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One man told me his parents put him in music lessons and advanced placement courses in high school, which he felt made him a "bully magnet" (his words that he expressed about his own experience). He was also not involved in sports.) There's nothing wrong with music lessons in itself but are there things parents can do to avoid their child getting bullied by others about some aspect of their life or personal interests? I had a guy friend in high school who liked ballroom dancing and got bullied because of it. Another guy that I know (takes dance with my daughter) is teased because he's into ballet. He isn't bullied but he just doesn't care for the ridicule that goes along with his interest in dance. I want my own son to pursue his interests regardless of what others think but I also want to protect him from the effects of ridicule.
When were these men in high school? Times are changing. I went to a performing arts middle and high school. I was a dance major. There were a handful of male students in the program. They weren't bulled. And the award-winning show choir? A lot of "jocks" were part of this elite group. They were a big deal at my school. Creative and performing arts were not mock worthy, and this was late 90s to early 2000s.
My son hasn't expressed a serious interest in dance yet, but if he did we'd absolutely encourage lessons. He, along with his sisters, train in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, too. I think taking dance lessons would be cool.
Put your son in marital arts along with dance/art/music. Problem solved. My son is in piano and tae kwon do, and I will probably get him some drawing lessons soon as he seems to have a knack for it.
I've never seen anyone try to bully an accomplished black belt. Lol.
It's natural to want to shield your child from ridicule.
It's hard to imagine the kind of bullying you're describing, though. Are you located in a high-achieving school district? At our school a majority of kids are in AP or honors classes, so that kind of bullying your friend experienced wouldn't happen there.
Many kids are musical, but we are located just outside Nashville so that's not unusual. I don't understand why kids would be bullied for taking music lessons.
Some things that can help protect your child from the effects of bullying are 1) a strong sense of self, which has to be cultivated from day 1, 2) a "tribe" of friends and acquaintances who like the same things you do.
Really, you never know when your child will encounter one random jerk that makes his life hell for a little while, but for the most part, unless he really is the odd duck in a flock of a-hole swans, he should be OK.
Men's chorus, orchestra and the drama guys got plenty of love when my kids was in high school a decade ago. Those guys also had more going on in their lives than most and weren't much concerned with what anyone else was saying or doing, they were in their own world.
When were these men in high school? Times are changing. I went to a performing arts middle and high school. I was a dance major. There were a handful of male students in the program. They weren't bulled. And the award-winning show choir? A lot of "jocks" were part of this elite group. They were a big deal at my school. Creative and performing arts were not mock worthy, and this was late 90s to early 2000s.
My son hasn't expressed a serious interest in dance yet, but if he did we'd absolutely encourage lessons. He, along with his sisters, train in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, too. I think taking dance lessons would be cool.
Arts were required at my kids' middle and high schools. Being involved in the arts does not lead to ridicule when everybody does them, in fact, if you do them well, you are generally admired.
And mocked for AP classes? Not in my experience, but even if it were true, so what? We all know which students will be more successful in the long run.
When were these men in high school? Times are changing. I went to a performing arts middle and high school. I was a dance major. There were a handful of male students in the program. They weren't bulled. And the award-winning show choir? A lot of "jocks" were part of this elite group. They were a big deal at my school. Creative and performing arts were not mock worthy, and this was late 90s to early 2000s.
My son hasn't expressed a serious interest in dance yet, but if he did we'd absolutely encourage lessons. He, along with his sisters, train in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, too. I think taking dance lessons would be cool.
OK, one of these men grew up in the 60s, another one in the 70s, but one is a teenager now. He is the one who isn't bullied, just teased about being a ballet dancer. I'd like to get my son into ballet but don't want it to cause him social problems. What another poster suggested above about martial arts would also be something I might consider getting him into.
It's natural to want to shield your child from ridicule.
It's hard to imagine the kind of bullying you're describing, though. Are you located in a high-achieving school district? At our school a majority of kids are in AP or honors classes, so that kind of bullying your friend experienced wouldn't happen there.
One of these men was tall, skinny (not strong) and got beat up quite often because he played musical instruments and was in AP classes. It could be the area where he grew up. He talks about it quite often so it still affects him. When I was in high school in the 1980s, if a guy wasn't on the football team (ideally) or some other sports team, his social prospects were quite limited. I live in an area where football is everything and football players are worshipped (often undeservedly, but that's how it is).
So I suppose what I'm really trying to learn more about is how and why boys get bullied. But I decided not to put the word "bully" in the title of this post because it often attracts posters who are bullies themselves, who will come onto a thread and say that it's the victim's fault that he gets attacked or harassed.
Don't worry about the teasing. It's gonna happen regardless of what activities your child chooses to follow. The true trick is to teach them how to deal with it and not let it hamper them following what they want to. Shielding your child from things like teasing hinders their social development. Kids are mean and seem to only be getting meaner. Teach your son to be strong and stand up to bullying or just to ignore the ranting of some insecure child who needs to be mean to feel better about themselves.
I have two sons who recently graduated from a large, public high school. One was more of a jock and the other is tall and skinny and artsy.
Neither one experienced bullying, per se, but we all knew the artsy one was not really in his element in high school. They both did well in class and had their own friend groups. They both would talk repeatedly, however, about the many times bullying is addressed during the school year and how it was getting tedious that the school held SO many anti-bullying seminars/special days/events etc. Our local school district even began this successful "Be Nice" campaign that sort of went viral.
Having said that, they acknowledged that while no one is openly beating up the skinny kid and stealing his lunch money like they portray in movies, bullying by exclusion is more common.
It's just human nature. Some people will be nicer than others. There is no universal "bully" antidote because you never know who will do it and when it will happen. With exclusion, a child may not even realize they are being shunned and will try to adapt themselves to fit in to a group they admire, which can lead to emotional development issues.
The high school years are a time when teens begin to emotionally separate themselves from their parents, and in doing so they seek out other sources of emotional support. In order to find that, many kids may work to make themselves as much like the other kids as possible. That's why kids who "dare to be different" can stand out as targets.
It's also why you don't usually see a lot of people blossom or come into their own until they are older, because it takes courage to do that and not rely on approval from the crowd. That's why I believe that fostering a strong sense of self in your child while also making him a kind, considerate person is the best way to get along.
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