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My son who was a straight A student went through this in second grade. We had left an abusive home, so that was a big part of this....as well as his being a perfectionist. Between his teacher and I we helped him get through a bad episode when he got his first B. He went on through school excelling, and was on the Presidents list in 6th grade, receiving a letter from President Clinton...all without that anxiety thank goodness.
It is heartbreaking when you see your child go through this type anxiety. Talking to her is a good thing, not discounting her but helping her cope is the best thing that you can do.
Getting her help so that she can verbalize and gain some control is going to be helpful. Empower her so that she can express those fears that have her stomach churning that is the best thing that you can do. You sound like a great mother, and you are on the right path.
Here are a couple of things that I would suggest from what you've written.
She is fearful in her room. Can you swap her room out for her brother's room. Being on the street side of the house has her afraid....obviously she can't control the noises, but if she doesn't have to hear them that would help.
If a room swap isn't possible, perhaps make sure that she knows that she can climb up on the top bunk in her brothers room whenever she feels she needs to. Or, buy her a whistle or something loud that she can control...even a window alarm may make her feel less afraid.
Have you taken her to the regular doctor....a check up physically, and check on allergies re: the stomach ache....at least rule that out. It also could be simply stress and anxiety....and you are working on identifying the reasons she may be having anxiety.
There are also children's books that deal with anxiety. The point is to read with them, and it helps children verbalize since your child is young enough to not have all the words yet that she may need to tell you what is bothering her. https://www.amazon.com/s/?ie=UTF8&ke...l_4gfzhm3lxd_b
This suggestion maybe rather too 'woo' for you and you may prefer to go the orthodox route. Thats fine too.
Check out something called EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). It was developed by Gary Craig from another tapping therapy by Carrington and involves tapping gently on acupuncture points on the face and hands and upper body. It is very good for fears of all kinds and is gentle, non-invasive, and takes a few minutes to do. You can do it yourself and costs nothing to learn (maybe 15 minutes time). Generally great for kids as you can make it into a game if you want.
It takes about 2 minutes per round and you probably need 2-5 rounds. Often these main fears can be dispelled in one or two. Look it up on Google and read about it and see if you think its a good idea. The DIY manual used to be free from the official website (Gold Standard EFT Tapping Therapy) and there are probably EFT therapists near to you who will give a 30 minute free 'taster'.
If your daughter is nervous of the gentle tapping, you can do it on yourself and it is said that it works on surrogates too. (so it works on her if you tap on yourself). There are usually several 'layers' to fears but sometimes the effects of EFT are amazingly good.
One of my sons, who has always been very anxious, began to show signs of not being able to deal with it in third grade.
His teacher that year apparently was a "yeller," and this particular son not only did not respond to yelling but began to dread school with the same symptoms you describe in your daughter. The teacher wasn't even yelling at him! He just did not want to be around it, and it affected him in a lot of ways.
We took him to a play therapist, at the recommendation of my personal therapist, and he began to see her once a week for several weeks.
In the sessions, the therapist had a these very cool dioramas, for lack of a better word, with lots of different kinds of items you could add to create your own scene. He would spend the entire session messing around with that diorama and she might ask him guided questions or she might not. I was in a waiting room outside. She took a photo of his "creation" at the end of each session.
After one session in which he did not speak at all, I asked the therapist what good it did for him to be there (I was skeptical at first). She said that if he used that hour to completely relax, it was good for him as a stress reliever.
At any rate, he got through that time and was able to sort out some stuff. Oh, and that teacher left halfway through the year, thank goodness. My son is 20 and still deals with anxiety but has real coping skills in place now.
We go through bouts of this with my DS who is 8.5 now. For him there are always big emotional upheavals for the first 3mos after his birthday every year. This also happens to be when he has his yearly physical. He can work himself into such a lather about the physical and getting the shot, etc. that it will keep him up at night. He will pre-worry about things that will happen far far inthe future. Once we are passed that 3mo or so he settles in and becomes more even keeled. I have no idea what this is about other than developmental leaps forward. I have heard tell of kids regressing emotionally a month or so before their birthdays, as well. DS's leaps backwards happen right after his birthday, but are consistent.
So one thing I do is not tell him about any appoinments until we are actually leaving for it, which has completely eliminated the doctor/dentist freakouts. If it is something he knows about and is worried about we do role play of what the experience will be like to difuse the anxiety. So I will be the doctor or I will be the audience or whatever, so he gets a run through. Right now he has a splinter which is, for him, one of his greatest fear/pain/freakout issues. I am leaving it alone and letting him decide how he wants to try to get it out and letting him control the situation. I explained that if it becomes infected that is his body deciding that the splinter must come out but he gets to decide how. We have only lost one day of sleep to this splinter which I consider a win.
My son who was a straight A student went through this in second grade.
She is fearful in her room. Can you swap her room out for her brother's room. Being on the street side of the house has her afraid....obviously she can't control the noises, but if she doesn't have to hear them that would help.
If a room swap isn't possible, perhaps make sure that she knows that she can climb up on the top bunk in her brothers room whenever she feels she needs to. Or, buy her a whistle or something loud that she can control...even a window alarm may make her feel less afraid.
Have you taken her to the regular doctor....a check up physically, and check on allergies re: the stomach ache....at least rule that out. It also could be simply stress and anxiety....and you are working on identifying the reasons she may be having anxiety.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
One of my sons, who has always been very anxious, began to show signs of not being able to deal with it in third grade.
His teacher that year apparently was a "yeller," and this particular son not only did not respond to yelling but began to dread school with the same symptoms you describe in your daughter. The teacher wasn't even yelling at him! He just did not want to be around it, and it affected him in a lot of ways.
My daughter and I were discussing bedtime yesterday and I suggested that she try again to sleep her in her brother's top bunk. She went and asked him and he said ok. Yesterday at bedtime, my son got the top bunk ready for her by giving her extra blankets, pillows and some of his stuffed animals. I thought it was very sweet. They may fight like cats and dogs sometimes but it's nice to know when it comes down to it they have each others backs. I also had her find her earphones so if she woke up in the night and got scared she could put her ear phones so she wouldn't hear anything. She said she only woke up once around 4am and again at 6:15 but was able to fall back asleep both times.
She asked me this morning if we could move her bed as it's on the wall that has the window (She also has bunk beds). So we will move her room around.
She does have some allergies. I will start her on her zyrtec April 1st or so so that it has time to build up when she needs it. She loves to swim so we go to our neighborhood pool quite a bit once it opens and she always gets real snotty and headaches (this happens at all pools not just ours).I've talked to a couple of doctors about it and they tell me that pollen settles on the top of the pool and that's what's causing it. I've tried nose clips but they make her different so she won't wear them. I plan to actually talk to the ENT about it on Monday.
My daughter is in a Mandarin Immersion program and last year was the first year of the program as a whole in our county. They started it at her ES and opened it to rising K and 1st graders. The 1st grade class essentially learned two years worth in one year. Her teacher wasn't the warmest and yelled a lot. If the kids got something wrong the paper was ripped up (according to her) and they had to redo. Last year it was headaches at least a couple of times a week around this time of year.
This year her teacher is very warm and bubbly. She is much better with the kids and they have really learned a lot. There haven't been any headaches or stomachaches until this week. Testing is over (they get tested twice. Reading/Math in English and in Mandarin). Progress reports came out last week and E is doing great. She is speaking up more in class and participating (E is pretty shy and does not like to be the center of attention in any way. She loves to laugh and be funny so you'd think she'd like the attention).
There's also been some mean girl stuff happening in the class as they didn't mix up the students like they were supposed to from last year. So she has the same kids in her class as last year. That's why the school psychologist started the friendship group. It's really helped E and she talks about it every week and looks forward to it.
We go through bouts of this with my DS who is 8.5 now. For him there are always big emotional upheavals for the first 3mos after his birthday every year. This also happens to be when he has his yearly physical. He can work himself into such a lather about the physical and getting the shot, etc. that it will keep him up at night. He will pre-worry about things that will happen far far inthe future. Once we are passed that 3mo or so he settles in and becomes more even keeled. I have no idea what this is about other than developmental leaps forward. I have heard tell of kids regressing emotionally a month or so before their birthdays, as well. DS's leaps backwards happen right after his birthday, but are consistent.
So one thing I do is not tell him about any appoinments until we are actually leaving for it, which has completely eliminated the doctor/dentist freakouts. If it is something he knows about and is worried about we do role play of what the experience will be like to difuse the anxiety. So I will be the doctor or I will be the audience or whatever, so he gets a run through. Right now he has a splinter which is, for him, one of his greatest fear/pain/freakout issues. I am leaving it alone and letting him decide how he wants to try to get it out and letting him control the situation. I explained that if it becomes infected that is his body deciding that the splinter must come out but he gets to decide how. We have only lost one day of sleep to this splinter which I consider a win.
What happens once you get to the appt? That's why I tell E as I don't want her to completely lose it at the dentist or doc office. I make my son's appt with hers dentist wise so they go at the same time. She isn't to bad but her ear situation happened the night she went to the dentist and I hope she doesn't associate them.
Yes. E had a small piece of glass in her foot about 3/4 months ago. It was right at the top and I needed tweezers to get it out. My neighbor came over with hers and we got it out but all the while you would think we were killing her. She got a thorn in her foot about a month ago and really panicked about it but she got it out and then calmed herself down. I dread her 10 year vaccinations.
Hopefully it's anxiety triggered by a specific event that's just temporarily spiraling, but honestly, what you're saying about starting to "fake" being sick to get out of things reminds me a lot of me and untreated generalized anxiety disorder really screwed up my life for many, many years. I also started to "fake" being sick around age 5 - I was so anxious about school and other social situations that I would make myself ill. I was a frequent flyer in my school's nurses office even though I did very well in school. By 7, I was having what I now recognize as panic attacks and was afraid to look out the window in my very safe neighborhood at night in case someone was there. By 9, I was pulling out chunks of hair. By 12, I was hitting my wrists against hard objects until my entire forearms were bruised because the physical pain drowned out some of the constant tension in my mind. I got a full tuition scholarship to my dream college on the other side of the country, but was so paralyzed by anxiety that I didn't get to know my professors, rarely spoke in class, and would talk myself out of going to social events. It wasn't until after college that I stopped blaming myself for my out of control emotions, got a name for the disorder, and got help.
Some people have out of whack brain chemistry. While I'm now able to control my anxiety without any medication, I needed the coping mechanisms to deal with it first through therapy. Had I gotten therapy when I first started showing signs of extreme anxiety in elementary school, I wouldn't have spent so many years secretly miserable. Granted, my parents were medically neglectful and emotionally abusive, so that certainly didn't help my anxiety!
It is so good that you're taking this seriously. Reassure her with her fears, but don't minimize them. They are very real fears for her, whether or not they're actual risks! I tend to think childhood anxiety is a lot more common than many realize, and it needs to be treated seriously.
I have a 10 year old daughter (almost 11). She has been a worrier from the beginning, but not that bad in the sense that I needed to take her to the doctor. In the last 2 years though it has got a lot worse. She picks at her fingers and bites her nails to the point they bleed. She constantly needs reassurance. We have had some hard times here as my husband was in a bad car accident and needed several surgeries. It happened right before her birthday. We also moved last summer. I was just at the point where I was going to bring her to a therapist, but she has recently improved drastically. I did have her talk to the school social worker several times for a few weeks. She still worries about everything under the sun, but that's just her personality.
If it is disrupting her daily activities then you must take her to talk to someone. I think the school social worker is a good start. Another suggestion, do you have another bedroom you could move her to that would help with the outside noise? Maybe at the back of the home? Just keep reassuring her that she is fine and everything will be ok.
Every day before school my daughter and I sing...Bob Marley: (Three little birds) Every little thing, gonna be alright. AND Bobby McFerrinn: Don't worry Be Happy We only sing the chorus.
Last edited by CGab; 03-09-2017 at 10:24 AM..
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We only sing the chorus.
