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"Power in their lives" at 8 years ago old? LOL. I gave my child options at 8. Being disrespectful was never one of them.
Yes "power" or a better word might be control. They have little control over things so they begin to control the things they can like sleep, food and using the bathroom. Some kids have a very hard time handling when things change. If they know they are going to get A then when they don't it's hard to process for some. Kids have limits too and the daughter had hit hers for the day. It's been resolved and if it happens again she's been coached on how to handle it.
I just read the first page and not the whole thread but from the original post, I knew something was wrong with the child. Whatever was going on inside her head was upsetting her.
We forget that children are people with feelings and their concerns are different but they are important to them in the moment. Maybe she didn't want to answer because if she spoke, then she would cry. She was trying to hide her disappointment or how upset she was. I get the feeling that she wasn't being pouty and she appreciated the outing but she was trying not to cry in front of everybody.
The dad deciding to teach her to respect her elders at that moment was a spare-the-rod-and-spoil-the-child mentality. If that is your parenting style, you should have agreed on that.
The Grandma is part of the family and not a special guest. Family is about supporting each other and not knocking each other down.
Yes you do have to teach your kids how to act, but in that case she wasn't acting normal and it was obvious. We all should get a little leeway sometimes to take a time out to clear our head and sort out our feelings or have a good cry.
In that case the father ideally should have noticed that the child wasn't acting right and not pushed it. Later, as did happen, you would talk to her about it and see what was wrong. It could have been a lot of 8 year old things.
Work is slow today so I'd like to posit to you all our latest parenting situation, for fun, and see what you guys think.
My husband and I have 2 kids. My husband's mother retired from teaching last year, and wanted to move down south to be closer to her children (she was pretty much all alone up north). Moving is expensive, and we knew she couldn't afford to get a new place until her old place was rented out, so we offered for her to stay with us until the rental was figured out and she had saved up for a down payment or deposit and some emergency funds. She has been with us 6 months now, as a guest.
Yesterday was Valentines Day and the kids had no homework. So as a special treat, my husband and I took the kids and grandma out to eat and to a movie. After the movie, we were all tired, as we were just getting home at the kids' normal bedtime. My daughter, who is 8 years old, walked in the door and immediately started getting her stuff ready for school tomorrow. Grandma asked her "did you like the movie?" She just shrugged her off and didn't respond. My husband then says to our daughter "grandma asked if you liked the movie? Yes or no?" She again doesn't respond and starts heading to the bedroom to go to bed. Grandma looks all pitiful at my husband, as if her feelings are hurt. My husband then says "why won't you answer your grandma? Don't make me angry!" At which point she stops and just starts to cry without saying anything. My husband then says "if you don't answer your grandma, then you are grounded tomorrow". She continues to cry, and not say anything. So he grounds her. She then goes to her room, gets in bed, and continues crying.
Once the kids were out of earshot, I told my husband that he was wrong, he shouldn't be punishing our child for not wanting to chat and wanting to go to bed. His stance was that she disrespected grandma by not answering her question, and then disobeyed him by not answering his questions, and should be punished because it sets a precedent for not having to answer to your elders.
After the kids went to bed, my husband and I had a long talk and resolved this. But I want to know, who's side would you guys be on? Who was right? Was what our daughter did a "punishable offense"?
I side with your darling hubby. Kids need to be taught the basic courtesy's of answering an adult when they ask a question. Especially a grandmother. Your daughter sounds like a spoiled brat, to be honest. The crying for no reason was petulance. You need to nip this behavior.
Those commenting that the child is spoiled or manipulative need to keep in mind that per the OP, the girl didnt know any better. Heck the OP did not seem to understand that not answering is considered rude. The OP brought up one issue, not a plethora of recurring behavior. It seems a jump to assume based on one evening, the girl is spoiled or manipulative. At the end of a long day, any one of us can "have a moment".
Those commenting that the child is spoiled or manipulative need to keep in mind that per the OP, the girl didnt know any better. Heck the OP did not seem to understand that not answering is considered rude. The OP brought up one issue, not a plethora of recurring behavior. It seems a jump to assume based on one evening, the girl is spoiled or manipulative. At the end of a long day, any one of us can "have a moment".
So many opinions! Here's my 2 cents worth, lol.
The poor kid was tired & disappointed at not getting the PROMISED ice-cream.
In that situation, I'd definitely negotiate a compromise where the child agrees. For e.g. 'I didn't realise the time. What if we have ice-cream after school tomorrow?'
Your daughter wasn't rude, a shrugs a response.
Your husband over-reacted (was he ALSO tired & grumpy?) A grandmother of all people should know how to deal with a tired child. I learnt not to push things when a child's tired/upset/disappointed & would put off discussion till later if necessary.
Why? Because she didn't answer GM's question? People really assume a lot on these boards!
Well the OP did say that she didn't know how to get her to move into an apartment of her own. If the OP is tired of her, the daughter probably is too.
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