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Anytime a kid at any age has to go behind a parents back to have a conversation then something is not right. Anything that a kid is saying to a friend better be something that can be said in front of the parents. No need to hide. Any 40 year adult should be able to understand this. An adult of any age that is having a conversation with a 16 year old or any other age kid that is concealed from the parents of that kid is doing something wrong and knows it.
This is grooming 101.
What if the kid is doing the sneaking on his own?
If she gets a call at 1215 AM, why is she going to say, "Is your mom OK that you called?"
She probably normally gets calls at that time, so it will not appear weird to her.
Especially since they met while playing a video game online. It would still be weird if it was a friends mom or something with that age difference and the amount of time and hour of the day, but it being a random is even worse!
Why does the age difference matter if they knew each other in real life?
I mean are we really surprised that there's so much age discrimination in the workplace when we pretty much spend 20 years telling our kids that age discrimination is logical?
When I was about 16, I had a close friend who was in her late 30s. I met her when I did a rotortilling job for her and her husband. There was nothing sexual (Being a 16 year old male and her being very attractive I may have wished there was). We were just good friends. She and her husband did not get along well. I listened to her marriage woes, and general boredom issues or whatever, and she listened to my teenage angst, girl problems, parent problems, and gave me advice. Really no different than other female friends of my age who were nothing more than friend. Yes, Guys and gals can actually be just friends, even very close friends. I think parents with a problem with that are really just upset that they are not in control of advice or friendship of their kid. I would not have any particular problem if one of my daughters had an older guy friend. They did develop friendships with some of their teachers and professors and stay in touch with them years later. I do not think it is reasonable to assume every person who has any connection with a younger person of the opposite gender is a sexual predator. Is a 40 year old woman really going to be interested in a 16 year old kid?
This seems to sum up many posters here.
Even if the 40 year old thought the 16-year old was attractive, that isn't necessarily wrong.
Let's remember throughout most of our history that 13-year olds used to get married and their education wasn't nearly what it is today and we all survived.
OK, so are you saying that a 5-hour conversation is ALWAYS wrong?
No.
You've read (and are apparently responding to ) every ... single ... post in this thread. The "issue" has been clearly spelled out, and anyone who refuses to admit it is being deliberately obtuse.
It's emotionally harmful for a 40-year-old married woman to spend hours in secret phone conversations with a minor. Based on details the son revealed, the woman knew he was a minor and knew why that mattered.
Emotional boundaries protect you from manipulation. They set limits for acceptable behavior. They keep you from being exploited.
This woman was taking advantage of his weak emotional boundaries. Whether you like it or not, the son is not an adult in this relationship, and being two years away from being a "legal adult" doesn't count. If they were having a healthy, non-harmful phone conversation, it could have and should have been done in the light of day with the knowledge of his parents.
You've read (and are apparently responding to ) every ... single ... post in this thread. The "issue" has been clearly spelled out, and anyone who refuses to admit it is being deliberately obtuse.
It's emotionally harmful for a 40-year-old married woman to spend hours in secret phone conversations with a minor. Based on details the son revealed, the woman knew he was a minor and knew why that mattered.
Emotional boundaries protect you from manipulation. They set limits for acceptable behavior. They keep you from being exploited.
This woman was taking advantage of his weak emotional boundaries. Whether you like it or not, the son is not an adult in this relationship, and being two years away from being a "legal adult" doesn't count. If they were having a healthy, non-harmful phone conversation, it could have and should have been done in the light of day with the knowledge of his parents.
I'm sorry, but I didn't experience the conversation in real time, so I'm catching up. Just like if you dive into a TV series in Season 3, you usually ask your friend dozens of questions about what's going on, but I can't replicate a rerun here.
I don't like the idea of assuming the worst about someone before even interacting with them. That sounds like a recipe for disaster in ALL of your friendships. A minor, but useful example is a friend oversleeping your lunch plans and then you accusing them of doing it on purpose and it leads to a useless fight, whereas they might have just legitimately overslept. You can still guard against manipulation without putting a timer on your phone conversations.
Generally, when people ask me about that topic, my advice is to assess how your life was before and after the new person entered your life. If it's the same or better, the new person's probably good for you. If it's worse, then the new person might be good for you, but you should be more analytical. You might also be doing something to make your life worse, but it at least lets you focus in on the possible damage area. But you don't have to be arbitrarily private to guard against manipulation. AT SOME POINT, the manipulator has to convince you that your best friends really hate you and that you shouldn't talk to them anymore. Otherwise, they can't manipulate you. So if you only stay vigilant of that, in 99.99% of cases, you can avoid being manipulated.
Now you say the woman took advantage of his weak boundaries. But yet we know nothing about the situation, other than their age gap is big and they talk a lot on the phone. HOW can you possibly use that as a proof to indict anything? You say "2 years close to legal" doesn't matter, but then think that that vague pair of facts is going to get someone arrested?
There seems to be a clear disconnect between what is grounds for persecution on the forum and what actually is breaking the law. And that is really harming your ability to give her good advice.
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) every ... single ... post in this thread. The "issue" has been clearly spelled out, and anyone who refuses to admit it is being deliberately obtuse.