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In this day and age with the economy and job market the way it is, plenty of people around that age are living at home (even if they don't really want to). Some around that age are still going to college/school. Are they all enablers? I guess in your mind, they are. Very ignorant argument.
And guess what? Some actually enjoy living with their parents, and their parents don't mind it! Some don't immediately move out when they turn 18.
I'm in my mid 20's, and just finishing up my last semester of school (1 class left), but I have set a goal about moving out this year (or at least sometime early next year). I've been looking for a full-time job (so can start saving) and both my parents support me in whatever I decide to do. I could stay at their house for as long as I want to (as long as I'm either working or going to school), or move out if I wanted to.
We're also bashing her for the way she's going about it. She's essentially trying to kick him out of the house after saying he could stay as long as he wanted. There's a difference. At least work out an actual and realistic time table.
Let me guess, you're probably in your 40's-50's? Mid to late 30's at best. Seems like the majority of people agreeing with the OP are around that age.
You're in your mid 20's...have you ever worked?
Are you paying for your own education or did your parents pay for it?
Just curious. (Trying to understand your perspective.)
Last edited by .sparrow.; 01-31-2017 at 10:57 PM..
In this day and age with the economy and job market the way it is, plenty of people around that age are living at home (even if they don't really want to). Some around that age are still going to college/school. Are they all enablers? I guess in your mind, they are. Very ignorant argument.
And guess what? Some actually enjoy living with their parents, and their parents don't mind it! Some don't immediately move out when they turn 18.
I'm in my mid 20's, and just finishing up my last semester of school (1 class left), but I have set a goal about moving out this year (or at least sometime early next year). I've been looking for a full-time job (so can start saving) and both my parents support me in whatever I decide to do. I could stay at their house for as long as I want to (as long as I'm either working or going to school), or move out if I wanted to.
We're also bashing her for the way she's going about it. She's essentially trying to kick him out of the house after saying he could stay as long as he wanted. There's a difference. At least work out an actual and realistic time table.
Let me guess, you're probably in your 40's-50's? Mid to late 30's at best. Seems like the majority of people agreeing with the OP are around that age.
You do know the economy has turned around right? I am 33 years old. I know plenty of people that moved out at 18.
She said as long as he wanted, but let's be honest, she didn't mean 30 years. He has been there 8 months. "As long you want" is often just polite and can mean just a couple weeks or a couple months.
I'm sorry. I feel like 23 is old enough to be on your own.
It doesn't mean that you HAVE to be, but you're old enough that you can be.
In nature...Even the mamma bird is in tune to know when the chicklet is ready to take flight. Problem is the parent is flighty in mind with zero guidance skills.
Just based on the original content, there is no way this is a mid 50's aged writer. Sounds like a teen with the all about me undertone.
I agree that for this young man he would fair well to be around supportive adults who sit down...Discuss a reasonable and financial game plan to create self sufficiency.
My supportive advice to this pseudo-parent is to demonstrate civility and respect. A bit of humility towards family goes a long way. You'll have plenty of time drooling from a bib in old age..ALONE.
Location: In a rural place where people can't bother me ;)
516 posts, read 429,417 times
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Hmmm. Adult Son lives with mom.... Mom gives adult son ultimatum.....son goes off deep end in entitled fit of rage?
My conclusion?
-he was enabled
-poor parenting in certain areas
I agree with the others here..... If he wants to stay.... Let him. You go. See how long he lasts on his own. Afterall it's just an apartment you live in. Not an actual house.
I think I've lost track of the number of times I've been blamed for the actions of a GROWN MAN. I was a SINGLE mother for crying out loud. I think it should be expected of me to not have done as good a job raising him as a married woman. Yeah, there are things I could have done better. But I certainly NEVER told him that it was okay to live off other people. I always told him to be nice to other children and to respect his teachers.
And to clarify, when I told him he could stay with me as long as he wanted, I didn't think he would want to stay with me very long. I thought he would be able to figure out himself that he needed to support himself. I mean, even a 7-year-old should realize that their parents will get old and die before them. There needs to be a good chunk of time between me supporting him, and him supporting me when I need it.
ahh i remember when I had to leave the house...im 30 now, but landed a job right out of college. Its not easy that is for sure since I went out of my way. my mom gave me a time limit when I should leave the house, but at the same time I was also eager to leave
I decided to really educate myself (way out of college education) for engineering and with that salary i moved out of the house right away.
not going to lie, its not an easy world now and days. even with a degree, its hard getting a good salary job. I really had to grind and go out of everyone's way as if its me against the world to land this job.
im guessing he is having fears with the amount of money he is making. I was worried with that as well. Coming to this experience, I would have to say, he is the one that needs to make the change in his life if not, you have to force him for the better good.
once you kick him out, he will have a shock how expensive everything is and will most likely alter his life and grind for a better job and career. I sure did.
but at the same time it is him vs the world so he needs to have that mind set. In all honesty, you are damaging him by leaving him in the house with his current life choices career wise. You need to kick him out for the better good.
right now he feels comfortable with what he is making since he is living at home not having to worry about life expenses
Send him to Groton Connecticut. Electric Boat General Dynamics is hiring. They build submarines and are hiring for many departments. Another option is the military.
Pretty simple..charge him RENT! Fair market value....tack on housekeeping, laundry and cook services. Grow a backbone. He is not your surrogate "husband". Which is your secret motive...having a "man" in the house vs. raising a man.
You sound like such a selfish and cold hearted mom. He's not a random stranger, he's your son for goodness sake. You already said he doesn't make enough to contribute, so you're basically telling him to hit the streets.
This is why I love the internet. I'm sure in the previous pages another poster will claim the mom was enabling the son's immature behavior by letting it go this long. It sure has come up a lot in other similar posts.
I think it's terrible that you are calling the OP selfish. He is old enough, she has paid her dues. It's time he grows up and acts like a big boy instead of lashing out at mom for simply reminding him that it is time.
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