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Thread summary:

Parenting: boarding school, Detroit, homeschooling, private school, neighborhood.

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Old 03-02-2008, 06:29 PM
 
335 posts, read 1,485,374 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FarNorthDallas View Post
Why would you keep him in an environment where he is robbed at knifepoint TWICE when you make 6 figures? Your income gives you options!
16 years old.

What has he been robbed at knife point for? Lunch money?

You people don't get it. I've had my car stolen twice—once in a nice area, once in a not so nice area. I've had money stolen from me. I've lived in places where people got shot and robbed.

In some cities, these are every day occurrences. Maybe you've never experienced it, but for people who do, that's just how it is.

The O.P. never said that her son was unhappy because he FEARED for his life. Why would you assume he's got P.T.S. syndrome?

She lives there. That's her home. She's got a job there. She raised her boy in that town. 16-year-old boys can be difficult and unhappy for lots of reasons. They've got all these hormones. They've got peer pressure. They don't know who they are. Blah, blah, blah. It's complicated!

# # #
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Old 03-02-2008, 06:46 PM
 
10,109 posts, read 10,489,397 times
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Have a sit-down, heart to heart talk with your son. Robbed twice at knife point ... WOW ... I would be long gone. I have friends that work in Detroit and live in the 'burbs. They raisied and educated two children in Tecumseh while making a living in Detroit. If you can't move maybe he will consider a private school. Just talk it over with him and see if you can get to the bottom of the problem.
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Old 03-02-2008, 06:53 PM
 
3,106 posts, read 8,815,477 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by carrot juice View Post
16 years old.

What has he been robbed at knife point for? Lunch money?

You people don't get it. I've had my car stolen twice—once in a nice area, once in a not so nice area. I've had money stolen from me. I've lived in places where people got shot and robbed.

In some cities, these are every day occurrences. Maybe you've never experienced it, but for people who do, that's just how it is.

The O.P. never said that her son was unhappy because he FEARED for his life. Why would you assume he's got P.T.S. syndrome?

She lives there. That's her home. She's got a job there. She raised her boy in that town. 16-year-old boys can be difficult and unhappy for lots of reasons. They've got all these hormones. They've got peer pressure. They don't know who they are. Blah, blah, blah. It's complicated!

# # #
Are you a 16 yr old, bi-racial teenaged boy growing up in Detroit?

Detroit isn't the friendliest of places to people who aren't black (in case you haven't been there). I've been all over the country and I've never felt as discriminated against or treated so rudely as I was there - just because I'm not black. I can't imagine being bi-racial and not being accepted simply because I'm not fully "something". He didn't suddenly discover that he doesn't want to be black. He's only 1/2 black. For many - that's not black enough. For his other half - he's not enough of that either for many of his other ethnicity. Heinz Ward, of the Pittsburgh Steelers, straddled being 1/2 black & 1/2 Korean and had a tough childhood because no one group accepted him because he wasn't 100%. His Korean mother was reviled for having a 1/2 black child.

You think he should just suck it up & not give a hoot that he's been robbed at knife-point twice? Would it be better in your book if he'd been robbed at gunpoint? Just because you haven't suffered any ill effects from your experiences, doesn't mean this kid hasn't.

Sure - he's 16 & there are probably a lot of things going on but to belittle a knifepoint robbery and say the rest of us "don't get it" is a big assumption on your part. I know plenty of people who got out of NYC because they were sick of being mugged or having property vandalized.

***********

OP - I agree with some of the other suggestions - send him to a trusted relative or boarding school where he can finish out his schooling. I'm guessing & making an assumption that with a 6-figure salary, you can come up with a solution that will enable you to remain in Detroit 'til your retirement but also find a way to provide your son with a safe environment to finish out his high school years.
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Old 03-02-2008, 07:12 PM
b75
 
950 posts, read 3,367,358 times
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He sounds like his withdrawing for some reason. As a starting point I'd suggest trying to find a counselor that you feel is competent & see if you can get him into some single and dual sessions...
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Old 03-02-2008, 08:18 PM
 
6,578 posts, read 24,538,802 times
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Just a reality check here, being the victim of that much crime is not typical for most people living in the United States. Most people live their entire lives without being mugged or robbed at kifepoint or had their cars stolen or their purses snatched much less ALL of these things in one lifetime. If this is NORMAL for anyone posting here, you need to move.
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Old 03-02-2008, 08:52 PM
 
1,655 posts, read 3,294,371 times
Reputation: 1826
Quote:
Originally Posted by SanTropez View Post
I'm about mid 40's, make 6 figures a year, and I retire in three years.

My son is 16 years old. He gets excellent grades, all his teachers remark on how intellectual he is. Very creative.

What kind of problems would a kid like that cause, you ask? Here goes...

We've lived in Detroit since he's been alive. But since he's been in high school he's started to absolutely despise living here and it's turning into resentment towards everyone around him. My son is mixed and has never really embraced black culture the way other people his age do. He complains to me that he doesn't get along with the other students in his school or anywhere else and abhors being around most other people in this city. He feels more comfortable in other places(oddly, since he is still a light brown complexion) and expresses anxiety about being out in Detroit. He's been robbed twice at knife point, each house on each side of us has been burglarized and I've had my purse snatched from in front of our house and my car stolen out of our driveway and from a gas station.

At first it just materialized in his frequent complaints and derrogatory comments about the city and the people in it, and ranting everyday about some thing or another that goes on. He's always expressed to me that he wants to leave the city and I told him I didn't plan on moving until I retire 3 years from now. By then he'll be away for college. But he vehemently opposes staying here for three more years and has been causing all sorts of trouble. Skipping school, getting into arguments with people, even threatening to just leave on his own(to no specified place). I honestly don't know what I could do with him anymore...He just stays locked in his room all day either on that piano or one of his guitars or blaring music in his ears and gets very easily irritable if anyone bothers him.

Geez...I don't blame him for expressing anxiety and staying locked in his room. Hopefully, he'll make it to college age. Why can't you move to a safer community, obviously, it's not a monetary issue. I understand you want to wait for retirement but the safety of your son should be a priority.

I was born in Detroit but would never go back there.
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Old 03-02-2008, 09:05 PM
 
16,106 posts, read 30,940,442 times
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Well, we just finished raising our last 16 year old as our fourth son just turned 17. <whew> (of course our grandson is 18 months old so here we go again!). I just have to say that it is important to listen to our children. It sounds to me as if there might be something else going on in addition to the crime, etc. At any rate, I urge you to please validate your sons feelings and even open yourself up to the possibility of taking action. 16 years old is a vulnerable time in a young mans life and issues should be handled with care. Best of luck to you both.
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Old 03-03-2008, 07:34 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
2,868 posts, read 9,276,677 times
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I live in Detroit suburbs....I don't blame him for wanting to move. The city is dangerous...moreso then NYC. Why don't you move out to the suburbs or maybe send him to a charter school. I am assuming he goes to a public school in the city. Yes??
We plan to move this summer due to my hubby's job but I tell you,,,I would never raise a family here...Not to bad talk Detroit but it is just not a place for us.
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Old 03-03-2008, 08:36 AM
 
28,901 posts, read 51,958,134 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SanTropez View Post
I'm about mid 40's, make 6 figures a year, and I retire in three years.

My son is 16 years old. He gets excellent grades, all his teachers remark on how intellectual he is. Very creative.

What kind of problems would a kid like that cause, you ask? Here goes...

We've lived in Detroit since he's been alive. But since he's been in high school he's started to absolutely despise living here and it's turning into resentment towards everyone around him. My son is mixed and has never really embraced black culture the way other people his age do. He complains to me that he doesn't get along with the other students in his school or anywhere else and abhors being around most other people in this city. He feels more comfortable in other places(oddly, since he is still a light brown complexion) and expresses anxiety about being out in Detroit. He's been robbed twice at knife point, each house on each side of us has been burglarized and I've had my purse snatched from in front of our house and my car stolen out of our driveway and from a gas station.

At first it just materialized in his frequent complaints and derrogatory comments about the city and the people in it, and ranting everyday about some thing or another that goes on. He's always expressed to me that he wants to leave the city and I told him I didn't plan on moving until I retire 3 years from now. By then he'll be away for college. But he vehemently opposes staying here for three more years and has been causing all sorts of trouble. Skipping school, getting into arguments with people, even threatening to just leave on his own(to no specified place). I honestly don't know what I could do with him anymore...He just stays locked in his room all day either on that piano or one of his guitars or blaring music in his ears and gets very easily irritable if anyone bothers him.
Hi. He sounds like a good kid overall, and you've done a good job with him.

First, all kids go through a period of nihilism in their teenage years. It's that normal questioning of values.

But, more importantly, I think there's something going on in your son's life that he's not telling you. Maybe he's getting harassed. Maybe somebody is making his life miserable. I think you really need to get to the bottom of it.

The truth is, you don't live in a safe neighborhood. He knows, you know it. That, compounded with incidents he may not be relating to you, could cause him to feel deeply threatened. That's not healthy for him or you.

That being said, can you move to a less hostile part of town and still keep your job? After all, you can still commute, and three years isn't that long of a time to an adult--even though three years seems like forever to a teenager.

Good luck and, above all, keep your son safe.
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Old 03-03-2008, 09:23 AM
b75
 
950 posts, read 3,367,358 times
Reputation: 338
Truthfully, though I can't say as I blame him, wrspct to wanting to move. It doesn't sound like you live in a very safe neighborhood. I think it may be time to reevaluate your decision to stay there. Either that or he may need to be allowed to move in with a family member somewhere safer. Or perhaps you could consider some sort of homeschooling/private school option to at least give him his days at school in a more functional setting?

Quote:
Originally Posted by SanTropez View Post
I'm about mid 40's, make 6 figures a year, and I retire in three years.

My son is 16 years old. He gets excellent grades, all his teachers remark on how intellectual he is. Very creative.

What kind of problems would a kid like that cause, you ask? Here goes...

We've lived in Detroit since he's been alive. But since he's been in high school he's started to absolutely despise living here and it's turning into resentment towards everyone around him. My son is mixed and has never really embraced black culture the way other people his age do. He complains to me that he doesn't get along with the other students in his school or anywhere else and abhors being around most other people in this city. He feels more comfortable in other places(oddly, since he is still a light brown complexion) and expresses anxiety about being out in Detroit. He's been robbed twice at knife point, each house on each side of us has been burglarized and I've had my purse snatched from in front of our house and my car stolen out of our driveway and from a gas station.

At first it just materialized in his frequent complaints and derrogatory comments about the city and the people in it, and ranting everyday about some thing or another that goes on. He's always expressed to me that he wants to leave the city and I told him I didn't plan on moving until I retire 3 years from now. By then he'll be away for college. But he vehemently opposes staying here for three more years and has been causing all sorts of trouble. Skipping school, getting into arguments with people, even threatening to just leave on his own(to no specified place). I honestly don't know what I could do with him anymore...He just stays locked in his room all day either on that piano or one of his guitars or blaring music in his ears and gets very easily irritable if anyone bothers him.
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