Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Should parents generally try to support their children's interests, or should they try to steer them away from something if the parent doesn't like it for some reason? For example, if a child wants to be an artist but the parent wants him to focus on more practical things such as steering him more into mathematics courses if he has no serious interest in that?
What you might say that parents should do and what they actually do, are too often very different things. Too many parents try to thwart their children's ambitions and badger them into following different pathways. Sometimes, they just fail to provide recognition and encouragement for their children's dreams. If parents aren't willing or able to provide positive help for their children's ambitions, at least they should stand out of the way and not interfere. Some young people have to endure the worst of all these parental failings, stacked-up against them.
I had guidelines for my kids. Rule was:
Nothing that would bring shame to the family or create harm to humanity.
Since some folks encourage "military life" , I discouraged it. It fell under the "create harm to humanity".
Overall they were guided towards their passions and by golly, they get paid for it! One did journalism and proceeded to teach. He loves it!
My other is a software anime illustrator. Again, his talent , his desire .
Can't imagine being a parent supporting a young one who wants to join a gang or deal drugs, ....Do you say, gee I guess its a sales job....and you are protected with a gun...
be sensible in what you endorse....
This is my 12 year old's dream job. She's also expressed interest in computer animation and video game development. She's been into drawing and art since 4-5, and is a really good illustrator. Anime/manga and Japanese culture are her obsessions right now. We got her a lot of anime and art stuff for Christmas this past year. She's also a really good writer and will actually work with me on a screenplay I'm planning to write (it was her idea that came to mind during a class one day).
I really don't foresee her true interests changing. Art and writing are her main passions, but she also loves tech/computers, so combining the two? I think it's a great idea.
My 10 year old is all about animals, especially cats of all sorts of species. She's an animal person and said she wants to work at a humane society or animal shelter when she's old enough to work. I spoke with her about wildlife biology several months ago and since then she's even more interested. She's also expressed interest in geology.
Without reading the thread here is my opinion. Support their dreams but make sure they have something to fall back on. Insist on getting some type of degree or trade skill that can help support them.
We as parents all support our young children with exploring. If a kindergartener tell us they want to be an artist and they love art, we support them with that.
But later in life, we expect them to support themselves and we are not concerned about supporting them with exploring. If our 35 year old adult son, with a wife and 3 kids in tow, says he is going to quit his day job as an accountant to become a nature photographer, we as parents want to see the "business plan" or know how he is going to be able to provide for his wife and family. Few parents would support a grown man, with obligations, to leave a solid profession to pursue a pipe dream.
When does that turning point occur? It's different for all parents. Some it is junior high. Some high school. Some college. Some marriage. And some when children come into the picture.
But eventually, we expect our children to support themselves, their spouses, and the families that they create. At some point we are less concerned with them living their dreams and more concerned that they have food on the table, a roof over there head, and are taking care of their obligations in life, especially ones that they create themselves.
We as parents all support our young children with exploring. If a kindergartener tell us they want to be an artist and they love art, we support them with that.
But later in life, we expect them to support themselves and we are not concerned about supporting them with exploring. If our 35 year old adult son, with a wife and 3 kids in tow, says he is going to quit his day job as an accountant to become a nature photographer, we as parents want to see the "business plan" or know how he is going to be able to provide for his wife and family.
PARENTS want to see the "business plan" and know how he is going to support his wife and family??!!?? At 35??!!? That's nice dear, have fun is what a parent owes a "child" of that age. Then the man and his wife work out the details.
PARENTS want to see the "business plan" and know how he is going to support his wife and family??!!?? At 35??!!? That's nice dear, have fun is what a parent owes a "child" of that age. Then the man and his wife work out the details.
Lots of parents worry about their children's ability to take care of their grandchildren.
I think it is safe to say when grandchildren come into the picture, most parents are more concerned with their children's ability to provide than their children pursuing their passions, if the two are in conflict.
Last edited by twoincomes; 01-26-2017 at 10:42 AM..
Lots of parents worry about their children's ability to take care of their grandchildren.
I think it is safe to say when grandchildren come into the picture, most parents are more concerned with their children's ability to provide than their children pursuing their passions, if the two are in conflict.
I imagine that a parent may always worry about their progeny. If said parent is still helicoptering their kids at 35, then there was likely a failure to help them connect them with responsibility when they were younger. That ship has sailed. What the hell are they going to do when the helicopter parent croaks? God help that poor "kid".
I imagine that a parent may always worry about their progeny. If said parent is still helicoptering their kids at 35, then there was likely a failure to help them connect them with responsibility when they were younger. That ship has sailed. What the hell are they going to do when the helicopter parent croaks? God help that poor "kid".
If you read my post again, what I was trying to do is paint a picture that it really depends on what age we are talking about.
My intent was not to discuss those particular situations (they are extremes) but to highlight that as parents we switch at some point from encouraging our children to explore what is out there to expecting them to take care of themselves, and especially, any human beings that they create.
We all have different expectations of our children at various ages, so it is hard to discuss this concept in the abstract. Some might be thinking of 10 year old, some 18 year olds, and some of 35 year olds.
If you read my post again, what I was trying to do is paint a picture that it really depends on what age we are talking about.
My intent was not to discuss those particular situations (they are extremes) but to highlight that as parents we switch at some point from encouraging our children to explore what is out there to expecting them to take care of themselves, and especially, any human beings that they create.
I understood your point very well though why you chose examples that don't actually illustrate your point does not make a lot of sense. I am disagreeing with your point that a parent's EXPECTATION should matter a hill of beans to their adult prodigy. What a parent SHOULD do at a certain age is leave them alone to make their own decisions, right or wrong. Love the snot out of them and the grand kids and ****.
Quote:
We all have different expectations of our children at various ages, so it is hard to discuss this concept in the abstract. Some might be thinking of 10 year old, some 18 year olds, and some of 35 year olds.
It had not previously occurred to me that a parent might think that they have a right to expect anything from their 35 year old.
If my 35 year old son tells me he's about to switch to a low paying career I might ask some pointed questions, but then I'd shut up and try to be supportive so I can keep seeing my grandkids. He'd be a grown ass man, I wouldn't expect to be able to tell him a thing. lol
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
