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Lots of good advice here. But you and many other posters are (understandably) focusing on your wife's crazy behavior, while I would really start off by focusing on the kid. Have you talked with her? Maybe you need to take her outside the house a few times somewhere where you can both chat in a relaxed way w/o Mom around to possibly intimidate her. Maybe I'm wrong, but I get the impression you see a lot of things but haven't spent a lot of time engaging with your daughter.
How does she feel about all this? Which of her afterschool activities does she really like and really not like? Is she really falling asleep in school during class? Does she think the work at school is too hard? Ask her what her teachers think about her. You get the idea. The more information you can get from her the clearer the roadmap will become, IMO, for where to go next. And you can do so by keeping the kid first, not your loony other half.
I also second the suggestion of convening again with your school's IEP counselor. If they see what is going on and learn more directly how this affecting your kid, they may be able to put a brake on Mom before it's too late.
Although, this doesn't appear to be REAL.. LIKELY JUST A TROLL!
its an interesting story.. i don't know ANY parents who keep their kids up to 2 or 3am doing homework.. That's is an obvious dead give away that this story is bogus.. But the too many activities theme is a real issue with many kids/parents.
I taught 5th for years. I had parents tell me all the time about how late they were up doing homework. At times it would be past midnight.
And, to avoid the backlash:
I usually then requested a meeting with the student and the parents. In my classroom, the only homework was unfinished CLASSWORK or long-term projects (one per marking period). We then had a conversation about how their child should never have more than a few minutes (15-30 max) of homework as long as classtime was utilized properly. I would suggest that the student be required to do their homework immediately and inform the parents that it worked best if they had a quiet space to do it. They needed to make it a routine. If it was a project, they had a month to do it and I would suggest making a checklist to keep them on track to meet the deadline. Then they were assured that if their child is really struggling with a concept and homework did stretch on for more than an hour, they give up and write me a note. I made arrangements to work with them on the concept outside of class time.
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