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How long has he been taking antidepressants? Before you do ANYTHING that is irreversible, I would suggest taking a few months off, being with your son AWAY from the present environment. Get him away from any/all influences that he currently has, get him to a new, comfortable environment. And just be with him. Talk. Discuss. Be out in nature. Exercise/walk every day, hours. Hike, swim, move. Avoid electronics and the news. You need to be with HIM and HIS OWN WORDS, not influenced by anything.
Ask him where he sees himself in 10, 20, 30, 40 years. Does he want to have kids? get married? be single? Does he want to be subjected to medication for the REST OF HIS LIFE? Does he want surgery? Explain what that means. How will he support himself? Where will he live?
Someone mentioned PFLAG. They will support his choice to transgender. They will NOT look at any other possibilities. Go there if and only if he decides he MUST do this.
I know I will get flamed but I really don't care.
This is the type of thing that he needs to be 1,000% sure before you start anything. So get him where it is JUST HIM making his OWN DECISIONS without influence from peers. His peers are cheering him on. No one is telling him, no.
40% of transgenders commit suicide before the age of 30; most are depressed. This is not something to take lightly. Some go through the surgery and are miserable and wish that they had never done it. They are not happy people in general, they are always having difficulties with who they are. They want to be this but never look the part, even to themselves when they look in the mirror. They can never quite make it work. They are constantly explaining who they are to everyone they meet. Every. Single. Day. It takes its toll on them mentally.
Please consider what I have written. Please. You need to spend time with him NOW.
How long has he been taking antidepressants? Before you do ANYTHING that is irreversible, I would suggest taking a few months off, being with your son AWAY from the present environment. Get him away from any/all influences that he currently has, get him to a new, comfortable environment. And just be with him. Talk. Discuss. Be out in nature. Exercise/walk every day, hours. Hike, swim, move. Avoid electronics and the news. You need to be with HIM and HIS OWN WORDS, not influenced by anything.
Ask him where he sees himself in 10, 20, 30, 40 years. Does he want to have kids? get married? be single? Does he want to be subjected to medication for the REST OF HIS LIFE? Does he want surgery? Explain what that means. How will he support himself? Where will he live?
Someone mentioned PFLAG. They will support his choice to transgender. They will NOT look at any other possibilities. Go there if and only if he decides he MUST do this.
I know I will get flamed but I really don't care.
This is the type of thing that he needs to be 1,000% sure before you start anything. So get him where it is JUST HIM making his OWN DECISIONS without influence from peers. His peers are cheering him on. No one is telling him, no.
40% of transgenders commit suicide before the age of 30; most are depressed. This is not something to take lightly. Some go through the surgery and are miserable and wish that they had never done it. They are not happy people in general, they are always having difficulties with who they are. They want to be this but never look the part, even to themselves when they look in the mirror. They can never quite make it work. They are constantly explaining who they are to everyone they meet. Every. Single. Day. It takes its toll on them mentally.
Please consider what I have written. Please. You need to spend time with him NOW.
OMG that is looking way too far in the future. Talk about overload. And making him MORE depressed on top of it.
One day at a time. Hormones are NOT a big deal. It's not like surgery. They can go off and all the effects go away too. One day at a time.
Just assure him you will love him no matter what, and mean it. I think it is okay to be honest that this is a surprise to you and that you will need time to process things and that it is okay to encourage him to be slow in the process of changing his gender expression and identity and waiting for anything permanent until he is an adult and has had time and maturity to be sure about his decisions that are irreversible.
OMG that is looking way too far in the future. Talk about overload. And making him MORE depressed on top of it.
One day at a time. Hormones are NOT a big deal. It's not like surgery. They can go off and all the effects go away too. One day at a time.
What...? He's not talking about his son changing the color of his hair, here.
OP, please listen to newtovenice's excellent advice.
This issue deserves to be treated as the very serious issue that it is, with a caring and loving mindset.
I am seeking the experience of parents who have just learned that there wSon or daughter has come out as a transgender. I am not at all asking for transgender individuals to tell me how I should feel. I just want to hear from the parents. My son has been suffering from depression and is taking medication for it currently. The other day he wrote some things online to his HS friends online that made them nervous, comments that made them think he was going to hurt himself. Next thing you know it, the cops were at my door because his entire social circle reacted quickly. I just came home from work and was fixing something to eat, when the men in blue showed up. Talk about being ambushed by surprise. So they talked to him and he convinced them that his comments where taken out of context. After they left.which was an eternity, I had a talk with my son who then told me he had something to tell me. I said that he and his friends (who are also all taking anti depressants) are wanting to become women. I was familiar with the term transsexual but not transgender. This is how he identifies right now. He says his stress lately was his anxiety about telling others, such as his parents. I have done my best to be close to my son..but I never saw this coming. My wife and I agree that we have not seen one clue. Says he has been this way for years. I don't know if I believe this to be honest, although I have no doubt he is legit about his feelings right now. I know that if this happened to me, I would need 100 percent understanding and support..and I am going to give him all the love he needs of course.
Here is the problem...my love and desire to see him happy is genuine, but my support is a facade. I don't want it to be, but much like HIS lie drove him to depression, my lie is sending me down a black hole. I lie to him..and I am very good at it, I was in sales for 27 years...I lie to my wife, and everyone around me about how this makes me feel. He now wants me to call him a girl name...and he wants me to pay for these blockers that stop puberty. The idea of changing my little boy have brought me to the point where I do overtime at work just so I don't have to come home and expend energy on a lie thats life draining to me. I am a Gen X. Everyone around me seems completely oblivious to what I think is a crises. Once again, I am not looking for transgender folks to comment on how I should feel. I am only seeking comments from parents.
There are two huge alarm bells that went off in my head as I was reading this. Before I get into that, I want to wish you and your family the best. You seem like a caring and concerned parent who only wants the best for your child.
Number One: You said that your son AND his friends are all taking anti-depressants!
Number Two: You said that your son AND his friends all want to become women!
Giving you the benefit of the doubt that your son may well be depressed and may well have gender dysphoria, I have a very, very hard time believing that all of his friends do as well.
I think the larger issue that is a concern to all parents is the ease in which anti-depressants and other such drugs are handed out to teenagers and even children.
I'm also going to be politically incorrect here and say that I think identifying as a transgender has become a bit of a fad or "trendy" now that it's been in the news with Caitlyn Jenner and also the bathroom controversies.
True gender dysphoria is rather rare and there have been an explosion of new cases all of a sudden.
Teenage brains are not fully developed yet, they are going through many changes and are finding their identities. They may THINK they identify as the opposite gender and that could change, like many of the other things they are feeling and learning about themselves.
As a fellow parent, I personally think paying for drugs to disrupt puberty would be a huge mistake. I am amazed that society allows this. It's a step there is no going back from and as I said, the teenage brain has not fully developed yet.
You also mentioned that you didn't want to hear from transgenders "telling you how you should feel" but that may be a good idea! I think it would be a good idea for your son too! Even if it's just online in a forum.. ask them what day to day life is like. What it's like to get and hold a job when background checks are done. ask what it's like to worry about "passing" because if you are in the wrong part of town, if you don't, you could become the victim of a hate crime. Ask what it's like to see relatives or friends who have known you since a child and have to relate to you a whole new way. Not trying to scare you but I anticipate your reluctance to deal with this and the fact that you say you have to lie to your family to support this means that you suspect it's not the optimistic or "cure-all" that your son and many people in our society seem to think it is either.
If your son or anyone else TRULY has gender dysphoria, I think the challenges would be acceptable, there would really be no choice. If they do not, I think this would be a wake up call that might get them closer to whatever the true issue is that is troubling them.
Last edited by voiceofreazon; 01-14-2017 at 07:03 PM..
There are two huge alarm bells that went off in my head as I was reading this. Before I get into that, I want to wish you and your family the best. You seem like a caring and concerned parent who only wants the best for your child.
Number One: You said that your son AND his friends are all taking anti-depressants!
Number Two: You said that your son AND his friends all want to become women!
Giving you the benefit of the doubt that your son may well be depressed and may well have gender dysphoria, I have a very, very hard time believing that all of his friends do as well.
I think the larger issue that is a concern to all parents is the ease in which anti-depressants and other such drugs are handed out to teenagers and even children.
I'm also going to be politically incorrect here and say that I think identifying as a transgender has become a bit of a fad or "trendy" now that it's been in the news with Caitlyn Jenner and also the bathroom controversies.
True gender dysphoria is rather rare and there have been an explosion of new cases all of a sudden.
Teenage brains are not fully developed yet, they are going through many changes and are finding their identities. They may THINK they identify as the opposite gender and that could change, like many of the other things they are feeling and learning about themselves.
As a fellow parent, I personally think paying for drugs to disrupt puberty would be a huge mistake. I am amazed that society allows this. It's a step there is no going back from and as I said, the teenage brain has not fully developed yet.
You also mentioned that you didn't want to hear from transgenders "telling you how you should feel" but that may be a good idea! I think it would be a good idea for your son too! Even if it's just online in a forum.. ask them what day to day life is like. What it's like to get and hold a job when background checks are done. ask what it's like to worry about "passing" because if you are in the wrong part of town, if you don't, you could become the victim of a hate crime. Ask what it's like to see relatives of friends who have known you since a child and have to relate to you a whole new way. Not trying to scare you but I anticipate your reluctance to deal with this and the fact that you say you have to lie to your family to support this means that you suspect it's not the optimistic or "cure-all" that your son and many people in our society seem to think it is either.
If your son or anyone else TRULY has gender dysphoria, I think the challenges would be acceptable. If they do not, I think this would be a wake up call that might get them closer to whatever the true issue is that is troubling them.
By all his friends I am sure that means an online group of TGs. He's not surrounded in school by TGs on anti-depressants.
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He's not talking about his son changing the color of his hair, here. 
