Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
When you are ready to have kids, finance them yourself. Don't steal money and time from others to subsidize your choice. Budget carefully, save money, and make it happen on one income if necessary. The proper decision is to plan for kids, have kids, and one parent should be at home raising them and teaching them and loving them.
That employers in a free country should be forced against their will to pay people NOT TO WORK is a grotesque evil.
What I find funny about this inane pov is that you ignore reality. Parents provide the society you depend on for survival. When a handful of parents find their way to that island you live on by yourself and start asking you for something- get back to me. Until then you should just be grateful that there are people taking the time and spending the energy to produce the human beings who makeup the society you need to live.
These are articles without sites for any actual scientific research. Link to the actual studies because the headlines are probably misleading as to what the studies actually found.
When my younger son was 15 years old, he got his own debit card and light rail pass and spent the summer checking out the city on his own. He went to the zoo, the science museum, several parks, the library, etc. I know a lot of people were shocked that I let him have free reign. I wonder what they expect to happen when their kid flies the nest? (Actually, see my previous post re: basic training)
Good for you. When my daughter was 14, she and her friends wanted to go to the mall on Saturday afternoon. When I was that age, I took the bus to the mall, so I suggested she and her friends do the same. I figured it was a good way for them to learn how to get around on their own using public transportation. Mind you, the bus route was through four affluent suburbs in Bergen County, NJ.
To my surprise, all but one of her friends' mom's said no. Didn't want their kid taking a bus. The mother that said, "Great idea" was from Germany, where public transportation is not some scary thing.
It's not my place to say/control what you or others do with your life in raising your kids. It's a statement that can't be disputed and it's about what's more important to the parent(s).....more time with their kid, or more time chasing money/work/having a career.
Again, the choice is yours, not mine. And by the wide range of views on this matter, it's apparent people have different priorities in life.
It's not meant to be offensive but apparently some people are taking it as such as I'm detecting a defensive posture by some posters here.
I don't think it's so black and white. I believe choice of career, level and type of education, your life strategy, and how you mange your finances are all about the kids. It's certainly not one or the other. If you neglect the latter to prioritize the former it's a non-starter imo.
I don't think it's so black and white. I believe choice of career, level and type of education, your life strategy, and how you mange your finances are all about the kids. It's certainly not one or the other. If you neglect the latter to prioritize the former it's a non-starter imo.
For you maybe and others, yes. For others, no. Some people have kids and ignore them by choice for their career or whatever other life goals they want to peruse. See it all the time. The nation is filled with them. I grew up with childhood friends in this situation. See it in the workplace. And I've worked with more than a few men and woman who have the education, career, "life strategy", etc which all equated in the end of lots of time away from their kids which more than a few told me they regretted later in life when they feel they missed many elements of their kids growing up. I've had one person tell me they worked to get away from the kids and became a consultant as it required stays all over the nation for months at a time as the kids were driving them crazy/had lots of problems at home so it's all across the board.
But again, correct, it's not black and there's gray to the statement/my post you responded to, the key point....it's about what's more important to the parent(s).....more time with their kid, or more time chasing money/work/having a career.
For you maybe and others, yes. For others, no. Some people have kids and ignore them for their career or whatever other life goals they want to peruse. See it all the time. The nation is filled with them. And I've worked with more than a few men and woman who have the education, career, "life strategy", etc which all equated in the end of lots of time away from their kids which more than a few told me they regretted later in life when they feel they missed many elements of their kids growing up. I've had one person tell me they worked to get away from the kids as they were driving them crazy/had lots of problems at home so it's all across the board.
But again, correct, it's not black and there's gray to the statement/my post you responded to, the key point....it's about what's more important to the parent(s).....more time with their kid, or more time chasing money/work/having a career.
Again, you make something multi-faceted and complicated into a black and white issue.
BTW, I don't "chase" money. I earn money. I earn money that pays for competitive sports, vacations, college, and retirement. Someday, my kids won't have to worry about student loans or worry about supporting us in our old age. That's priceless. Minimize it all you want. At the end of the day, it's just your opinion.
Again, you make something multi-faceted and complicated into a black and white issue.
BTW, I don't "chase" money. I earn money. I earn money that pays for competitive sports, vacations, college, and retirement. Someday, my kids won't have to worry about student loans or worry about supporting us in our old age. That's priceless. Minimize it all you want. At the end of the day, it's just your opinion.
Though I'm beating a dead horse or you're purposely missing the point as "black and white" has nothing to do with my statement:
it's about what's more important to the parent(s).....more time with their kid, or more time chasing money/work/having a career.
Perhaps you've found a way to be in 2 places at the same time, ie can be on a plane and sleep at home at the same time......be in NY and be in CA at the same time....you are more special than I thought there kibbiekat. Wow.
Though I'm beating a dead horse or you're purposely missing the point with "black and white" which has nothing to do with my statement:
it's about what's more important to the parent(s).....more time with their kid, or more time chasing money/work/having a career.
Perhaps you've found a way to be in 2 places at the same time, ie can be on a plane and sleep at home at the same time......be in NY and be in CA at the same time....you are more special than I thought there kibbiekat.
Are you purposely being dense? Working doesn't mean I don't spend time with my kids. I don't feel like I have to spend 24/7 with them in order to have quality time with them. It's not an either/or. It's both. I EARN money and I spend time with my kids.
Are you purposely being dense? Working doesn't mean I don't spend time with my kids. I don't feel like I have to spend 24/7 with them in order to have quality time with them. It's not an either/or. It's both. I EARN money and I spend time with my kids.
24/7 is impossible for a human to spend quality time with one's kids as they/you do sleep about 1/3 of those 24 hours. It's waking hours. Time at work means time away from spending time with kids.
Relax with the insults/no need to get punchy. This is not the "mean" club. You're a great mom kib, we are all convinced of that. No doubt about it!
For you maybe and others, yes. For others, no. Some people have kids and ignore them by choice for their career or whatever other life goals they want to peruse. See it all the time.
I would suspect for those individuals the kids were a surprise? It's hard to know. By and large, statistically, I believe the data shows that working moms take professional hits because they are typically the primary caretakers of children. So, that would suggest what you are saying above probably falls at the seat of fathers. I'm not sure if that is the case. Possibly. Although, dads are stepping up more and more every day, so credit is given when due from my pov.
Quote:
The nation is filled with them. I grew up with childhood friends in this situation. See it in the workplace. And I've worked with more than a few men and woman who have the education, career, "life strategy", etc which all equated in the end of lots of time away from their kids which more than a few told me they regretted later in life when they feel they missed many elements of their kids growing up. I've had one person tell me they worked to get away from the kids and became a consultant as it required stays all over the nation for months at a time as the kids were driving them crazy/had lots of problems at home so it's all across the board.
Well, I cannot speak to these men's motives of why they don't want to be around their kids much. I will admit that I've heard from a few guys at my own workplace, but I chalk it up to varying from individual to individual. But, that wasn't my point.
For me- parental education matters. Parental career choice matters. How a parent impacts their community matters when it comes to raising children. There are so many reasons why and we can discuss them if you like. They are all ingredients in the pot of who these kids become.
Quote:
But again, correct, it's not black and there's gray to the statement/my post you responded to, the key point....it's about what's more important to the parent(s).....more time with their kid, or more time chasing money/work/having a career.
i suppose it depends on your motives. Is it for the benefit of you, the kid, or both? A parent cannot teach a child what s/he doesn't know. So, if you don't know how to be a successful person, which requires commitment and work, then you cannot be expected to teach your child to be a successful person (I understand success may be defined differently from person to person).
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
You're a great mom kib, we are all convinced of that. No doubt about it!
