Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 01-15-2017, 04:39 PM
 
Location: here
24,873 posts, read 36,063,700 times
Reputation: 32726

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by worrieddad24 View Post
My son graduated from a UC school with a bachelor of science in bio. He was gone for 4 years, then now he moved back into the house. First year he graduated he wanted to take a "break" from school and began working a low end job, making 8 dollars per hour he now makes 20, but still not career. Me and his mom wanted to figure out his plan. Seems like all he does is make excuses. He originally wanted to be a dentist, but said the loan is way too high and is not worth it anymore, which would have him pull out 400-500k in student loans, says its not a good financial move. He is a very money focused person. I guess after that he doesn't know what he wants to do. He said he doesn't know what he wants to do so he just wants to take time off and pay down the loans. I would rather have him pull out the 400k loans so at least he has direction and a future in his life instead of us being constantly worried about him. He says he regrets listening to us and trying to go into medicine, saying he should have went computer science, accounting, or engineer in undergrad since all his friends got high paying jobs after graduation. But all I hear is excuses and regret. He needs to do something about it.


It has been about 3 years now since he graduated. He took some community college classes and applied to physician assistant school a year ago, but could not get in that cycle. I don't think he even wants to be a PA, he just doesn't want his science degree to go to waste and just wants to get started with his life. My question is how much longer is this going to take? The first 2 years I was pretty frustrated with him and last year or so I pretty much gave up on him. I am old school so I tell him just to apply to something like nursing so he can get a career job already. All his other cousins went straight to career jobs or graduate programs why can't he? He was the one that got into the best university compared to his other cousins too. He stopped talking to me about a year, with minimal contact, even though he still lives in my house. He pretty much was taking community college classes, goes to work, and then just goes straight to his room. He should be pretty much done paying off his loans soon. What should I do? Should I kick him out of the house once he pays off his loans, should I make him pay rent? He is 25 years old and needs to have his future together. What to do? Any advice I could give him?
I'm just re-reading this. It sounds to me like you somewhat forced him into a major he didn't want, and compare him to his peers, and now he is taking it out on you by cutting off contact. Have you tried talking to him lately? If his loans are almost paid off, it sounds like you are due for a conversation/re-negotiation. Tell him he was welcome to live with you, as part of the family, in order to attend grad school and pay off loans. If neither of those things is happening, he should plan on getting his own place. With a bio degree, he could work in a lab, or at a health dept. As Mattie said earlier, an MPH could help him.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-15-2017, 09:43 PM
 
Location: PNW, CPSouth, JacksonHole, Southampton
3,731 posts, read 5,731,904 times
Reputation: 15074
I don't see what's wrong. OP's son is making a LOT of money, considering his age and his degree. He's paying back his student loans. He's not doing drugs (I presume), and hasn't knocked-up some pathetic little sad-sack skank, who's going to "keep the baby" and ruin his life with her Golden Vajayjay routine (I presume). He isn't boozing, and going to strip clubs (I presume). He isn't throwing away money on tricked-out cars/trucks, or hunting gear (I presume), or Mountain Bike gear, or... He's focused on money, and is making realistic plans.

Student loans are a HORRIBLE IDEA. Why did he have to take them out, in the first place? Did OP have financial reversals? Is there an expensive illness in the family? Maybe it's just that I'm from the South, where you just don't HAVE kids, unless you're pretty sure you can afford private schools and (at the very least) basic college degrees for them.

The son seems to have distanced himself from nonconstructive sources of input. Sometimes, you have to do that, to survive.

The kid maybe needs to brush up on his soft skills. That means reaching an optimal level of physical fitness, finding the hairstyle and facial hair style (which may mean clean-shaven - or not), and building-up an impressive wardrobe (what constitutes "impressive" varies, according to the field, and the locale). He needs to listen to recordings of himself, and maybe deepen his voice, work on his vowel sounds, learn to enunciate... Maybe he should evaluate his interpersonal skills. However, considering that he ALREADY has a good job, I'm thinking his soft skills are fine.

And did I read (the wording was contradictory) that the son is currently taking junior college classes, on top of working full-time? Maybe those courses will help him get some sort of certification which will increase his income a bit?

To be honest (going from the Original Post), I don't see that ANYTHING is really wrong.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-15-2017, 09:54 PM
 
Location: here
24,873 posts, read 36,063,700 times
Reputation: 32726
Quote:
Originally Posted by GrandviewGloria View Post
I don't see what's wrong. OP's son is making a LOT of money, considering his age and his degree. He's paying back his student loans. He's not doing drugs (I presume), and hasn't knocked-up some pathetic little sad-sack skank, who's going to "keep the baby" and ruin his life with her Golden Vajayjay routine (I presume). He isn't boozing, and going to strip clubs (I presume). He isn't throwing away money on tricked-out cars/trucks, or hunting gear (I presume), or Mountain Bike gear, or... He's focused on money, and is making realistic plans.

Student loans are a HORRIBLE IDEA. Why did he have to take them out, in the first place? Did OP have financial reversals? Is there an expensive illness in the family? Maybe it's just that I'm from the South, where you just don't HAVE kids, unless you're pretty sure you can afford private schools and (at the very least) basic college degrees for them.

The son seems to have distanced himself from nonconstructive sources of input. Sometimes, you have to do that, to survive.

The kid maybe needs to brush up on his soft skills. That means reaching an optimal level of physical fitness, finding the hairstyle and facial hair style (which may mean clean-shaven - or not), and building-up an impressive wardrobe (what constitutes "impressive" varies, according to the field, and the locale). He needs to listen to recordings of himself, and maybe deepen his voice, work on his vowel sounds, learn to enunciate... Maybe he should evaluate his interpersonal skills. However, considering that he ALREADY has a good job, I'm thinking his soft skills are fine.

And did I read (the wording was contradictory) that the son is currently taking junior college classes, on top of working full-time? Maybe those courses will help him get some sort of certification which will increase his income a bit?

To be honest (going from the Original Post), I don't see that ANYTHING is really wrong.
I think it's wrong that he lives with his parent(s) and doesn't talk to them.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-15-2017, 10:07 PM
 
Location: NYC
20,550 posts, read 17,552,712 times
Reputation: 25616
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
He's making $40K a year at 25. That' not pathetic. If you want him out kick him out. If you don't mind him living in your house let him stay. But for goodness sake stop bothering him. It's ruining your relationship with him.
I was making $40k at 23, then next year it jumped to $56k for 2 years. Then I made it to $70k at 26. That was back in the 90s.

So, if kids are making $40k at 25, the economy does suck today compare to the 90s.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-15-2017, 10:31 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
15,479 posts, read 15,535,995 times
Reputation: 28462
Man, you need to chill. He has a job! He's not a bum. He has a degree. However, it's a degree that can't be used. He either needs to go onto graduate school which means a boatload of debt which he clearly doesn't want or find a way to get a job making money which he already has. Most people don't have a career for life at 25.

How isn't he motivated? He finished his degree. He has a decent job. Let's be honest, it's a job you don't approve of. You want him to go into debt a half MILLION dollars so he could be a dentist. He does NOT want to be in debt a HALF MILLION DOLLARS which is incredibly smart. He also does NOT want to be a dentist. That's what YOU want. This isn't your life. It's his! If you want him to move out or pay rent, then tell him. But otherwise back off.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-15-2017, 11:24 PM
 
4,862 posts, read 7,936,946 times
Reputation: 5763
$20hr is enough to move out. If not then The United States Air Force or The United States Navy are career options. Give it 4-6 years and get real world experience.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-15-2017, 11:27 PM
 
2,366 posts, read 2,629,269 times
Reputation: 1788
Your son is on the right path. Let him figure out the puzzle.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-16-2017, 12:50 AM
 
Location: Queens, NY
4,525 posts, read 3,389,401 times
Reputation: 6030
Quote:
Originally Posted by ss20ts View Post
Man, you need to chill. He has a job! He's not a bum. He has a degree. However, it's a degree that can't be used. He either needs to go onto graduate school which means a boatload of debt which he clearly doesn't want or find a way to get a job making money which he already has. Most people don't have a career for life at 25.

How isn't he motivated? He finished his degree. He has a decent job. Let's be honest, it's a job you don't approve of. You want him to go into debt a half MILLION dollars so he could be a dentist. He does NOT want to be in debt a HALF MILLION DOLLARS which is incredibly smart. He also does NOT want to be a dentist. That's what YOU want. This isn't your life. It's his! If you want him to move out or pay rent, then tell him. But otherwise back off.
Agreed!

OP, this isn't your life, it's your kid's. Seems like he's doing just fine.

$20/hr at 25 is freaking amazing. That's practically a full-time salary! How exactly is that not a career??

The way the OP described his kid, it's like he had no degree, no job, and no desire to do anything with his life. Clearly that isn't the case here.

If I was the OP's kid, I would be planning to move out as soon as possible. Save up for a few months or a year or so.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-16-2017, 07:19 AM
 
Location: TN/NC
34,878 posts, read 30,974,907 times
Reputation: 47215
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
He's making $40K a year at 25. That' not pathetic. If you want him out kick him out. If you don't mind him living in your house let him stay. But for goodness sake stop bothering him. It's ruining your relationship with him.
Agreed. I know OP is in California so the cost of living and wages are higher there, but it took me four years to make that after graduating college in Tennessee in 2010, and I had to move to two different Midwestern states to get above $50,000. Fortunately, I was able to bring my Midwestern salary back with me, but if something were to happen to my current job, I'm not sure I could even make $40,000 locally.

I would recommend for him to go back and get something in medical - not only will his wages likely be higher, but he'll also have greater job security and it will be more portable to different markets. Still, it's not like he's laying around doing nothing.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-16-2017, 09:31 AM
 
Location: here
24,873 posts, read 36,063,700 times
Reputation: 32726
I'm surprised how many posters have said "he's doing fine. Let him figure it out in his own time." He's living in his parents' house and barely speaking to them. Let him figure it out in his own time... in his own apartment.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top