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Stop. Lazy 20-30 year olds still living at home is not normal. Further it doesn't matter what the "kid" does or doesn't do.
If the parent wants them to move out, that's all that matters.
Coddling someone like this only enables them, and encourages this behavior throughout their lives.
Tell him the date of departure. If that doesn't work, call the cops!
Agree on most, but not call the cops. Change the door locks. lol
No wonder employers have issues with this age group.
I always say look at the parents, they is where the problem with these kids start. All the children are special snowflakes.
Am so glad my parents loved me enough to say no and teach me to survive and thrive.
Agree on most, but not call the cops. Change the door locks. lol
No wonder employers have issues with this age group.
I always say look at the parents, they is where the problem with these kids start. All the children are special snowflakes.
Am so glad my parents loved me enough to say no and teach me to survive and thrive.
I'm glad that as I was younger and stumbled in life, my parents warmly welcomed me back to their house at 19, 21 & 25 years old. I'm glad that I knew I could always count on them and that regardless of what life brings, I knew I could go to their house for shelter, as I learned to survive and thrive. Years later now, I am quite successful in part to the opportunities my parents afforded me. Living with them as an adult (25 years old) was a completely different dynamic and we grew closer as we treated each other as adults, with respect. I wouldn't trade that ever. I would do the same for my kids.
"snowflakes" give me a break! The Rights latest meme that has no bearing on actual reality, like most of their nonsense.
I sense maybe your frustration with the past few months boiled over and you were unnecessarily abrupt with your son. He, in turn, exhibited some deplorable and unacceptable behavior.
I would tell him that you're sorry for the discord and that you'd like to sit down and discuss the situation in a calm, rational, and adult manner. Set up a time for several days from now so you both have time to calm down and brainstorm.
Think about what you can do to help him transition out of your home, whether it's to hook him up with a career counselor or employment agency and/or a financial advisor, stake him to a deposit and 3 months rent in a new place, give him some furniture, whatever. You need to make it clear that you want to help him move forward toward an independent life. You also need to decide on a time frame that you can live with as well as financial reimbursement. For example, if he tells you he wants to do night school for a graduate degree for two years, are you OK with providing free housing? That's different from indefinite freeloading. Decide what you can manage, and stick to it.
He needs to discuss his concerns and plans respectfully. Saying he can't afford to move and and not trying to find any resolution is not acceptable. Make that clear too. Come up with a plan. Write it down, including the time frame and monetary arrangements.
If he becomes verbally abusive, then he needs to go. Emotional blackmail on his part is not acceptable. If he becomes physically abusive, he needs to go now and you need to change the locks asap.
You may burn some bridges if you kick him out, but you won't do your relationship any favors either by keeping him at home while you both resent and eventually hate each other.
How could the son know much about being an adult with a mother that hasn't really grown up? She is 53 and still rents? Raised a child in an apartment? Those certainly don't show the son what hard work can bring you.
When I was the sons age girls stayed home until marriage and boys until they could buy a house. All different cultures. Only the lower class would get an apartment.
So lets assume for a moment that the mother is lower income class, because that's what your said. So a low income mother, raised her child to be a college graduate, college graduate would imply at least middle class someday ... so what's so wrong with that ?
Your post sounds like you think your better than her because she has an apartment and you have a house. ...
The greatest gift you can give your loved ones is the dignity to live their own life and accept the natural consequences for their own choices.
"Honey I love you and I know that you are a smart capable resourceful person. There are places to live, and there are jobs, and I am sure you will be successful in the decisions you make and I applaud your success."
Give him a date and stick to it. Craig's list is a great place to find affordable shared housing.
(1) Does the OP live in a studio, 1-bedroom or 2-bedroom apartment? If she lives in a studio or 1-bedroom, I fully comprehend that she would like to have her 23-year old son move out. But if it is a 2-bedroom apartment, then maybe she should give her son a longer grace period.
(2) Since her son has income (though meager) and is an adult, does he indicate that he would share some expenses and do house chores? For example, contribute $200 towards the $800 monthly rent and do dishes and laundry? If he contributes nothing and helping nothing, then he should move out.
(3) What is his plan? Is he just going to stick with the minimum wage job or is he trying to find a better job? Or going back to attend graduate school? Or the town they live does not offer any better job opportunities? The OP should really talk the issue over with her son.
Nowadays an undergraduate degree does not guarantee a good job. Maybe her son is perplexed on his future plan. He needs guidance in such transitional period.
A 23-year old is not really an adult. In fact, OP can still claim him as a dependent on her tax return. And many parents use their own medical insurance to cover their kids until they turn 26.
And 53-year old is not in any sense "old". I am 63 and still working so my medical insurance can cover my kids who are about the same age of OP's son.
He's been there eight months, not four, plus the two she gave him to find his own place puts him at 10 months total. Or are you saying that she should give him an additional 6-12 months from now, so a total of 14-20 months from when he graduated from college and moved back in? Personally, although I don't have a problem with the OP giving him 2 months, I would probably give a little longer, like 2-4 months from now. Or more likely just leave it at the two months already stated, but if in 4-6 weeks it doesn't look like he is going to be ready BUT he is making an effort to make it happen and just needs a little more time, then let him have it. She has no obligation, moral or otherwise, to allow her healthy college graduate son to live her beyond the ten months she is already allowing. It makes no difference that she said he could stay as long as he wanted, it wasn't a contract signed in blood and she probably had no idea that he would feel comfortable continuing to stay with her for the next eight months indefinitely. She is perfectly within her rights, morally and otherwise, to say that she's had enough and it is time for him to move on and be a grown up, giving him a deadline to do so.
I meant....Give him 4-6 months from now to find a decent job and move out. The OP did not tell him from the time he returned from college that she expected him to move out. So he is not prepared and obviously not motivated. 4-6 months will give him the time to find a good job, save, find a place and move out. By giving him 2 months out of nowhere, it will be hard. Not impossible, but hard. The OP should have told him this months ago!
And I agree, a 23 year old that is college educated should be living on their own!
My high school junior son got a job this summer (at age 16) at our local grocery store. He started off as a courtesy clerk making $9.00 an hour and in a few months was promoted to cashier and now makes $11.00 an hour. He works part time since he is still in high school. I do recall jokingly telling my husband that if he worked full time and got a roommate making about the same as him he could probably afford to get an apartment and live on his own! Something to think about.
My son was 21 when he finished his 2 year trade schooling, and had a guaranteed job offer to start right after that. What did he do? Looked for a condo, asked me for a $5000 loan for the down payment which I gave him, bought the condo, had two room mates move in who paid him rent, repaid the loan within 6 months, got established in his career, bought a house, sold the condo and he was off and running. He never, ever rented.
He couldn't wait to get out of the house and on his own.
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