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Old 02-06-2017, 12:04 AM
 
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Parents, what is your expectation for how long and how much you should support your children financially? I'm asking because I'm curious... no judgment.

I didn't grow up in a household where it would be assumed I'd continue getting money from my parents (aside from occasional gifts, like birthdays) after I left college and got a job. But I've been meeting more people recently who are in their late 20's and even mid-30's who still get a monthly "allowance" (for lack of a better term) from their parents, ranging from $500 to a few thousand. I also have some friends whose parents are well off but it would never occur to them to keep this arrangement... It seems about as natural to the ones that have this arrangement as it's foreign for the ones that don't! So I guess I'm wondering, is this common at a certain income level? Or culture? Or generation? What's your policy?
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Old 02-06-2017, 06:46 AM
 
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I don't give my adult children an allowance. I have lent money to them with the understanding that it will be payed back. We have also gifted them money before. We are generous with birthday and Christmas gifts but not overboard crazy. I occasionally pick up a just because gift. My husband and I gave them a good start in life and feel like with the exception of a true emergency that our financial responsibility to them is over. We feel like the best thing we can do for them is be financially independent so they don't have to subsidize us in our old age.

I know people who are very wealthy who give their children no money and people who are barely making ends meet who go hungry rather then tell their child no. I think it all goes back to individual parenting styles.
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Old 02-06-2017, 07:16 AM
 
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I agree with ccc123 that it's very individual. I've known very wealthy people who expected their kids to work at a fairly young age, and flat-broke people who give to their kids to their own detriment.

DH and I are mid-30s, and between us we have an older sibling, and 2 younger siblings. All in their 30s. The older one and us help support our parents each month. The youngest is doing fine on their own--doesn't need to give or receive any support. The next youngest one has had less success, has made some bad choices, and is living with parents rent-free (but does contribute with groceries, cooking, cleaning, etc.)
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Old 02-06-2017, 08:41 AM
 
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About 5 years ago, I had a friend who did everything for their kids. The kids were in the 20's and he was paying their car payments, and insurance, and even making doctor's appointments for them.


One day, he had a heart attack and passed away.


It was interesting to watch the children, who had everything given to them to that point, suddenly forced to fend for themselves...in their mid 20's. One child slowly figured it out over the next 1-2 years, and the other simply moved in with the first guy that came along and depends on him to support her.


I plan on falling along the lines of getting my kids out into the real world and on their own as soon as possible. The world is a tough place, my job is to get my kids ready for it, not make it artificially easy.
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Old 02-06-2017, 08:46 AM
 
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Healthy birds leave the nest.
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Old 02-06-2017, 11:04 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ccc123 View Post
We feel like the best thing we can do for them is be financially independent so they don't have to subsidize us in our old age.
Wow I've never thought about it this way before. It's like the complete opposite of a lot of asian cultures, where parents spoil their kids but also teach their kids that it's their duty to take care of them once they get older. Personally I think the way you said it makes sense... helps cut down on wasteful spending I bet.
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Old 02-06-2017, 11:12 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BostonMike7 View Post
About 5 years ago, I had a friend who did everything for their kids. The kids were in the 20's and he was paying their car payments, and insurance, and even making doctor's appointments for them.


One day, he had a heart attack and passed away.


It was interesting to watch the children, who had everything given to them to that point, suddenly forced to fend for themselves...in their mid 20's. One child slowly figured it out over the next 1-2 years, and the other simply moved in with the first guy that came along and depends on him to support her.


I plan on falling along the lines of getting my kids out into the real world and on their own as soon as possible. The world is a tough place, my job is to get my kids ready for it, not make it artificially easy.
This describes well someone I know, whose father pays for pretty much everything for her - car, insurance, furniture, half the cost of her expensive NYC apt, and gives her anything else she may need in the form of gifts. I'm not going to lie, it looks like a damn good life to me lol but I have noticed that her career has stalled to a degree because she never had that fire under her to stay competitive. And her love life too, since she's, well, used to a very high standard of maintenance. She's pretty unhappy.
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Old 02-06-2017, 12:40 PM
 
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Depends on the parents, but depends on the specific kid, as well. E.g. my wife doesn't receive anything from her parents, but her older brother does receive some assistance from time to time, e.g. the parents might pay for a medical expense or the purchase of a craigslist sofa, as he makes very little money. He has ADHD and isn't the sharpest tool in the shed so it's not a matter of simply saying "work harder to get a higher paying job." The parents don't spoil him with unnecessary items or cash, but they have plenty of money and don't want their adult child to be unduly stressed, financially, or having one-time expenses spiral into perpetual interest payments. Seems like a decent balance to me, assuming the parents are financially comfortable and planned on leaving a chunk of money to their kid in the will, anyways.
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Old 02-06-2017, 02:00 PM
 
Location: Marin County, CA
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Many times has a woman walked away from me as a potential significant other because of my background, education, and net worth.

The last laugh is always mine, because the facts don't matter without context, and from my humble beginnings, I am truly successful, and everything I've done, everything I own, I earned with my own money. She may have more than me, have a better formal education, and make more money, but how much would still be there if she went back in time and was left on the street without a dime 16 years old?

You can't buy conviction, self respect, humility, and character.
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Old 02-06-2017, 02:08 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheGoodUsernamesWereTaken View Post
Many times has a woman walked away from me as a potential significant other because of my background, education, and net worth.

The last laugh is always mine, because the facts don't matter without context, and from my humble beginnings, I am truly successful, and everything I've done, everything I own, I earned with my own money. She may have more than me, have a better formal education, and make more money, but how much would still be there if she went back in time and was left on the street without a dime 16 years old?

You can't buy conviction, self respect, humility, and character.
And this has what to do with the topic at hand
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