my life - but, according to some, all that was one big lie too? .. one that must have scarred me for life?
Tell me, those of you who don't want to 'lie' to your children about Santa, do you also withhold ALL story books, all fairy tales, all Halloween and costume box 'let's pretend' costumes, and stop them flat when they use their imaginations as they play? How the heck is Santa any different than any other beloved childhood 'characters' who obviously to any adult are not 'real' - if indeed you think he is?
At least Santa has a wonderful message that accompanies him around the world on his sleigh .. that of 'giving'. Perhaps you are just attacking the wrong end of his 'story' - the receiving part - when you insist that Santa is a 'lie' (rather than using that good message to teach?). I am not sure how one teaches about giving unless one also associates it with receiving. And there is also of course associating the giving side of Santa with that of the magi - even if you are not religious or believe that 'story' is true, it is still a 'story' - how do you present that to your kids ... by telling them they can't know about that (which means that, regardless of personal beliefs, you are telling them that they also can't ever learn about what so many others believe, limiting their worlds immensely in my estimation) because it is a 'lie'?
I just wonder (not criticizing .. I just genuinely don't quite understand all your logic here) how you can call Santa a 'lie' if you ever allow imaginative play, if you ever read or give your children story books about fictional characters, if you have ever encouraged your kids to dress up in a Halloween costume or 'pretend' to be someone other than who they really are .. even for a few moments.
(p.s. It also seems to me that being able to pretend is a great way to learn about 'empathy'.)
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