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I would see my child no matter what or who tried to stop me.
That's easy to say.
I've been with my husband for eight years. His kids are 12 and 10, and his child's mother left him when his youngest was an infant after cheating on him for months and pretending her boyfriend was her cousin so she could bring him around. I can't vouch for the first couple of years because I didn't know him (but his family does), but he has fought tooth and nail for years for rights to see his kids who he hasn't seen since they were an infant and a toddler.
It's funny...his "baby mama" can just not show up for meetings with the mediator, and that's fine. Not show up for court dates? No biggie. He sits in court all day (and I have to sit outside or in the car because the bailiffs seem to want blood and threaten anyone whose "name isn't on the docket") to wait for her to show up for the motions, but she doesn't.
Somehow, she never gets in trouble for it. Let him miss a couple of child support payments, though...they'd have him in jail in a hot minute.
Funny thing is, she still goes by her maiden name even though she's married now, and she collects all sorts of government benefits as if she's a single mom...but she's been married to the guy she cheated with for at least 8+ years. She files for child support and government benefits at her disabled mom's house in another county and somehow doesn't get caught, even though we've told on her before. Her husband is not a wealthy man but works a good factory job and makes enough money that they shouldn't qualify for benefits, but she cheats.
It drives my husband crazy...all he wants is to SEE his kids...not have custody, just see them once a month and such, if only for a couple of hours to go to a pizza joint or something -- but she will not show up to mediator meetings or anything to work it out. And somehow...that's okay.
We have thought about hiring a lawyer, but this has been going on for years, and hubby said now he just wants to wait a couple of years until they're old enough "to understand." We'll see...their mom has been filling their heads with lies their whole lives.
Also, we don't mind paying child support but still think it's totally screwed..
Last edited by Miss Blue; 01-28-2017 at 07:36 AM..
Reason: changed filtered word to "lies"
-Child support and visitation are two separate issues.
-Most single mothers are divorced, which means they were married when their child/children were born.
-Ridiculously large child support payments are the exception, not the norm.
A good friend of mine has two kids. Her ex pays $300 a month, total, and has fought her attempts to get in increased. He is not poor, just a dick.
I get $75 every two weeks. You wanna know what I'm using that huge amount for? To put gas in my damn car to take my kid to visitation because my ex will not provide transportation and hasn't for 10 years.
So, one more time, women are NOT living some crazy high life full of manicures and designer bags off of child support. Please just stop it.
Your child needs food, clothes and a roof over their head no matter what. Paying child support is not optional.
I would see my child no matter what or who tried to stop me. If your ex spouse tries to keep your child away you need to take them to court. A good father would fight to see his child - Don't be a wuss - stand up and be a man for heavens sake.
Not sure why some people think child support is 'not spent on the child'. Those people have obviously never raised a child and don't realize how expensive rent, utilities, food, clothes, doctor visits, etc. are. I don't know ANYONE that spends 'child support' on the 'good life' of the custodial parent.
How convenient that you assumed it was the father being denied parenting time. Let's clear up another issue. You don't "VISIT" your children, you parent them. Visitation is a thing that is reserved for convicts.
Source: Father that is the custodial parent.
Due to my state laws, I pay child support even though I am the legal custodial parent and have the majority of physical custody. The CS I pay to the mother is 100% for our daughter. If mom lives in a nicer place, does our daughter not benefit? If she drives a nicer car, does our daughter benefit? If she installs granite counter tops, doesour daughter not benefit!?
You folks would benefit from realizing that a child benefits from their environment. Stop focusing on how your Ex benefits and focus on your kid. I get it, life isn't fair and he/she shouldn't benefit from your hard earned money. So flip the script and focus on how your child benefits. It's not about you. It's not about them. It's about the kids. Period.
-Child support and visitation are two separate issues.
-Most single mothers are divorced, which means they were married when their child/children were born.
-Ridiculously large child support payments are the exception, not the norm.
A good friend of mine has two kids. Her ex pays $300 a month, total, and has fought her attempts to get in increased. He is not poor, just a dick.
I get $75 every two weeks. You wanna know what I'm using that huge amount for? To put gas in my damn car to take my kid to visitation because my ex will not provide transportation and hasn't for 10 years.
So, one more time, women are NOT living some crazy high life full of manicures and designer bags off of child support. Please just stop it.
I've been with my husband for eight years. His kids are 12 and 10, and his child's mother left him when his youngest was an infant after cheating on him for months and pretending her boyfriend was her cousin so she could bring him around. I can't vouch for the first couple of years because I didn't know him (but his family does), but he has fought tooth and nail for years for rights to see his kids who he hasn't seen since they were an infant and a toddler.
It's funny...his "baby mama" can just not show up for meetings with the mediator, and that's fine. Not show up for court dates? No biggie. He sits in court all day (and I have to sit outside or in the car because the bailiffs seem to want blood and threaten anyone whose "name isn't on the docket") to wait for her to show up for the motions, but she doesn't.
Somehow, she never gets in trouble for it. Let him miss a couple of child support payments, though...they'd have him in jail in a hot minute.
Funny thing is, she still goes by her maiden name even though she's married now, and she collects all sorts of government benefits as if she's a single mom...but she's been married to the guy she cheated with for at least 8+ years. She files for child support and government benefits at her disabled mom's house in another county and somehow doesn't get caught, even though we've told on her before. Her husband is not a wealthy man but works a good factory job and makes enough money that they shouldn't qualify for benefits, but she cheats.
It drives my husband crazy...all he wants is to SEE his kids...not have custody, just see them once a month and such, if only for a couple of hours to go to a pizza joint or something -- but she will not show up to mediator meetings or anything to work it out. And somehow...that's okay.
We have thought about hiring a lawyer, but this has been going on for years, and hubby said now he just wants to wait a couple of years until they're old enough "to understand." We'll see...their mom has been filling their heads with **** their whole lives.
Also, we don't mind paying child support but still think it's totally screwed..
"Once a month"...?
Children do best with each parent in their life. It's also best to be in court with "clean hands". Our court sytem is completely and totally F'ed but it's what we collectively voted for. If your husband exercised his parental rights via law enforcement with his parenting plan in hand, the mother would be in jeopardy of a custody reversal due to contempt of court. It's always sad when parents choose to put themselves before their children. Your husband chose to take the easy road. Involving LEOs and enforcing the decree is fraught with danger. I'd risk jail any day over losing parenting time. If you are serious about your husband getting more time with his kids, check out dadsdivorce.com. Those dudes steered me through my divorce and I ended up the custodial parent from a stay at home mom. They don't play games on that forum and they don't allow BS. Their sole focus is on keeping dads in their kid's life. Their goal is 50/50 physical custody, period.
YOU don't get to tell me what me and most of my single mother friends have experienced. Believe me, it's visiting.
Moonbeam,
In a utopia, what would be best for the children? I'm not telling you how to parent, I'm illustrating the dangers of children growing up in truly single parent households. The statistics are very bad.
I've been the single parent with an addict spouse. I know how difficult it is. I've been threatened with arrest more times than I can count due to the inherent female bias in our system.
My Ex and I have a good relationship today because I was able to forgive the past transgressions (her as well, it takes two to tango) and put our child first.
You. Do. Not. Visit. Your. Child:
------>. You parent them. If you cannot comprehend that simple fact, you are the problem.
"Do you think a man or woman should be forced to pay child support to the custodial parent while no being allowed access to their children? I personally think if you have to pay child support you must be allowed to see you children, because any parent that cares enough to support their kid financially also wants to spend time with them in person. But I don't see why you should be forced to support a kid that you're not even allowed to see (either by the other parent or whoever)."
"BUT I DON'T SEE WHY YOU SHOULD BE FORCED TO SUPPORT A KID THAT YOU'RE NOT EVEN ALLOWED TO SEE (EITHER BY THE PARENT OR WHOEVER)"
If you aren't allowed to see the kid by court order (which is what I'm assuming here) that does not wash your hands of financially supporting the child. If the other parent is unlawfully refusing access to the child then go to court.
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