Desperately need advice for my 16yr old son! (boys, 16 years old, safety)
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I'm about mid 40's, make 6 figures a year, and I retire in three years.
My son is 16 years old. He gets excellent grades, all his teachers remark on how intellectual he is. Very creative.
What kind of problems would a kid like that cause, you ask? Here goes...
We've lived in Detroit since he's been alive. But since he's been in high school he's started to absolutely despise living here and it's turning into resentment towards everyone around him. My son is mixed and has never really embraced black culture the way other people his age do. He complains to me that he doesn't get along with the other students in his school or anywhere else and abhors being around most other people in this city. He feels more comfortable in other places(oddly, since he is still a light brown complexion) and expresses anxiety about being out in Detroit. He's been robbed twice at knife point, each house on each side of us has been burglarized and I've had my purse snatched from in front of our house and my car stolen out of our driveway and from a gas station.
At first it just materialized in his frequent complaints and derrogatory comments about the city and the people in it, and ranting everyday about some thing or another that goes on. He's always expressed to me that he wants to leave the city and I told him I didn't plan on moving until I retire 3 years from now. By then he'll be away for college. But he vehemently opposes staying here for three more years and has been causing all sorts of trouble. Skipping school, getting into arguments with people, even threatening to just leave on his own(to no specified place). I honestly don't know what I could do with him anymore...He just stays locked in his room all day either on that piano or one of his guitars or blaring music in his ears and gets very easily irritable if anyone bothers him.
Wow...what a bad situation for the both of you. I can clearly see why your son would like to move after all the horrible things that have happened to the both of you. I can also see why it is important for you to stay to retire. Do you have any relatives somewhat close to where you are but more out in the country or in a small town that would consider letting him stay with them? Even if for only a short time just to see how he felt about the new surroundings? The seperation would probably be more then I personally could handle but desperate times require desperate measures sometimes. This is also a difficult age for most boys anyhow. How about the two of you get away on the week-ends as much as possible? Are there any other schools either public or private that he may feel happier in around you? This really is an important issue and should be worked out as best as possible. If I can think of anything else I will surely post it. Best of luck for you both!
I honestly don't blame him for wanting to move. Does he express that he doesn't feel safe? Do you feel safe? You are in a tough situation there. You have a great kid on your hands that is expressing his views the only way he can to grab your attention and to let you know how serious he is. Are there truly no other options for you? Do you have to stay there? Or like someone else said, can he move with a relative? Good luck with everything!
Go see a counselor to get to the root of the problem. You are not going to find the answers you need on a message board.
It's hard to know from reading the few paragraphs above what your son needs right now or what he is going through at school. Since he is only 16, he is not going to tell you everything, or why suddenly, he does not want to be black or living in Detroit. It may be that he is simply not happy, and relates all his unhappiness to living in Detroit. People do this all the time. They think moving to a new location will make them happy.
Another thought is a boarding school for the remainder of high school or send him to live somewhere else this summer. Or possibly send him to live with a relative somewhere else to go to school in another part of the country.
This is a rebellious time for kids. It's a time when they try out new things to try and find out who they are. Like rubber bands, they pull away and then come back when they are ready.
Robbed twice at knife point would do it for me. No further explanation needed. You might be lucky that he hasn't already packed a bag and hit the road.
Boarding school, move in with a friend or family in another location, school transfer, homeschooling...all reasonable solutions.
Three years is short for an adult waiting for a planned retirement. But for a 16 year old who has been robbed at knife point, stays locked in his room, skips school, says he wants to leave..three years is forever.
That is not the kind of life I would consider living. I understand many do live that way but a 16 year old boy? It doesn't sound healthy to me. I'm sure there are other reasons this young mans wants out "plus" these problems. It's probably time to do some serious talking!! Personally I would be very concerned if my son had had this happen to him. Just my personal opinion!
Robbed twice at knife point would do it for me.
Three years is short for an adult waiting for a planned retirement. But for a 16 year old who has been robbed at knife point, stays locked in his room, skips school, says he wants to leave..three years is forever.
Quote:
Originally Posted by carrot juice
Hey, I know plenty of people in NYC who have been robbed a few times, and it doesn't make them want to move.
I've read a few of your posts in other threads carrot and I haven't thought of you as being that callous toward young people. Most of the New Yorkers I know are pretty neurotic and plenty of creative people (Woody Allen "Manhattan") make a good living by saying so
IMHO, The boy is exhibiting the behaviors of post traumatic stress disorder. His personal safety seems to be his over-riding concern.
I've read a few of your posts in other threads carrot and I haven't thought of you as being that callous toward young people. Most of the New Yorkers I know are pretty neurotic and plenty of creative people (Woody Allen "Manhattan") make a good living by saying so
IMHO, The boy is exhibiting the behaviors of post traumatic stress disorder. His personal safety seems to be his over-riding concern.
You don't know what the child's overriding concern is. You're making an assumption. Read my first post again.
Boarding school or moving to a relative's house in another state to attend a different school. How about a cyber school online? Then he can just stay safe at home. During summer send him away to a 5 or 6 week camp in the northeast.
Why would you keep him in an environment where he is robbed at knifepoint TWICE when you make 6 figures? Your income gives you options!
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