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So many parents nowadays are just plain tired from all the demands put upon them at work that they end up overindulging their kids just to ease their own guilt.
I always think this is a cop-out. My parents were divorced, mom worked FT, and my dad worked shift work so on top of him not living with us, there were times we didn't even see him on our scheduled visitation because of his work schedule, but still they parented and did not indulge. I'm sure they felt guilty at times that they weren't able to make it to every game or every class trip, but they never NEVER let that guilt get in the way of their job as our parents. I'm glad they were like this.
What happens when the child, thinking he/she is equal to everyone, joins the work force after HS/College and gets his/her first performance review that is not-so-stellar. Many twenty-somethings don't know how to handle it. They've been told by their parental "friends" that they are wonderful at all times.
I always think this is a cop-out. My parents were divorced, mom worked FT, and my dad worked shift work so on top of him not living with us, there were times we didn't even see him on our scheduled visitation because of his work schedule, but still they parented and did not indulge. I'm sure they felt guilty at times that they weren't able to make it to every game or every class trip, but they never NEVER let that guilt get in the way of their job as our parents. I'm glad they were like this.
I think her point was that today many parents let their guilt get to them. I wish I had an explanation as to why this is. I've been thinking about this question since the OP brought it up.
I think her point was that today many parents let their guilt get to them.
Right. As to why, well I would chalk it up to our instant gratification super-sized society. We want what we want when we want it, and we want it all BIG!
The wants don't end where parenting begins. I mean, if you are working 50+ hours a week, why not spend some of that hard earned cash on your kids? I think this is where the guilt comes in.
Right. As to why, well I would chalk it up to our instant gratification super-sized society. We want what we want when we want it, and we want it all BIG!
The wants don't end where parenting begins. I mean, if you are working 50+ hours a week, why not spend some of that hard earned cash on your kids? I think this is where the guilt comes in.
Oh-I got that. I didn't mean it to say I thought YOU were copping out, I just meant in general when I hear parents say, "well, I work so much and feel bad so I get her a toy everytime we go out or I let him eat doritos for dinner so he wasn't mad at me" or things like that, that I think it's a cop out. It's a hard job, and you can't always be the good guy-or what they think is a good guy-and some parents need to develop tougher skin. If that kind of thing works for their house, then so be it, but I feel bad for the kids when they figure out the rest of the world doesn't feel bad for them b/c mom or dad had to work late.
He also said that more educated and affluent parents were less in favor of using physical punishment because they tended ''to be more well-read'' about alternative ways to discipline children.
This article states that there are economic reasons. Lower income families are more apt to spank due to not having other options, or at least being aware of other options. The higher the family income, the less tendency to physically punish, due to other options such as taking away allowance or video games. Of course higher income could also be connected to better educated as well.
Just some reasons why physical punishment does not occur as often anymore, people are better educated than their parents and in better financial situatons...
I always think this is a cop-out. My parents were divorced, mom worked FT, and my dad worked shift work so on top of him not living with us, there were times we didn't even see him on our scheduled visitation because of his work schedule, but still they parented and did not indulge. I'm sure they felt guilty at times that they weren't able to make it to every game or every class trip, but they never NEVER let that guilt get in the way of their job as our parents. I'm glad they were like this.
You are so right about this. I have had friends that have flat out told me they refuse to discipline their children because they are at work so much and don't want to be the bad guy. Now as a result, their kids are holy terrors, go figure.
I think what has happened to parents today is they all think that their child is the best thing in the world. In theory this is a good thing, in practice it leads to a lot of problems. Their child always has to be first, best, whatever. It starts in toddlerhood on the playground where mom pushes other kids out of the way so THEIR child can go down the slide first. Then it moves into the school world where the parents feel the need to intervene in EVERY little thing that happens with their child. Too many parents automatically assume that the SCHOOL did something wrong vs their child doing something wrong. The message the kids get is "I can do anything I want in school because my mom will back me up" Great .
Take it over to the sports scene--EVERY child is the next Michael Jordan don't you know. You have parents fighting in the stands, KILLING other parents or players so their kid can get a spot on the team.
My husband has gotten phone calls at WORK from parents of people he has interviewed and didn't hire. Parents YELLING at him because how could he possibly not hire their little precious. These are for jobs that require a college degree, not 16 year olds.
When parenting moved from a dictatorship to a democracy, all thing went to heck. There is NOTHING wrong with telling your child the reason for your decision is simply 'because I said so". You don't always have to have a reason, you are the parent.
Another thing that has happened is kids have NO responsibilities any longer. Too many parents want their kids to be kids and enjoy their childhood. Well that is all well and good but spending a couple hours a week helping around the house isn't going to spoil their childhood. Make them clean their room. I had a roommate in college that had NO CLUE how to do anything around our apartment. She didn't even know how to change a roll of toilet paper--it was REALLY sad. Her mom said it was just easier for her to do it then to teach the kids. No, really? Of course it is easier and faster to do it yourself but how in the heck are they going to learn??
You are so right about this. I have had friends that have flat out told me they refuse to discipline their children because they are at work so much and don't want to be the bad guy. Now as a result, their kids are holy terrors, go figure.
I think what has happened to parents today is they all think that their child is the best thing in the world. In theory this is a good thing, in practice it leads to a lot of problems. Their child always has to be first, best, whatever. It starts in toddlerhood on the playground where mom pushes other kids out of the way so THEIR child can go down the slide first. Then it moves into the school world where the parents feel the need to intervene in EVERY little thing that happens with their child. Too many parents automatically assume that the SCHOOL did something wrong vs their child doing something wrong. The message the kids get is "I can do anything I want in school because my mom will back me up" Great .
Take it over to the sports scene--EVERY child is the next Michael Jordan don't you know. You have parents fighting in the stands, KILLING other parents or players so their kid can get a spot on the team.
My husband has gotten phone calls at WORK from parents of people he has interviewed and didn't hire. Parents YELLING at him because how could he possibly not hire their little precious. These are for jobs that require a college degree, not 16 year olds.
When parenting moved from a dictatorship to a democracy, all thing went to heck. There is NOTHING wrong with telling your child the reason for your decision is simply 'because I said so". You don't always have to have a reason, you are the parent.
Another thing that has happened is kids have NO responsibilities any longer. Too many parents want their kids to be kids and enjoy their childhood. Well that is all well and good but spending a couple hours a week helping around the house isn't going to spoil their childhood. Make them clean their room. I had a roommate in college that had NO CLUE how to do anything around our apartment. She didn't even know how to change a roll of toilet paper--it was REALLY sad. Her mom said it was just easier for her to do it then to teach the kids. No, really? Of course it is easier and faster to do it yourself but how in the heck are they going to learn??
Totally agree.
But I think you can have a structured home without you being a dictator.
Or maybe its just more of a benevolent dictator? LOL!
THere are chores that are not negotiable. You will take out the garbage. You will promptly put clean clothes away. You will excuse yourself from the table.
But if you don't like squash - just taste it. Hate dinner? Get yourself a PB&J.
Screw up on your spelling test? Let's talk.
But yeah, you really have to be willing to be the bad guy sometimes to hold the line.
Sorry but this is just more psycho babble that perpetuates my original post. I NEVER said I beat my child or hurt him. He does get spanked when he does something really bad (which is not often) but guess what? It's what works for him to really grasp that it doesn't need to be done again. For other things, taking away his Xbox 360 works wonders. But I'm so glad to know you are such a wonderful disciplinarian and your kids are just perfect. My son isn't perfect and he does sometimes act out both at home and in public. I'm amazed at how many people on this board have perfectly behaved children. Give me a break! I wish people would get a grip and understand that spanking and beating are not one and the same. If you choose not to use it in your home, fine. But get off your high horse and quit judging what works for others!
I'm talking about kids on phones. I'm talking about parents always on their phones ignoring their children. My son is way too young at 8 for a phone of his own.
Our oldest never had one he is 23 and our youngest got one at 14/15 because of after school activities and tournaments that sort of thing. So we could track him... LOL...
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I didn't mean it to say I thought YOU were copping out, I just meant in general when I hear parents say, "well, I work so much and feel bad so I get her a toy everytime we go out or I let him eat doritos for dinner so he wasn't mad at me" or things like that, that I think it's a cop out. It's a hard job, and you can't always be the good guy-or what they think is a good guy-and some parents need to develop tougher skin. If that kind of thing works for their house, then so be it, but I feel bad for the kids when they figure out the rest of the world doesn't feel bad for them b/c mom or dad had to work late.
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