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I know there are the obvious considerations, such as making sure you can take care of a child financially and emotionally, etc. But aside from that - how did you decide 'now' was the time?
Emotionally, I feel ready to start that chapter in my life. I'm going to be 28 in April, and my SO is 35. We have a great relationship going, and both of us are on the same page - we're emotionally ready.
I continuously have a strong fear of finances though. Neither of us live lavishly, and I'm the type to save money for a rainy day rather than spend it immediately. But at the same time . . . I haven't really started a career yet, and I'm not sure if I will reach 'career' level any time soon, mostly because I have no idea what I even want to do.
So I'm thinking, I could wait another couple of years - until I'm 30 - and see if things are any different with a career. But then if they're not good, I'm still just working 'jobs', I'll most likely postpone again and again. And I do fear that I'll postpone so much due to fear of my career and finances, that it will get to the point that I'm unable to conceive. My SO, being 35, also fears having children too late in the game.
What about you? How did you deicide? Did you have the same fears?
look , if your in a trusting relationship, you see yourselves together and have each others back, dont wait or plan, just do it. Do you have insurance, a job, space? just let it happen.
It is not expensive really. Welcome to costco and walmart! Welcome to the IRA and 401k! time to give up frivolous useless spending.
what made me decide? a little whisper in my ear, "what are you in a committed relationship for ( we were married)? no one is going to tell you "hey its time?" let it happen, have fun, splash away!
Everything will fall into place. If SO says lets go, and SO has that serious sparkle in their eyes, it is time. You already know sacrifice, how to save, how to manage time, how to care for yourself, so step up.
There were several things. First, we had been married a little over a year when we decided to try for a baby, and I felt that our marriage was in a good, stable place.
Secondly, we had recently bought a house (having moved from a one-bedroom apartment), so we had enough space.
Thirdly, we had a reasonably good support system, with my in-laws nearby and a small but close group of friends at our church who were also starting to have children.
And finally, my husband was doing well enough at work that we knew we would be fine with just his income. I wanted to stay home with my child(ren). I know plenty of mothers put their babies in full-time daycare at 6 weeks or 3 months and they all do just fine, but that was not for me.
We knew we were ready when we were willing to sacrifice anything to have a baby. Literally anything. We were both established in our careers, owned a home and saved up 6 months of living expenses including daycare. The way I knew I was ready was when I could really put someone else before myself. That said there's no perfect time...you're ready when you are willing to sacrifice everything for another human.
I know there are the obvious considerations, such as making sure you can take care of a child financially and emotionally, etc. But aside from that - how did you decide 'now' was the time?
Emotionally, I feel ready to start that chapter in my life. I'm going to be 28 in April, and my SO is 35. We have a great relationship going, and both of us are on the same page - we're emotionally ready.
I continuously have a strong fear of finances though. Neither of us live lavishly, and I'm the type to save money for a rainy day rather than spend it immediately. But at the same time . . . I haven't really started a career yet, and I'm not sure if I will reach 'career' level any time soon, mostly because I have no idea what I even want to do.
So I'm thinking, I could wait another couple of years - until I'm 30 - and see if things are any different with a career. But then if they're not good, I'm still just working 'jobs', I'll most likely postpone again and again. And I do fear that I'll postpone so much due to fear of my career and finances, that it will get to the point that I'm unable to conceive. My SO, being 35, also fears having children too late in the game.
What about you? How did you deicide? Did you have the same fears?
I peed on a stick and ended up with two lines. I have been winging it ever since.
When to have kids? Same answer I gave in a similar post a while ago: The time to have kids is when you're ready to take the greatest leap of faith you'll ever make:
"There are absolutely no guarantees about anything when you decide to have a kid. You can't take it back. You don't know if you'll end up with a serial killer and drug addict or a Nobel Peace Prize winner or something in between. You don't know if any of the decisions you make about child-rearing will ultimately turn out right or end disastrously. You don't know if your child will be plagued by intractable, even fatal, health problems or live a long and healthy life and comfort you in your old age. You don't know if the world they'll inherit will be lovely and peaceful or wracked with war and pestilence. In short, having a kid is as huge a risk as can ever be imagined.
But people do it anyway. We decided we were ready for those risks in our late thirties. I can't pinpoint something specific that made us ready except the idea that despite all the horrible possibilities we might ultimately bring something to the world that would make it a better place and along the way, also make us more caring, sensitive, and empathetic people.
So far, that's exactly what's happened. But we count our blessings because it didn't have to turn out that way."
One thing to think about is how many kids you think you might want to have, spacing, and by what age ideally you'd like to be done with pregnancy. I was unsure, but some couples have strong ideas on this. If you want a big family, you may want to start trying sooner. If you want one child, then waiting a couple years seems like no big deal.
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I have been winging it ever since.
