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The Grandmother was hurt that the grand kid did not answer her. Was this a normal action on the grand kids part? If this was an isolated incident then the grandmother should have asked the grand kid if something was bothering her. Maybe the Ice cream was a big deal to the kid. Who knows. The grand mother is an adult and should not be getting upset at what kids think of her. She should have never placed the dad in a situation such as this.
The grand kid probably let something get to her. It happens with many people. Maybe distracted or something or it could have been the ice cream. Who knows. Lets say it was the ice cream. I would be upset to and I am not a kid. So we ask the kid if anything is wrong. The kids answers that something is wrong or maybe it is the ice cream. The reason I ask because this seems to be an isolated incident. If it was a normal event it should have been taken care of long ago. In any event, ask and then inform. You could say that it is important to answer adults, especially parents and grand parents.
The dad went over board. He is an adult but still trying to do everything to make his mom happy. he should be focusing on his wife and kids.
As it is no one knows why the grand kid was upset.
Sounds like the daughter was tired and ready for bed. She shrugged her shoulders as her response. Dad went too far. Grandma should have said we'll chat tomorrow and good night. Not everyone is a Chatty Cathy when it's their bedtime. And dad needs to seriously chill. He's in for years of struggles if he continues this way. Remember, a child's youth is gone in the blink of an eye. In a blink, she'll be gone to college, her own apartment, etc. Then he'll be stuck with his memories of that 452 times he yelled at her and punished her over silly things that he blew way out of proportion. Why doesn't she call or visit? Thank dad. I've seen this with so many friends and family over the years.
Interesting. So I'm getting that most of you agree that my daughter owed her grandmother the courtesy of answering her, and that to not answer her was misbehavior. I may have to rethink my view then. Last night I remember being fairly adamant that while our daughter was obligated to answer to me or her father, she had no such obligation to grandma, who is merely a guest in our house, and not a member of the household that our daughter is beholden to.
But if most of you are thinking that she is obligated to be nice to grandma, I must conclude that I am in the wrong in this respect, and must be feeling the stress of having a non-contributing guest in the house for 6 months, and am starting to be unreasonable. I'm upset about grandma, and taking it out on husband. This is good to know.
I guess that begs question number 2. How do I get grandma out without being disrespectful? Her old house has been rented, and she has been working a part time job at the senior center for a few months now. She keeps saying that she has not yet saved up enough money, but then she keeps spending her money needlessly. Shopping, out to eat, gifts for the grandkids, table decorations, pedicures, a new tablet, etc. Not excessive (it was a cheap tablet), but she's spending at least an extra $100-$200 a week on things she doesn't need. I wouldn't care except, well, she doesn't seem to be planning to go anywhere. Ever. And I know I invited her and told her she could stay as long as she needed... I just didn't think we'd get this far... Gah. This is totally my fault too isn't it guys.
Your family was your family for years. Now all of a sudden a new person was thrown into the mix. A person who doesn't have the same rules or responsibilities.
Sounds like you need to talk to your husband and come up with a plan for grandma. Grandma needs to be moved out by such and such date. Getting her out is NOT going to be easy! And if hubby doesn't want to push her to move, then you're screwed.
Sounds like the daughter was tired and ready for bed. She shrugged her shoulders as her response. Dad went too far. Grandma should have said we'll chat tomorrow and good night. Not everyone is a Chatty Cathy when it's their bedtime. And dad needs to seriously chill. He's in for years of struggles if he continues this way. Remember, a child's youth is gone in the blink of an eye. In a blink, she'll be gone to college, her own apartment, etc. Then he'll be stuck with his memories of that 452 times he yelled at her and punished her over silly things that he blew way out of proportion. Why doesn't she call or visit? Thank dad. I've seen this with so many friends and family over the years.
Good Grief, talk about "slippery slope arguments"! All the way to: She's never going to visit you when she grows up!
The OP was not asking what Grandmother should have done. (That applies to the poster above you, too.) She wanted to know who was right, her or her DH.
Your post reads as if we should never discipline our kids at all! I know you're not trying to imply that, but still. Dad probably realizes he went too far. Maybe they'll all "kiss and make up" today.
I have to say, I've had similar things happen when I tried to give the kids a treat like that. Sometimes I wondered if it was worth it.
And my kids are still talking to me, and visiting me.
Last edited by Katarina Witt; 02-15-2017 at 03:50 PM..
He most likely wants her moved out also but doesn't have the will or guts to tell her that.
It's being a grown up. We have to do things we don't like all the time. How many people truly enjoy getting up at the crack or dawn, sitting in traffic, and working all day? Not many, but we suck it up.
He could be a momma's boy and love having mom live with him....so she's there to take care of him. Mom gave him the Bambi eyes when the granddaughter didn't want to talk and he jumped right on in there defending her honor. He could have stayed out of it.
Good Grief, talk about "slippery slope arguments"! All the way to: She's never going to visit you when she grows up!
The OP was not asking what Grandmother should have done. (That applies to the poster above you, too.) She wanted to know who was right, her or her DH.
Your post reads as if we should never discipline our kids at all! I know you're not trying to imply that, but still. Dad probably realizes he went too far. Maybe they'll all "kiss and make up" today.
I have to say, I've had similar things happen when I tried to give the kids a treat like that. And my kids are still talking to me, and visiting me.
Where did I say kids should never be disciplined? Oh that's right. I didn't say that. Dad went way overboard. Chances are high this wasn't the first time he went overboard. Probably won't be the last either since he's so quick to escalate matters.
I grew up with a mother who yelled at me for every little thing. I moved out the as soon as I could. Later in life I moved a thousand miles away. I know many people who have done this. I know many people who have left their parents because of issues from their childhood.
Sounds like the daughter was tired and ready for bed. She shrugged her shoulders as her response. Dad went too far. Grandma should have said we'll chat tomorrow and good night. Not everyone is a Chatty Cathy when it's their bedtime. And dad needs to seriously chill. He's in for years of struggles if he continues this way. Remember, a child's youth is gone in the blink of an eye. In a blink, she'll be gone to college, her own apartment, etc. Then he'll be stuck with his memories of that 452 times he yelled at her and punished her over silly things that he blew way out of proportion. Why doesn't she call or visit? Thank dad. I've seen this with so many friends and family over the years.
My mom grounded me for the stupidest things. Things that I still think are stupid 30 years later and I'm also a parent.
She once got so mad and grounded me for taking my comforter to my friends house when I was around 12/13. Friend had a single bed and I slept on the floor. I brought my blanket and pillow. She actually called me at my friend's house to see if I had my comforter with me.
She also grounded me for accidentally dropping a gallon of milk. I had to walk down to the store to get it and walk back. It slipped from my hands.
When brought up she got really defensive and upset and tried to tell me she never grounded me for those silly things.
Strange that your daughter just wouldn't answer the question but IMO your husband overreacted. I don't know what would be an "appropriate" punishment but a talk, like "it's not nice and it's disrespectful to just ignore people (though of course not ALL people) who are talking to you, there are better ways to handle that if you don't feel like talking," would definitely be warranted.
I would be most unhappy with my children if they had treated someone like that much less their grandmothers.
There is no excuse for rudeness and disrespect and missing ice cream is no reason at all.
Dad might have been a little too much in some eyes but to me he was clear what the disrespect was and why it was offensive and he gave her a chance to do over. And he was setting the boundaries for her in the upcoming preteen and teen years.
What he did makes sense to me.
If I were MIL, I would not want to stay in someone else house for 6 months. She must already be uncomfortable, perhaps your family as well.
My grown children talk about me moving in with them but unless they have a little house out back I hope it doesn't come to that.
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