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I have recently observed that my 13 year old daughter have started to select friends whose parents think along the same lines we do. I don't know if that is just because it is easier to plan things with them knowing that we trust their parents to think and act the same way we do, or that it means that they actually have started to believe we make sense and only have their best interests in mind. She recently started to have a falling out with her former best friend up north, and have started to express displeasure over her friend's parents parenting skills and have attributed her friend's behavior due to her lack of parental guidance. Are we just lucky?
I think you can by the way you raise them. Our kids have done a very good job selecting friends. I know they have dropped some along the way when they figured out for themselves they weren't the kind of people they want to hang around with. Obviously there will be exceptions to this but for the most part kids tend to gravitate toward kids like them--as do adults.
I have a 9 year old, and I have to say (so far) I've3 been pleased with her choices.
Funny story- her little 'boyfriend' for the past two years invited her over to play saturday. I had never met his mom. So I get on the phone with her friday evening to get directions, etc...
Turns out, we worked together about 9 years ago! Right when she was pregnant with her son! And she has a 2nd son, who is 2 weeks older than my son! lol
Saturday the kids all played and we had a blast talking.
I'm glad to hear this about your daughter! We homeschool, and I have lots of influence over who my kids play with. At their ages though (7 and almost 5), I imagine any parent would... looking forward to the teen years! LOL
I'm glad to hear this about your daughter! We homeschool, and I have lots of influence over who my kids play with. At their ages though (7 and almost 5), I imagine any parent would... looking forward to the teen years! LOL
I think that while our children are young and depend on us for transportation etc. we have a huge impact on who our children choose as friends. Hopefully, this will extend into the teenage years when we don't have as tight a rein on them. My oldest has always picked very nice girls for her friends. I have always gotten along with her friends parents and have felt good about letting her do things with them. My middle daughter has had some issues with choosing wisely. She is more into being popular and has had some poor choices in friends. Since she is 11 I have been able to pretty much control the situation by not allowing her to do anything with these girls outside of school. She can't go to their homes and they can't come to ours. She is also not allowed to use her cell phone minutes to talk with them. (I do check). I simply don't care if these girls like me or not and I don't care if they like her. They are controlling little bit**es and I don't want them around my child. I can't control her hanging around with them at school but I have noticed that she is starting to choose a different crowd to hang with and I can only hope it is because of my efforts to separate her from the other girls. I don't know why she is so set on being accepted into this "popular" group. My oldest daughter has never cared about being popular, she is very comfortable with who she is and could care less about what others think. It is funny how different they are when they have been raised basically the same. Another argument for Nature Vs. Nurture
my experience as a parent is they pick who they want for friends.
my experience as a kid myself is that i pick my own friends.
the more a parent tries to push a kid to do anything (or see anyone) the more likely it is the kid rebels against it and does the opposite
i am always curious and intrigued to see who my kids choose as friends at different ages in their life. they are going to hang out with who they want. i do encourage my kids to tell me what is going on and when i hear things that are alarming (so and so broke a window on purpose, so and so steals, so and so has liquor in the house) it is a chance for me to talk to the boys about consequences to those actions.
but to try to choose for them is a good path to having it backfire. my mom was always trying to trot out so and so as a role model, having no clue that the people she thought were so great were actually drinking and sleeping around (this is 6th grade we're talking about)
i think the best way to have a positive influence is to talk talk talk about the values and listen listen listen to what your kids are telling you. rather than judge or boss, i tend educate the kids about what the consequences are (this leads to jail and this is what jail is like, for instance)
also to parents: don't think necessarily that those families you would pick for your kids to hang out with are the best....things can look great on the outside and all sorts of drinking, abuse, dark things go on, you'd be surprised. trust your kids to use their good judgment, but don't think you can see who would be good for them.
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