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Not sure if this is me personally, but I will give my personal opinion.
Yes this is your house and you have some say, but you are talking about a grown adult here (even though she is 20 - she is still an adult). As an adult she can do whatever she wants, which includes her being able to go to her room and hangout with her boyfriend.
It is also true other people still living at home at that age (most people) are allowed to have their boyfriend/girlfriend in their rooms, they can cuddle on the couch, etc. They are grown adults, not middle school or high school.
This is how you end up losing your daughter even if you do not realize it. She would just do that stuff at his house, or secretly wish she had normal parents, or even move out just to do what she wants. Thats how some parents never see it coming because they are close-minded so they dont see any of that coming until it does. If you are open-minded and let her do as she wants like any other adult, then it lessens the chances drastically.
the bolded seems more ideal than just smashing in front of the parents ?
Not sure if this is me personally, but I will give my personal opinion.
Yes this is your house and you have some say, but you are talking about a grown adult here (even though she is 20 - she is still an adult). As an adult she can do whatever she wants, which includes her being able to go to her room and hangout with her boyfriend.
It is also true other people still living at home at that age (most people) are allowed to have their boyfriend/girlfriend in their rooms, they can cuddle on the couch, etc. They are grown adults, not middle school or high school.
This is how you end up losing your daughter even if you do not realize it. She would just do that stuff at his house, or secretly wish she had normal parents, or even move out just to do what she wants. Thats how some parents never see it coming because they are close-minded so they dont see any of that coming until it does. If you are open-minded and let her do as she wants like any other adult, then it lessens the chances drastically.
She cannot do whatever she wants. If she wants to do that she can move out. My house, my rules. Please don't draw a line in the sand and say if I can't be with my boyfriend in my room I will move out. That won't end well for you.
I remember being young and wanting to be with my gf sexually but knew it was not appropriate in my parents house. You know what I did? I respected them enough to NOT do that. I survived and didn't make idle threats about moving out unless I got my way.
Excuse me?
Totally dependent?
Like hell I am.
I don't see how paying my bills makes me dependent.
Whatever.
The OP didn't share your same mindset.
She decided to whine and cry about her daughter spending the night at the boyfriends house instead of at home.
Which is really stupid.
Someone else who pays your bills, if you could not survive without their help, is someone you depend upon, hence you are dependent. Maybe you are not as dependent as you would be if they also cooked your dinner for you and took out the trash for you, but still dependent.
Not sure if this is me personally, but I will give my personal opinion.
Yes this is your house and you have some say, but you are talking about a grown adult here (even though she is 20 - she is still an adult). As an adult she can do whatever she wants, which includes her being able to go to her room and hangout with her boyfriend.
It is also true other people still living at home at that age (most people) are allowed to have their boyfriend/girlfriend in their rooms, they can cuddle on the couch, etc. They are grown adults, not middle school or high school.
This is how you end up losing your daughter even if you do not realize it. She would just do that stuff at his house, or secretly wish she had normal parents, or even move out just to do what she wants. Thats how some parents never see it coming because they are close-minded so they dont see any of that coming until it does. If you are open-minded and let her do as she wants like any other adult, then it lessens the chances drastically.
The daughter has zero say. She can't do what ever she wants in her parents house. When she moves out and gets her own place then she can do what she wants.
It's just like if other relatives or friends come to your house: they must respect your rules & if they don't like it, then tough, they can leave.
The only scenario where I'd say the parent canNOT dictate is if it's a situation where the home belongs to the adult child instead of belonging to the parents.
But most parents are sane enough to know they cannot go to their adult children's homes and make rules.
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