Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I recently moved in with my brother and sister-in-law during a transition period between jobs. They have a 3-year old girl who generally has a good heart but has bratty and whiny tendencies. She often attempts to manipulate her parents into getting what she wants, and they are inconsistent with giving into her requests. Honestly, they often don't even realize she is trying to manipulate them.
Almost every day, my niece is rewarded with a "prize" (e.g., going to bed 10 minutes later, getting a cookie after dinner) for "good behavior." This good behavior might be finishing all her dinner (which to me should be a given and not a behavior to be rewarded) and she often gets a "prize" even if she misbehaves in other ways (e.g., being mean to her baby brother). If she doesn't get what she wants, she will try to negotiate her way into getting something and that typically works.
For the first two weeks I was living there, my niece was excited to see me and wanted to play. Now that the honeymoon period has worn off, she attempts to use me as a scapegoat to manipulate her parents or play victim. She asks me to play a game or with a toy and when she accidentally bumps her head, she will look at me for 10 seconds, think about it, run to her mother, and blame it on me. I do not condone this behavior and have told her not to blame me for things that she does to herself. Her parents rarely have anything to say in these situations because I think don't even notice that it's a bad behavior. In addition, when she plays with me, she will only share items that she doesn't care for. I have tried to show her through example that I have a favorite toy and share it with her, but she is very willing to take what I have to offer but still not share her toy.
I am not sure if my niece is partially lashing out because of the transition with me living with her (It's been about a month now). I do not agree with any of these manipulative and bratty behaviors she exhibits, but I am not her parent and therefore do not feel like it is my place to discipline her. I want to have a good relationship with her but her behavior drives me crazy and I am not really sure how to deal with her in these situations. How can I forge my bond with her while keeping boundaries?
well , you are not there to raise or educate the child, but a relative crashing for a while. have fun with the child, and get over what you consider "manipulative". this is a 3 years old child, and not your place to correct her. All you have to do is be fun when interacting with her, and just play on with whatever she does. just remember,
*SHE IS A SMALL CHILD, UNPREDICTABLE AND LEARNING.*
*it is not your place to correct, unless it is dangerous*
*you are a guest, feel fortunate they gave you a spot to crash*
* this is your brothers family, let it go and don't mess up your relationship*
What every you do, do not offer parenting advice. I agree, let go of your opinions and just have fun. 3 years old is by far the most difficult age, but it can also be one of the most fun
I recently moved in with my brother and sister-in-law during a transition period between jobs.
...
For the first two weeks I was living there, my niece was excited to see me and wanted to play. Now that the honeymoon period has worn off, she attempts to use me as a scapegoat to manipulate her parents or play victim.
...
I want to have a good relationship with her but her behavior drives me crazy and I am not really sure how to deal with her in these situations. How can I forge my bond with her while keeping boundaries?
I recently moved in with my brother and sister-in-law during a transition period between jobs. They have a 3-year old girl who generally has a good heart but has bratty and whiny tendencies. She often attempts to manipulate her parents into getting what she wants, and they are inconsistent with giving into her requests. Honestly, they often don't even realize she is trying to manipulate them.
Almost every day, my niece is rewarded with a "prize" (e.g., going to bed 10 minutes later, getting a cookie after dinner) for "good behavior." This good behavior might be finishing all her dinner (which to me should be a given and not a behavior to be rewarded) and she often gets a "prize" even if she misbehaves in other ways (e.g., being mean to her baby brother). If she doesn't get what she wants, she will try to negotiate her way into getting something and that typically works.
For the first two weeks I was living there, my niece was excited to see me and wanted to play. Now that the honeymoon period has worn off, she attempts to use me as a scapegoat to manipulate her parents or play victim. She asks me to play a game or with a toy and when she accidentally bumps her head, she will look at me for 10 seconds, think about it, run to her mother, and blame it on me. I do not condone this behavior and have told her not to blame me for things that she does to herself. Her parents rarely have anything to say in these situations because I think don't even notice that it's a bad behavior. In addition, when she plays with me, she will only share items that she doesn't care for. I have tried to show her through example that I have a favorite toy and share it with her, but she is very willing to take what I have to offer but still not share her toy.
I am not sure if my niece is partially lashing out because of the transition with me living with her (It's been about a month now). I do not agree with any of these manipulative and bratty behaviors she exhibits, but I am not her parent and therefore do not feel like it is my place to discipline her. I want to have a good relationship with her but her behavior drives me crazy and I am not really sure how to deal with her in these situations. How can I forge my bond with her while keeping boundaries?
By moving out, the longer you stay there, the more chance of you saying something, that in reality is none of your business. Once the words are out, the relationship with your brother will suffer and most likely the bond/relationship with your niece will be non-existent.
I would be very careful in saying anything to your brother. Your niece is 3. She is very young and still learning right from wrong. You are only there temporarily so I would let it go.
As far as being rewarded, that's how kids learn. I still let my kids have dessert when they eat all their food. I don't see that as a reward, it's dessert and we all usually have something. As far as the other stuff.... you mentioned she has a baby brother. She could very well be acting out over that. It's very common for kids to act differently after a sibling is born. And maybe the rewards are to keep her being good. Parents who now have 2 kids instead of 1 get very stressed. If this is their way of dealing with it then so be it. It's not your situation. Just be happy you have somewhere to live and move as soon as you can.
We have a 4 year old in our life that we see once or twice a week. She is a handful and very demanding. I love being with her, but seeing her every day might be difficult. They are high octane at that age. I had all three of my neighbors boys with me a couple of times a week for almost ten years. They were a joy and a handful as well. The little ones are unpredictable and highly emotional. Three years of life experience isn't much now is it? I spoiled the heck out of those three boys and pretty much indulged their every whim. They are not the first little ones I've done that to. Yet they are all fine young people today.
All I can say is that if she gets to be too much, go to your room and let her mother deal with her. I had the best of both worlds with all of those shorties. I had all the fun and no responsibility. Tell your niece that Auntie is sad that your are being bad and just go to your room. They're so adorable at that age though aren't they.
I'm guessing this is the first time you've had ongoing contact with a 3 year old? They are little sociopaths. It gets better as they get older. Let her parents be the ones to decide how to raise her.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
